Crushed and Created
by willgoal
Summary: Austin's sister strives for perfection. Would her life be what she always wanted?or is someone laying it out for her without letting her decide what she wants?This is a fanfiction about how I would image his sister to be and how I would have portrayed it. Most importantly, I DO NOT own Make it Or Break it. I love the show,&was a former gymnast myself.Rated T. PLEASE PROVIDE REVIEWS
1. Chapter 1

**Crushed and Created**

And Austin Tucker takes the gold!

I was only eight when my brother Austin took the gold at only thirteen years. Everybody was proud of him. I remember, I was the first one jumping onto my brother exactly as he got down from the podium. I was the happiest girl ever when I saw my brother success in his dreams! I remember till this very day. He was always training at 'The Rock Mountain Centre' and who could ever know what he would become! For sure I knew. I always believed in him. He was always focused. Yes, rules aren't his favourite, and although he doesn't always follow them, he always knew what he wanted from life itself.

Unlike me, or else I thought so… until…

'AUSTIIINNN!'

'Hey little Tuc!'

'YOU DID IT! YOU DID IT! YOU DID IT!'

'Yes I know sis, and that's all because of you baby girl. You've always believed in me.'

'Mum and dad are waiting outside to congratulate you and they have a surprise for you!'

'Wow, calm down Martina!'

'I can't! My brother just won!'

'Come on; let's get you to meet my friends.'

It wasn't long till I got to meet his friends. They all were nice, especially Max, Austin's best man, chaperon, friend and a surrogate brother. They always did everything together, no matter if it was training, hanging out, talking about girls (of course… guys…). I must admit, Max was my first crush.

Then there was Carter, the playboy of the gym along with Nicki, Robert, and Isaac. They all were good, however some better than others. Sasha Belov, the most famous coach from Romania, also came to greet me, as the little sister of his Gold Champion gymnast. I can see what Austin meant by 'Sasha being the most understanding and helpful coach', although I get it that he teased a lot as well. However it wasn't long till we headed out for Austin's big surprise.

'There you are! Oh my! You were amazing Austin! I love you so very much!'

'Thanks mum, I had fun out there.'

'Yes, I've seen that son; now let's go, because Martina is dying to give you your present.'

'Thanks for believing in me dad.'

'I always believe in you Austin, no matter what.'

Exactly as we arrived home, I went to my parents' room to get the envelope that was waiting for Austin. I don't know how I managed to go down the flight of stairs.

'Daddy, daddy, I got it!'

'That's my girl… Austin can you come in the kitchen please?'

'Yeah dad…'

'This is from the all of us, I hope you like it.'

Austin simply opened the envelope slowly, until his face literally lit up at the sight in his hands.

'Are these really tickets for the hockey team in a VIP seat?'

'Yes, and you have two so you can invite someone.'

'Yeah… Dad, are you busy? Do you want to come? I have an extra ticket!'

'Um… Yeah, I'm totally free! It's been a bit since we had some father son time, and you missy, it's time for bed.'

'But daddy! Please I want to stay up with Austin. Please, just for tonight?'

Both Austin and my parents exchanged looks until Austin smiled.

'If it's ok with Austin you can.'

'Of course it is! She's my baby sister.'

Austin was always so protective and loving. He's the best brother I could have ever asked for. We ended up crashing in his room watching a movie, until I slept beside him. I could feel him carrying me to my bed but I was too lazy to simply get up and thank him. But at least, it was Saturday to come and both of us could have a late morning, and I had to prove something to Austin as he was there for the weekend with no training.

'Rise and shine lazy bone.'

'ugh… mum! Please can I stay for five more minutes?'

'No baby, not today, we're going out tonight and you have to study and finish your work.'

'Ok… ohh and is Austin back from his morning run?'

'Yes, why dear?'

'I need to talk to him, but don't tell him, I want to talk to him.'

'Ok Martina, but don't take long, breakfast is ready and you know your brother. It's like I never feed him.'

'Ok, coming…'

After I got dressed, and put my hair up in a ponytail, I went down at the table to join the family for breakfast. It had been a bit since Austin was there with us, and I was enjoying every moment of it. We kept bugging each other playfully and both our parents loved the communication. After we both helped in the dishes I thought that it was the best time to talk to Austin.

'Austin, do you have a minute please?'

'I always have time for you little tuc.'

'Don't call me that! I'm a grown up now! But anyways… um… can I meet you in the gym basement in like 5 minutes?'

'Yeah… sure… Why?' He looked at me suspiciously, while crossing his arms.

'You'll know soon. Very soon. I just need a minute.' I said with a huge smile.

I flew the flight of stairs and put on the only leotard that I had found on sale for only 20 dollars at a yard sale. Guess it is true 'a man's junk is another man's treasure'. I never had told anyone about it, so I guess it was time to leak something to my brother.

'Close your eyes Austin'

'Oh come on would you just tell me!'

'Ok open.'

'Erm… What am I supposed to see?'

'What am I wearing Austin?'

'A leotard… so?'

'Austin, I admire what you do, and I want to follow in your footsteps. I want to make mum and dad proud like you do and most of all, I love the sports, and I can prove it to you. I've been seeing you train here and followed your instructions.'

I went to the corner of the room, and concentrated on the one spot Austin always concentrated on. I took a run and did a full round-off, backhandspring, back tuck to a front carthwheel a back-walk-over to a front walk-over.

'Wow, where did you pull that off?' He asked me obviously surprised.

'I told you Austin, I love this sport, I love gymnastics, and I want to train. I've seen you do these more than ones, and I want to do this so very much. Please, can you tell mum and dad?'

'If you do what you did just now… YES…'

'THANK YOU AUSTIN! YOU ARE THE BEST.'

'Let me tell you what, I'll go tell mum and dad now, and if they agree I'll take you myself to Sasha, and he'll see at what level you are. Do you agree?'

'Yes, come on let's go!'

Austin went to talk to my parents about the idea, and although they did not agree with this decision, Austin told them what I can do. They also were impressed, and it was that day that changed my whole life. Yes, of course, some ground rules and conditions had to be made. Unlike Austin, I couldn't be home schooled, so I had to train 8 hours a day at the gym, on top of having to go to school.

By time I was getting used to it. Waking up at 4am while mum drives us both to the gym, where I did my morning workout. Austin was there too, only to watch me and spot me at times, while Sasha did his coaching to me and my other teammates that had to do the same thing, only they had private schooling, except Emily. We were almost in the same class, except for Biology and Chemistry.

The workout only lasted till 7am as in an hour; I had to prepare for school, and at 1pm had to be back at the gym for the evening workout which lasted till 7pm. I was always exhausted, but always managed to juggle with school, gymnastics, and family time.

Austin always helped around, even if I was finding anything difficult. After the gym, especially when I was sore from all the training, he came with the ice packs and helped me out, while I studied and did everything. He was always there for me.

Although I was managing and improved my technique over time, there was always competition, even though I was in my own team. Lauren for instance was the queen of the beam, and she always does flawless routine. Yes, she is tedious and bitchy, but what can I say? She is a spoiled teenager and her father simply gives her anything she wants.

Then there's Payson, who although she is uptight, I love her leadership and determination. She is an amazing athlete and always strives for perfection. I never believed that someone could be as determined as her. She always pushed us to the limit, and so does Sasha, but he is the head coach so it is expected from him.

Kaylie and Emily and are the most down to earth people I've met. Emily, although with all her problems both financially and living, she always made it through. Kaylie on the other hand, has anything she always wants. Just like Lauren, with the difference, that Kaylie doesn't flaunter it to your face. She's loyal and helpful, and if there's anything that one can't do, she is there to help on the spot. She is my best friend. We are like sisters.


	2. Chapter 2

The years went by, and from what seemed like normal training, ended up as a career. It is amazing how little girls that are brought into the gym are already pursuing their dream and have a career. I was one of them, although, I also had to think about an educational career. It was one of my parents' wishes that I graduated, especially because, gymnasts career are quite short. On the other hand, Austin was always the perfect child for them. He always made them proud with anything, and as dad owns his own business in the medical sector, Austin was to follow in his footsteps and all he needed was his GED's unlike me, they wanted me to become a doctor, so as at least I can follow in what they believed is amazing.

It had started slowly, that my family was becoming more and more apart. Austin always used to try and calm things down. I say, he was always the mediator. He was patient with everything, even when he found me crying from the fights they had been having. At least at the gym, I had a family. Sasha was there to help and listen. He once asked my parents to leave the gym, due to the fight they were having, especially because neither me nor Austin could focus properly.

Lauren was having the time of her life, as she was finally managing to get some base lines on how to get to me. She hated that someone got into her place, but at least, Payson, Emily and Kaylie, had all been helpful and backed me up in everything I needed, but the stress was getting to me.

'Hey Tina, are you up for a party at my house? Well, it's more of a sleep over rather than a party.'

'Um… I'm not sure…'

'Oh come on Tina, I won't go if you don't come.' Payson pleaded looking with those puppy eyes while Kaylie joined.

'Ok, ok, I'm in.' I answered back while both hugged me tight.

'What are you in for little tuc?' Austin said as he came from behind.

'Damn you scare me when you do that Aus.'

'Language tuc.'

'Anyways, Mr Minding others butt, I'm having a sleep over tonight and Tina is in.' Kaylie asked as she chalked up.

'Will you tell mum and dad please?' I asked to Austin.

'Only if you hug me.' He answered with a smug and I simply went to hug him, while he lifted me off.

It was at about 7.30pm that we all were at Kaylie's home. The Cruzes were amazing. They always helped out and provided us with anything we needed. It was like a mini hotel. Hot towels, a private gym, a private pool, and I think they also had a private Jacuzzi.

'You know, Leo is cute Kay.'

'Don't tell him that Tina, it will get to his head.'

'You have a cute brother yourself!'

'Cute? You should say over protective. I mean, I know I'm his baby sister, but he's over protective at times.'

'Don't complain Tina, he may get married when he finishes gymnastics and you won't be able to see him.'

'You're right… and on a different note. Is Lauren coming?'

'Yes, she had something important to do, with her dad.' Kaylie replied.

'And I guess it has something to do with clothing and dresses and stores and designers.' Payson mocked.

'Doesn't she have two closets full?'

'Doesn't she have anything full?' Kaylie mocked, while we laughed it off.

'What about Emily?' Payson asked.

'She's coming later, after she finishes her home chores.' Kaylie answered back.

The night was spent simply watching movies and eating popcorn. Those were the only real friends I had until Lauren came, and all the drama began. I was in the bathroom at that moment when she entered.

'Hey, what took you so long?' Kaylie asked.

'Where is Tina?'

'Wow, give us a break!' Payson answered. 'She's in the bathroom.'

'Good, you guys up for a secret? My dad just discovered something on her.'

'What is it?' Kaylie asked. 'I don't believe there's anything about her.'

'Well, it's not exactly on her. It's her family. Her father, Robert, had been sleeping with Ellen Beals, and I have the photo to prove it.' Lauren answered back quickly while showing them the photo that had been taken from the private investigator Steve Tanner had hired on my family.

'What the hell did you just say?' I said in astonishment from the door.

'Um… Tina, we're very sorry, we didn't know you were here!' Lauren answered back.

'So, you think it's ok that your father hired a private investigator on my family? That's invasion of privacy! And NO, I don't believe you that my father slept with the Beals!'

'See for yourself. Knock yourself out!' Lauren answered back as she handed me the photo.

I remained staring at the photo. I couldn't believe what I had just seen. I simply left the room running with the picture in my hands. I grabbed the duffle bag that was left beside the door, and didn't even talk to Ronnie, Kaylie's mother, as she called me to see where I was going.

'What happened with Martina? She left running.' Ronnie asked the girls as she went into the living room.

'Mum, I have to call Austin. Our dear friend Lauren's dad, decided to hire a private investigator on Martina's family and they discovered that her father was sleeping with Beals, and the genius here told us showing the photo.' Kaylie answered angrily

'Couldn't you have just left it Lauren? She's a gymnast and she took your place because you chocked in beam! Why can't you accept that she's as good and better than you are?' Payson argued.

'Guess I'm not welcome here.' Lauren answered back.

'Come on Austin, pick up!' Kaylie said. 'No you are not welcome here! GO NOW…'

'Kaylie, calm down…'

'No mum, she may have ruined Tina's family, and most of all, she may have ruined her!' Kaylie said in anger, as the home phone finally picked up. 'Oh hey Mr Tucker, is Austin there please?'

'Yes he is, who should I say you are?' He answered back.

'I'm Kaylie, Martina's friend.'

'Oh yes, are you having fun there girls?'

'Yes we are Mr Tucker. Can I please talk to Austin? It is a bit urgent.'

'Yes… Let me pass you to him…' Mr Tucker answered back while handing the phone to Austin.

'Austin here! How may I be of service?' He said teasingly

'Cut out the crap Austin. We have a problem. Tina just left here running, Lauren's dad did something very bad, and Lauren came to tell us the findings. Tina overheard her, and she left. We're worried that something may happen to her.'

'Where is she now?'

'I don't know, she left about 5 minutes ago.'

'Thanks Kaylie, I'll tell her to call you when I find her.' Austin said quickly as he hung up. 'Mum, dad I have to go to the Cruz's to pick up Tina, apparently they don't have power and they're bored.' He continued as he grabbed his car keys and left in a jiffy.

He took the normal road of walking to the Cruz's and after few minutes he found me walking fast with tears in my eyes. He slowed down with his car, and called on to me.

'You know little tuc, the janitor of the roads will be finding them clean and we'll be paying taxes for anything.' Austin started.

'Leave me alone Austin, and I'm not 'little tuc' I'm 16 years old for God's sake.' I answered back with a bit of attitude.

'Well, you will always remain my little tuc. Now get in the car, it's late and dangerous at this hour to be walking alone.'

'No, I'm walking alone.' I answered back immediately.

At that Austin stopped his car at a halt, and got out of the car. He ran towards me and put me to a stop and turned me from my shoulders.

'What the hell happened Martina?' He asked with concern while still holding me firmly.

'Nothing'

'Kaylie told me what happened. Now I'm asking you to tell me what Lauren found out.'

'Don't you dare tell me that all the fights our parents were having were nothing. Don't you even dare tell me that this is just a phase that all married people go through. Mum knew, or else she suspected. All those times dad said he was working late, and he had to work on a Sunday, or all those family holidays that he missed. Don't you dare tell me that this is nothing… I'm tired of everybody lying to me.'

'Whoa. Calm down. What are you talking about?' He asked with concern.

'This is what I'm talking about.' I answered back as I handed him the photo Lauren brought.

'What the...?' Austin only managed to get out of his mouth, as he stared back at me, while I slid down and hid my face to my knees.


	3. Chapter 3

That night Austin convinced me to go home with him and talk to our parents, or better than that, to dad. Mum was already asleep when we arrived home and both Austin and I found him on the phone.

'Ellen, I can't make it tonight. Both my kids are out and I'm waiting for them to come… don't worry, I'll make it all better when I'll see you… No, nobody suspects anything… '

'Dad?'

'I'm sorry I have to go Mr Jefferson… Yes bye.' He said as he hung up. 'That was work.'

'_That was work_ my ass dad. Aren't you ashamed that you are cheating on mum?'

'Martina go to bed, I'll take it from here.' Austin said as he took me from my shoulders.

'No Austin, he needs to know.' I answered back as I took out the photo. 'This is what you were doing, while all that time saying you had work?'

'Martina, GO TO BED NOW.'

'Really dad? Are you ashamed now? What do you expect me to do? Steve Tanner, hired a private investigator on you. Do you know what that's going to do to me? DO YOU? No, because you only think on your side. My friends all know what you did and I'm the laugh of the gym now. Not to mention. You CHEATED on my mother, and she does everything for you.' I answered back.

'Martina, I'll talk to dad.' Austin said trying to calm everything down.

'No Austin, you're not going to make this better. I'm staying.' I told him. 'Now answer me dad? How am I supposed to go in front of Beals and do my routines? How am I supposed to have the courage to show my face to the NGO? HOW?'

'I'm very sorry kids. I know. It was a stupid thing to do…'

'And from what I can see dad, you still don't believe that it is a mistake.' Austin replied back while crossing his arms.

'It's just… your mother and I have been having some arguments these days.'

'So it gives you the right to sleep with another woman?'

'No Austin, it doesn't. But please, I'm telling you one thing, I love your mother very much. I didn't go to Beals because I've realised whom I really love, and I was going to break it with her tomorrow morning the first thing.' Dad answered back as he sat down with the photo in his hands.

'Really?' I asked hesitantly

'Yes…' Dad answered back again. 'I'm going to ask you one thing guys. Please, don't tell your mother about this. It will break her heart.'

'So are you asking us to lie to her?'

'No Martina, not lie, just hide.' He answered back locking eye contact with me. 'I don't think you want your mother to hate you do you?'

'Why would she hate me? I didn't sleep with anyone, and I'm still a virgin!'

'I'm asking you to keep this a secret. You'll see, everything will be all better! I promise you guys.'

Austin and I exchanged looks, because after all, we didn't want them to get a divorce, and simply agreed that we would keep the secret till it was necessary to do so.

'Dad, we will keep the secret until its necessary.' Austin answered back with his serious voice.

'Tina, is it going to be a problem for you when coming to work with Beals?'

'I don't know… we'll have to see if I make the national team first.' I answered back while resting my back to the sofa.

* * *

The following morning was quite strange. There was a sense of coldness in the house, except for the warm smell of pancakes mum was cooking before we headed to the gym.

'Austin, Martina, come down for breakfast!' Mum called us from the bottom of the stairs.

'Coming mum' Austin called back, as he entered into my room, and found me doing splits.

'What are you doing?'

'Conditioning…' I answered back as I stood up and put on my slippers.

'So, listen, we are going to continue with our lives normally. Ok? We cannot let anything stop us.' Austin tried to put in some motivation.

'Easy for you to say… You don't have to face your best friends that know everything.' I answered back as I put my hair into a perfect ponytail, or what was close to it. 'Now let's go down, before mum calls again.

'Austin, Martina, come down… Now… Please!' Mum called us again.

'As I just told you.' I replied again as we both made our way to the kitchen.

'Where's dad, mum?' I asked as I filled a large glass of water, and motioned to Austin if he wants one as well.

'He went to work sweety. He said he had something important to sort out. Now sit down before your breakfast gets colder.' Mum said as she took my glass and set it on the table. '… and Austin, how many times have I told you not to drink from the orange juice box! We have glasses to serve a whole Army!' Mum said again as she snatched the orange juice from Austin's hands.

We started eating breakfast, or better yet, Austin was eating it. I was feeling not that hungry at all that morning, and both mum and Austin noticed about it.

'Are you going to eat that?' Austin asked with a suspicious look.

'Um… I'm not really hungry. Had a huge pasta at Kaylie's and am still full.' I answered back quickly as I pushed the plate away. 'Don't worry mum, I'll eat later, and as it seems, we are going to be late Austin if you don't move.'

'I'm coming, go and open the garage please.' Austin asked as he handed me the car keys and the garage keys.

'Love you mum.' I told mum, as I hugged her tight and kissed her. 'Don't take long Austin… Please!' I said as I took both our duffle bags and headed for the garage.


	4. Chapter 4

'Ok, now do a back handspring layout layout.' Sasha ordered, while I obliged, and landed exactly on my feet. 'YES! That's what I'm talking about!'

'It felt so good Sasha to actually land!' I said with a huge smile on my face.

'I know! I told you that you will get it sometime! Now off to conditioning and you're done for the day.' Sasha replied as he motioned me to the floor where my teammates were.

* * *

'That was actually great Tina!'

'Thanks Kaylie...' I answered back while I went to my split. 'Um… listen, sorry for yesterday. I didn't mean to leave like that.'

'Hey, don't worry about it.' Payson comforted.

'No Payson, it's not. It was reckless. I shouldn't have worried you like that guys… It's just… I wasn't sure what to do. Lauren caught me like a deer in the headlights.'

'Payson and Kaylie are right.' Emily answered as she looked at me while I stayed staring in disbelief. 'Lauren told me.'

'That's great.' I replied sarcastically.

'Don't worry. We're not telling anybody.' Kaylie continued. 'How are things now?'

'Well…' I replied as I went to rock my back. 'Austin and I confronted dad last night, and … we have to see now… Listen guys, I don't feel like talking about it, especially as Lauren is on the way.'

'Hey everybody! Do you like my new leo? Dad got the new line of fabric and I only have the first one!'

'That must be really hard for you Lauren… You know… having everything you desire…' I mocked.

'Well, at least my father did sleep with the NGO.' She replied bitchy.

At that I simply got up and left them.

'You know…' Lauren started as I was out of reaching distance. 'I think I know who will be in the national team this year.'

'Come on Lauren!' Kaylie retorted. 'Do you hear what you're even saying?'

'Hey, I know what I'm saying. It's just… look at it this way, her father, Robert Tucker, literally licks Beals ass, and you know that it would get her on the top position!'

'Do you even hear yourself?' Emily sided with Kaylie.

'I don't believe I'm saying this, but do you actually prepare these evil speeches?' Payson added as she left with both Kaylie and Emily.

I headed to the locker room where I put on my stuff and took my duffle bag. As I turned to make my way out, Austin was there waiting.

'You ok little tuc?'

'Just peachy Austin.'

'Oh come on sis… you know you can tell me anything.' Austin replied as he put his hand around my shoulder pulling me closer to him.

'I'm fine Austin… Really… I just… don't feel like talking… That's all.'

'Ok… but whenever you want, I'm here for you ok? I know this is hard for you, but that is why I'm here. '

'But don't you need help yourself Austin? I mean… I'm just 16, and probably you won't be able to get many advices from me as you can get from anyone your age.'

'That's the advantage on being 20 little tuc. I have Max to whom I can talk to. Plus, I do open up to you.' He replied as we made our way to Austin's car, and got in.

* * *

Another fight between my parents had already started at home, and we could listen them arguing from the garage. Guess the neighbours know about our family history. I don't remember the last time my parents were happy. I don't remember the last time we had been as a whole. I don't remember seeing my parents in love and smiling. But then, it may be just a phase as Austin told me… or maybe not. After all, dad almost ruined their marriage. I wonder what mum would do if she discovered. I hate having to keep this secret from mum. I love her very much for that matter, but I don't want my parents to get a divorce.

'Shut up Robert, the kids are here.' Mum advised dad as she heard the door close. 'Austin, Martina, is that you guys?'

'No mum, it's a pack of robbers that happened to have the keys.' Austin mocked as he went to hug her.

'How was training guys?'

'It was ok dad.' I answered as I helped mum preparing the table for dinner. 'I landed my back handspring layout layout today.'

'That's my daughter!' Mum said smiling as she brought the baked macaroni oven. 'Robert hand me the spatula please? And Austin, wash your hands and get seated like your sister.'

'You need any help Margaret?' Dad asked.

'Here, cut this in four. I'm not good with serving this macaroni well. I'll get the glasses.' Mum said as she handed dad the dish and spatula.

'So Austin, I hear you're training for the men's national team.'

'Yeah dad, we were weak on rings, but Max and I came with a routine.' Austin said as he took a sip from his orange juice while mum sat down.

'You've never disappointed me Austin. Sponsors and endorsements are all asking for you. You have the Kobalt on your side already.' Dad replied as he sat down himself.

'Let's say Grace.' Mum started as we made the sign of the cross 'Bless us Oh Lord, and these your gifts, which are about to receive, from your bounty. Through Christ Our Lord. Amen.'

'What about you Martina?' Dad continued

'Um… I'm doing the round off double Arabian on floor and today landed the back handspring layout layout on beam.' I said as I took my fork hastily in my hand.

'That's good.' Dad answered. 'But you know you need something better to wow the judges.' Dad replied as he poured some wine for him and mum. 'You know, sponsors want gymnasts who are successful.'

'I know dad, and I'm working my ass off.'

'You better do.'

'I know dad.'

'Robert, this is not a family business. This is a family dinner, so stop talking about endorsement money and sponsorship.' Mum said when she saw that business was taking over family time.

'Do you seriously have to question everything I say Margaret?' Dad said back.

'I'm not questioning anything. All I said is that we should leave this time as a family time.'

'And discussing our kid's career in gymnastics is part of the family meeting.'

'You see! You're seeing this as a meeting rather than family time! You don't know how to control yourself anymore Robert.' Mum said again.

'I don't control myself anymore?' Dad said again as he crossed his hands literally questioning my mother. 'Are you contradicting me? In front of our kids?'

At that mum stood up from the table and moved to the breakfast table. 'No, I'm not contradicting you Robert! I'm just stating. That's all.'

Both Austin and I remained seated eating, trying to block their arguments, or else, to put it better, I was trying to block their arguments. Austin kept on going as if nothing happened. He continued eating, until he came to whisper in my ear.

'Don't worry kid, everything will be fine.'

'Yeah… right…' I answered back, as I put my fork back on the table. 'Um… listen, can you do the dishes tonight? I'm really tired, and I'd like to get my homework ready.'

'Yeah… sure little tuc.' Austin replied as he hugged me tight. 'Is that all you're going to eat?'

'Not that hungry Austin. Besides… I ate earlier.' I answered back.

'Ok…' he replied as he took a sip from his juice. 'If you're going to shower now, don't use all the hot water.'

I smiled and nodded my head as a yes. My parents arguing were, and arguing remained. I don't know how they can do that… I took my duffle bag, and made my way upstairs. They didn't even that both Austin and I had left the kitchen.

As Austin came upstairs, he knocked slowly on my door, and opened it. 'Hey little tuc, you still up?'

'Yeah, I'm still trying to get this work done.' I replied, as I rubbed my eyes.

'Why don't you rest a bit? You know, when you'll wake up you'll be all fresh.'

'I can't Austin… I have to go for a 5 mile run before training.'

'I'll come with you if you want.' Austin offered. 'I know how boring runs can be early in the morning.'

'I'd love that Austin. Thanks.'

'Hey, I'll do anything for my little tuc.' Austin replied as he came forward to hug me. 'and if Lauren gives you a hard time, just tell me. Sasha will be taking care of her.'

'I'm ok Austin. I can handle her.' I replied with a weak smile.


	5. Chapter 5

The days went by, and the Tucker home, became more of a house than a home. Austin was always there to try and help out, but he also had friends to go to, and when he wasn't at home, I ended up taking the entire racket.

A big meet was coming up that weekend, and I had to be at the gym for 8 hours a day that week. The rock had to win Denver's Elite, and it was Sasha's most important meet, as that competition made the cut to who would be chosen in the future, who is national material, and who will be making the whole cut.

It was Saturday morning, the day of the meet, and mum was already psyched about the day. She was already preparing breakfast. Austin was the first one to get ready and he came knocking on my door.

'Champ, are you ready?'

'Almost…' I answered back as I placed my grips into my duffle bag and Austin came in and sat on the bed.

'Hey… relax… you're going to do just great!' Austin said as he pulled me to sit beside him.

'Easy for you! You are the champion in the men's gymnastics. I've started gymnastics when I was eight. The others have all been training from when they were 3… like you…'

'Hey! Calm down! You're going to do just great. I believe in you little tuc.' Austin tried reassuring me. 'Now, you are going in that gym, and you are going to knock the socks off Sasha, the judges and the audience, and mine as well! You're going to be with the top 3!'

'Thanks for believing in me Austin.' I replied back as I gave him an honest shy smile.

* * *

'AUSTIN, MARTINA, get down now! I'm not going to call you again.' Dad shouted.

'Coming dad.' Austin shouted back. 'Guess someone slept on the wrong side of the bed.' Austin mocked motioning to me.

We made our way down, where both our parents were waiting for us at the table. Dad was already on his laptop doing his correspondence. Mum on the other hand, was putting all dishes on the table.

'Mum, dad are you coming today?' I asked them excitedly.

'Where sweety?' mum replied.

'Mum, I have the meet against Denver today!' I told them in disbelief. 'It's today! I've been telling you for weeks!'

'Was that this weekend?' Dad asked as he went to check the calendar.

'YESS!' I shouted. 'Do you seriously have to check the calendar?'

'Oh… it is today…' Dad replied. 'I'm sorry Tina, but I have a meeting today at work… I can't make it!'

'Mum?' I asked looking at her.

'I'm sorry darling; I have to go to grandma today! She has an outpatient visit. I can't put that away.'

'I can't believe this!' I replied as I took the duffle bag and headed for the door. 'I'll wait for you in the car Austin.'

'What about breakfast?' Mum asked.

'Eat it yourself... as I seem to be invisible here.' I answered back as I closed the door behind me.

As Austin was sure I was out, he decided to confront our parents. He couldn't believe that they forgot the meet. Especially after all that work I've put.

'How could you do this to my sister? She worked her ass off for you guys and she was looking forward to show you how far she'd gone!' Austin started.

'Austin, it's not a big deal! We'll watch the video then!'

'A video is nothing compared to the support you would have given her.' Austin retorted to dad. 'You better sort out all the problems you have between you before you tear this family apart.'

'Austin all we do is for you. She can handle it.'

'Yeah… Then you should open your eyes.' Austin replied as he took his car keys and headed out.

* * *

'The meet we've all been waiting for is finally here. You have all been working hard, each and every gymnast. You focused, you stood up again when you fell, you have been strong and support to each other. Look to the one next you and behind you. You are teammates, you are a family, and this family doesn't function without each one of you. I have been honoured to be your coach, and you always made me proud. Now, you all are going out there, and you're going to show the judges that you are meant to be on the National Team. I want you all to find your joy for this sport. When you go out there, you're taking your friends, team, family, loved ones. You're making a story. Let us all read it.' Sasha said. 'Now let's get a 'Rock on'.'

'ROCK ON.'

* * *

Kaylie and I moved to the vault table. It was our first rotation, and both of us were excited. Sasha was giving us all this positive energy, and although my parents weren't there, I was happy that Austin was there in the front seat, near the Cruz's shouting and cheering for me.

'Ok Martina, now remember what we've trained for. You are going to nail this Yurchenko two and a half. I believe in you. Now go and have the vault of your life.'

I went to the end of the vault, while hearing the commentators. I tried to keep my focus.

'I should say Jeffrey that Martina Tucker is literally following the Gold medallist Austin Tucker, which is her brother.'

'You are right Maria.' Jeffrey continued. 'Who knows if she can continue on his footsteps? She had started at the 'Rocky Mountain Centre' when she was eight years old.'

'Having started at that age, is really difficult to get to this level.' Maria continued.

'But she arrived here. She is going to attempt a Yurchenko two and a half. Let's see if she can land it!'

I focused on both the springboard 82 feet away from me. I took a deep breath and looked at Sasha. He nodded his head ones, and I started to take the run way. As the springboard started getting closer and close I did a hurdle followed by a roundoff, followed by a back handspring with a two and a half twist.

I could feel the crowd holding their breath, and as I landed with a stick landing, everybody just cheered and clapped. I could hear Austin's voice from all the people. As I saluted to the judges, I went running to hug Sasha. He was waiting for me with open hands.

We waited for the scores to be tabulated, and finally they were.

'A 9.75, Jeffrey! I can't believe what I just saw. Martina just got the highest score on vault today!'

'She definitely is following Austin Tucker's footsteps. Who knows, maybe she'll be the champion today.'

'Even if she won't be, she'll be taking the gold in vault today.'

* * *

'You're up on beam Lauren. Show them what you've got.' Sasha said.

Lauren was on edge today. Payson told me, that Lauren was afraid that someone will be kicking her off today. But she's the queen on the beam. For sure she'll be in the top three.

Lauren started her dismount. Wow, she is good. How can anyone compete with that? Her routine was powerful. She has a DOD of 3.6. She literally psyched me out. But the unexpected happened.

'Oh my, did you just see that Jeffrey.' Maria started. 'The queen of the beam just fell from a simple layout.'

'Yes Maria, and that will set her back a few points away.'

Lauren got up on the beam again, and finished her routine. She came beside Emily.

'You can actually medal on this too Tina.' Emily started.

'You deserve a shot.' Kaylie continued.

'I don't know guys.'

'They're right.' Payson continued. 'You deserve a shot. Do a simple flawless routine and you have it.'

I went to the beam, and Sasha came behind me. 'Block everyone Martina. You can do this. Remember. Tight legs.'

I saluted to the judges. The pressure was getting to me. I had to do this; for my family, my team, my brother, my coach and my friends.

I started with a front tuck mount and kept tight legs as was asked. I went to a back handspring layout layout, followed by a split jump and a back tuck.

'I should say, Martina Tucker is on fire today. She is sure of herself and she knows she can do it. Who knows? Maybe this is the golden team.' Maria stated.

I went to the end of the beam, took a few steps followed by a roundoff and dismounted with a double back.

'And another stick landing from Martina Tucker.' Jeffrey stated.

I heard the crowd clapping and my friends cheering. I could see Austin on his feet clapping and whistling and shouting my name. I felt very proud. I ran to my coach and friends where we waited for the scores to be tabulated.

'And it seems that Kaylie Cruz is taking the Gold and Martina Tucker is taking the silver on beam as well today.' Maria added.

'And Emily Kmetko is taking the Bronze home as well. The rock is on fire, and they're beating Denver.'

'Now it's time for Payson Keeler on floor. This time she has the highest DOD of all. Kaylie is placed taking the Gold, Kelly Parker is taking the silver, and Lauren Tanner is taking the bronze.'

'Let's see if Payson can place in this event.' Jeffrey continued.

Payson took her place in the corner of the floor. She is a power gymnast, and an amazing tumbler. She had given everything to the performance. She had already taken the gold in bars, and she is taking the gold in floor as well. Everybody kept his breath while she finished her routine. We were all amazed. Her parents and sister where holding hands tightly together. Finally it was the last pass for Payson. She ended with the double pike and saluted. She came running to us and hugged Sasha and us.

'And Payson Keeler takes the gold!' Jeffrey stated.

We were all ecstatic, except for Lauren.

'Payson takes the gold on floor, Kaylie took silver and Kelly took bronze.' Maria continued.

'It had been a really successful day for the rock. They took most of the medals and placed higher scores. Not to mention that Kelly Parker was beaten two times by both Payson, and Martina.'

We went to the podium, and everyone could see that Lauren was mad. She made her way to the parent's viewing part of the gym.

'Dad! You have to do something! That Martina is taking me out of place!'

'Don't worry Lauren! I'll do something, but you better get focused. You are the one that fell of the beam!'

'You know what dad, leave it to me! I'll handle this myself. I will crush her.'


	6. Chapter 6

'YOU DID IT CHAMP! TWO MEDALS!' Austin said as he hugged me and lifted me off.

'I can't believe it Austin. I did it!' I replied with a huge smile. 'You see, I took care of Lauren by winning!'

'That's my little girl!' Austin smiled. 'Are you ready kid?'

'Soon, I just have to say bye to my friends.'

* * *

We arrived at home at about 5pm. Austin kept talking and telling me how great I was. He was always being the best brother ever. He always supported me, and did everything for me. As the car was in the garage, we went in the house were both my parents were already there.

'Hey guys, how did the training go?' Dad started.

'Training?' I asked in disbelief. 'Do you actually have this short term memory? Or are you doing it on purpose?'

'Why? What happened?' Dad asked again.

'What the heck!' I said as I left the living to my room.

'What the hell was that about?' Dad asked Austin.

'How could you forget dad? You didn't make it to her meet against Denver, and now you forgot she even had the meet?'

'Ohh… yes, I remember now! Sorry Austin. It's just… I've been really busy and tired today.' He said again as he took a sip from the glass of scotch.

'But you're not tired to take scotch are you?' Austin answered as he made his way to the kitchen to where mum was. 'And for your information, Martina made it to the top three, and won 2 medals, gold in vault and silver on beam.'

* * *

'Hey mum!' Austin said as he entered the kitchen and hugged her.

'How did the meet go? Did she make it?'

'Yes mum, she won gold in vault and silver in beam. Our Tina is with the top three.'

'Oh my! That's my girl! Where is she?' Mum asked excitedly as she cleaned her hands.

'She's in her room. Dad forgot the meet and all he said was 'How was training'. She's hurt… just give her some time… I'll talk to her.'

* * *

'And this will do it.' Lauren thought to herself, while she wrote the address on the envelope.

Her plans are always detailed and taken care till the last hiccup. But that's Lauren. She always gets what she wants. She quickly got dressed in her designer skirt and shirt and put on the new Olympic ring necklace that Steve Tanner had got her for the hard work she puts. As if she needed anything else. She is the spoiled princess.

'Where are you going Lauren?' Steve asked

'Um… I have a quick errand to do.' Lauren answered back with a sizzling smile. 'Don't worry dad, I won't be late at all.'

'You better not be! I've recorded all your apparatuses and I'd like to go over them with you before dinner.'

'Sure dad.' She finished before heading for the door.

* * *

'Hey little tuc. Is everything ok in there?' Austin said as he came into my room.

'Yeah… I'm ok… It's nothing.' I replied as I tried to shrug everything off.

'I know how you may feel…'

'No Austin, you don't. You are the perfect son. They always attended every meet, they visited every practice… What happened to our family? We used to be so close!'

'I don't know Tina, but I guess time will tell us… Don't worry; everything will get back to what we all were.'

'Thanks for being there today Austin.'

'I told you, I'm always going to be there for you little tuc, but now you have to do something for me ok?'

'Yeah… sure… What is it?'

'You didn't have any breakfast today, and all you had was that cereal bar before the meet. I brought you a sandwich. You have to eat it. Ok?'

'Austin, I'm really not that hungry, I guess… adrenaline is at its top right now.'

'I know how that ought to feel, but you really need to eat something… ok?'

'Ok Austin… I promise… Leave it on the desk for now… I'll eat it later… promise'

He eyed me suspiciously before leaving the plate there, but he had full trust in me, and besides, I had just came from a very important meet, so for sure I was already excited from everything that I've just went through.

'If you need anything just come to my room ok?' Austin told me as he headed to the door. 'And got get showered, tonight we're going out. It's been a bit since we went to the movies so it's time to have some brother sister time. Are you in?'

'Definitely Austin!' I said in utter happiness. 'Thanks!'

* * *

It was finally time to go out on a Saturday evening. It had been a bit since both Austin and I went out together. In time we used to do it as a whole family, but that had gone long ago. As we went down the stairs, our parents were arguing again.

'Robert this is driving me crazy! What are you hiding from me?'

'Margaret shut the hell up! I'm not hiding anything from you! If you want to leave, leave. No one is going to stop you. I am your husband and you ought to treat me like one!'

'I don't treat you like a husband? You're the king here! You find everything clean, clothes and everything. We make love whenever you want, you're never here, and most of all, not to mention those suspicious phone calls.' Mum continued.

'Austin, I'll wait in the car.' I told him as I headed out.

He went to the kitchen were both our parents were fighting.

'WILL YOU TWO JUST SHUT UP! I'm tired of hearing you fight.'

'Tell your mother that Austin.'

'Your mother? Now that's mature Robert!' Mum answered back.

'You know what… do as you guys like. But know that you're ruining this family.' Austin replied as grabbed the garage keys. 'Martina and I are heading out. I'm taking her to the movies and we're staying out late. So don't wait up. For once I'd like to get her home with utter silence.' Austin finished as he headed out.


	7. Chapter 7

It was late at night when both Austin and I arrived at home. Mum and dad were already in bed, or at least we thought so. Austin held me tightly from my hand as I was on the verge of falling to the floor and sleep there. It was such a night. Austin took me to this awesome movie and then we ended up having dinner out. We stayed out at the meadow were we stared at the stars, while we talked about everything, but the air made the best of me. I was too sleepy to do anything.

'Austin, you know? If you weren't my brother, I would have dated you.' I said as he laughed it off.

'Yeah, maybe in another life… But I'm glad I'm your brother kiddo.' He smiled as he helped me in bed.

'You know, I still can't date you even if we were in another life!' I said back.

'Because of gymnastics?'

'Um… no…. it's just… I'm with Isaac.'

'You what?' Austin asked me in disbelief.

'I'm dating Isaac Austin.'

'Are you insane? Do you know what danger are you risking? Do you want Sasha to discover this relationship?'

'We've been on for almost a year and a half Austin. Nobody knows... except you now.'

'Why haven't you told me earlier?' Austin asked a bit hurt.

'I don't know… I was afraid… but I know you understand me, and I thought I should tell you.' I said again as I stood to a seating position.

Austin smiled. 'Thanks for trusting me, but you could have told me earlier!' He replied as he moved a lock of hair to my ears. 'Now rest, we have plenty of time to talk tomorrow. Ok?'

'Good night Austin… I love you.'

'I love you too little tuc.'

* * *

The following morning, both Austin and I went for the usual run. We used to make small races, and of course, usually Austin won. Guess it is normal. He's a 20 year old man. He has all the strength he needs. We had arrived at the park when I had to stop.

'Austin stop stop… I have a cramp in my leg.' I said as I limbed towards the benches.

'Are you ok little tuc?'

'Yes Austin, it's just a cramp.' I playfully punched him back, while my phone beeped. I opened it and smiled and the text I received.

'Is it from Isaac?'

'Yes Austin… He is so sweet.' I told him while I replied back.

'When did you two become a thing?'

'I don't know. It kind off happened.'

'I'm not telling you to leave him, but you should pay attention. I don't want you to lose everything over a boy. You'll have plenty of time to date after nationals.'

'I know Austin.' I replied back as I got up from the bench. 'Race you to home?' I continued as took the hurdle for the run.

'Oh you're so on little tuc.'

* * *

'Do you want me to spot you Kaylie?'

'Yeah. I'd like to land this for once.' Kaylie replied. 'Listen… I have been invited to a party tonight… Do you want to come?'

'What party?' Payson added

'Yeah… What if Sasha finds out?' Emily continued.

'He won't… Listen, this is a Kegger Party… So no one will find out… Are you in or not guys?' Kaylie asked excitedly. 'Lauren isn't going to be there. We can have a night without any drama!'

We all smiled at that. A night without Lauren's antics. A night without any of Lauren's tedious comments. A night just for us.

'I'm in...' All three of us replied.

'What is going on ladies?' Sasha retorted.

'Nothing Sasha.' Kaylie replied quickly. 'Tina was going to spot me on bars.'

'And you ladies?' Sasha motioned to Payson and Emily.

'Um… We're... going on floor.' They agreed together.

'Off you go then…'

* * *

As we arrived home, another argument was at its rise between my parents. Austin went on as if nothing happened. I on the other hand went straight to my room. I studied a bit till the time for the party arrived. However, nothing ever happens without Austin noticing.

'You were awfully secretive today?' Austin stated from the door.

'Geez… you scared me…' I answered immediately. 'and who are you referring to as secretive?'

'You, Kaylie, Payson, Emily…' Austin said as he moved to my bed and made himself comfortable.

'Um… It's nothing…' I replied as I went back to my work.

'You have quite an outfit prepared…' Austin noticed. 'You know you can tell me anything right?'

'Yes Austin.' I replied as I moved into my room closet and changed quickly, while he eyed me suspiciously. 'Ok, fine, I'll tell you… Only if you promise not to say anything.'

'Martina, I'm not promising you anything.'

It was one of the things I hated from Austin. He was always too protective when coming to me. I was like a porcelain doll for him. Yes, I am his baby sister, but that doesn't mean he has to treat me like one.

'Martina, tell me or you have to tell dad.'

'Ok, ok, fine, I'll tell you.' I finally said as I gave up and stood up on my feet. 'So, what do you think about this look for a kegger party?'

'A kegger party?' Austin asked

'Yes… Kaylie brought the idea, and we're going… without Lauren… a night with no drama!'

'Tina, do you know what happens in a kegger party?'

'It seems that you know Austin…' I answered back as I received another text.

'Hey, do you want to meet tonight? I can't wait to touch your lips and wow you!' – Isaac.

'Is that Isaac?'

'Yeah…' I answered back. 'He wants to meet.'

'Dad all over me, I can't get out of the house. …. Sorry… …..' – Tina

'And?'

'I want to go to the party.'

'Tina… A lot happens in those types of parties…' Austin said in concern. 'Drinking, Date rape drugs, sex… I don't want anything to happen to my little tuc.'

'Don't worry Austin, I'll keep my own cup and I won't drink… I promise.' I said again as I put my phone in my small purse. 'Just cover for me… ok?'

'Ok, but if anything happens, I want you to call me… ok?'

'Ok Austin…' I replied as my phone beeped again. 'Kaylie's here… Got to go…'

* * *

Austin was right. At this party all there was, was drinking, and cute boys. At first all of us felt out of place. It was our first time going to a party… until a guy came forward to talk to us.

'Hello cuties… What can I get you?' He asked us as he eyed us.

'Um… what's on the menu?' Payson asked.

'Well, beer for sure is on the house…'

'We'll take four please.' Kaylie replied while she eyed me and pulled me to the side. 'You see, we just needed to give this party some time.'

'Here you go ladies.' He said as he handed us the beers. 'I'm Jason and that's my buddy Alex.'

'Hey…' I said back, as I took a sip from the beer. My first reaction on taking it was quite sour. I hoped nobody noticed but the opposite just happened.

'If you don't like that I can get you some liquor.' Alex said.

'Um… no thanks… for now… I'll stick to beer… Maybe later…'

* * *

All of us continued to mingle with the guys there. I never noticed how a onetime beer became 4. I felt light headed, and for sure tipsy. The liquor Alex brought me didn't help either. I was feeling weaker each second that passed.

'So… what do you do?' Alex asked as he handed me my second liquor.

'Well, I'm a student… and a full time gymnast.'

'So you are one of those elastic girls that flip through the air?' Alex asked.

'Sort of… yes…'

'Come on show us something…'

'What?'

'Show us of something… even just a simple handstand…'

'Ok, a handstand…'

'But on this basket.'

'What?'

'Yes…' Alex said, as he moved to get all the guys… 'GUYS MARTINA TUCKER IS DOING A HANDSTAND ON THE ICE BASKET.

'MARTINA MARTINA MARTINA…'

I simply went to it. I could feel everyone looking at me and staring at me. I could feel all those eyes, but for once I felt proud. I felt free. Guess alcohol was taking its toll on me.

All of a sudden I hear someone out of tune with the others and go down from my handstand. I turn and find…


	8. Chapter 8

'Martina? What are you doing here?'

'Isaac… It's not what it looks like! I can explain.'

'So you ditched me to come to this party? You said that your dad was all over you. And you are here? With all these guys?'

'No no Isaac, it's not like that… I just wanted to come with my friends.'

'So you choose to lie to me instead of telling me the truth?'

'Isaac…'

'You know what… Do as you like… We're over.'

'Isaac!' I shouted as he moved away and the others came beside me.

'Maybe it's for the best.' Alex said as he saw that Isaac left.

* * *

I was at the bar sitting there just staring, when finally Emily came with Austin.

'What are you doing here Austin?' I asked shakily.

'What I should have done before you came to this party in the first place. I told you not to drink.' Austin replied as he took me from my hand to drag me out.

'Leave me alone Austin!' I retorted as I shook his hand off while Alex came to the rescue.

'You heard her Mr… now leave.'

'Are you ordering me?' Austin challenged.

'Yes…' Alex moved forward to face Austin, and squeezed my but as I was also facing Austin, and it was a wrong judgement from Alex. Austin didn't think twice and simply punched Alex.

'What did you just do?' Alex challenged back.

'Come on Austin!' Emily and Payson both pulled him back. We were all afraid that a fight was to start.

* * *

'What the hell were you thinking tonight? You know what? No one was thinking!' Austin continued in the car.

'Austin, I need a bag here.' Payson said as she held my hair back.

'Oh shit…' Austin said as he handed her the barf bag. 'How much had she drunk tonight?'

'Um… That depends…' Emily answered.

'What do you mean?'

'Well… How much drinks does a girl who never drank in her whole life has to drink to actually do get drunk?' Kaylie replied.

'Only one.' Austin replied looking at all of them.

Payson, Kaylie and Emily all looked towards each other. 'Definitely two.' Emily answered back.

'It was five Emily… I brought her another one, and Alex got her the liquors.' Kaylie finished.

'She's so going to regret this tomorrow morning.' Austin replied, as they all heard the throwing up sounds.

* * *

'I'm sorry Austin for tonight. I know, I shouldn't have gotten drunk… But then… Isaac was there, and he saw me… and he said it's over.' I said as he helped me in bed. 'Could it be really over?'

'Don't worry about it Tina, everything will be ok tomorrow. Just give him some time.'

'Are you sure Austin?'

'Yes little tuc. I am…' He replied as he kissed my forehead and placed a hot towel on my forehead. 'Now rest. I'll be checking on you later ok?'

'Thank you Austin… for everything… I love you'

'I love you too little tuc.'

* * *

'What are you doing here Isaac?' Lauren started as she sat beside Isaac on the porch of the abandoned house.

'I should better ask you that.'

'Well, my father wanted to send me to some gospel stuff, and I ditched… What about you?'

'Have you ever felt that the person you truly love ditches you over some party?'

'Yeah… why?'

'I was Lauren… Today… Just now…'

'Don't worry… Who it was… She'll pay slowly…' Lauren said as she moved closer to him.

Isaac felt the same pull, and engaged into kissing with Lauren. It wasn't long till they found themselves naked. Going on top of each other… and it was too late to take everything back…

* * *

I never thought that a hangover would feel like that. It was weird. You feel sick from the inside. Austin did a round check every hour, and changed the hot towel on my forehead every time. I couldn't help feeling guilty that I disrespected him at the party. But who knows what unconditional love really is from a sibling?

'Hey little tuc!' Austin said as he came into my room at 7am. 'Good morning… how are you feeling?'

'I have a bit of a headache.' I complained.

'Here, you have some aspirin.' He said as he handed me a glass of water with the aspirin.

'Isaac didn't text back nor call… Do you think it's really over?'

'I don't think so little tuc…' He comforted me. 'But give him some time… you did blew him off'

'I know… and I regret what I did.'

'I know… But you better get ready now. Sasha called and he wants you in training today and you're going to be late.'

'Why is he getting me into training? Today out of all days?'

'I don't know, but you better get ready.' He said as he was leaving my room to give me some privacy.

'Austin?...'

'Yeah little tuc?'

'Thanks for yesterday.'

'I'd do it again if the need be… but please… don't get drunk ever again.'


	9. Chapter 9

The car drive to the Rock was a quiet one between Austin and me. He had just given me a whole preach how I never listen. Sometimes I wondered if he was becoming more like dad. Always complaining… Always preaching… But then that's Austin. He does have some of these moments and I wouldn't change them for the whole world. Yes, it is a contradicting thought. But without my brother, I would be nothing.

Kaylie and Payson were already waiting outside the gym, and when I saw them I was quite relieved. It means that it wasn't only me. Probably it was just a private training session with the three of us. I mean we did rock last meet against Denver… So we thought of that.

'Hey Tina!' Both Kaylie and Payson said as they came forward to hug me, while Austin rested on the car bonnet. 'Sasha called you too?'

'Apparently yes. Do you know what it's about?'

'I don't know.' Kaylie said. 'I'd rather be sleeping in today.'

'I told you guys that we shouldn't go to that stupid party.' Payson said as she crossed her hands across.

'Well, actually you said… 'I'm in' with Emily!' Kaylie replied, while Austin smiled at our antics.

'I should get going girls. I'll pick you up later little tuc.' He said as he entered his car and drove away.

'Great… Now we're left alone waiting.' Kaylie said.

'Not so long Kaylie.' Sasha replied behind us. 'Come on in the gym.'

'What's this about Sasha?' Payson asked. 'I mean, I'm all in for training, but this waiting is killing me.'

'I know Payson… and I'm going to cut to the story.' He replied as he sat down on a chair. 'Where were you last night?'

We all remained silent and staring at the ground while stealing a look here to each other.

'Are you not going to answer me?' Sasha replied as the door opened.

'Sorry I'm late Sasha. I slept in and…'

'Shut up Lauren and join your teammates.'

'Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed.'

'Are you going to tell me where you were last night, because as I see you love to party hard, then you should all stop wasting my time and leave this gym immediately.'

'Sasha I went to make sure everyone was ok.' Payson quickly answered. 'and even Emily was there, and she was for the same reason, and I don't see her here.'

'That's because I already suspended her from the gym. She's out for 2 weeks.'

'And there you see the loser. What I still can understand is why you brought me here Sasha! I mean I wasn't at that party!' Lauren continued.

'Yeah right and where did that hickey on your neck come from, and what's that green bracelet on your hand?'

'Sorry Sasha…'

'Shut up Lauren.' Sasha said as he stood up. 'From now on, things are going to change. Either you're taking this seriously or you're all out. Am I clear?'

'Yes…'

'I said, Am I Clear?'

'YES SASHA.'

'Good… That's all I wanted to say…' Sasha said as we grabbed our bags and made our way out. 'Wait, where are you going?'

'Um… home…'

'I didn't say you may leave.' Sasha continued 'You have training today, and as that finishes, you have to clean all the mats… Starting now. Give me 60 V-sits and who stops will put down this whole team, and all of you have to start over again.'

* * *

While we were cleaning the mats, all kind of talk had been going on. Mostly were arguments between Kaylie and Lauren. Payson and I remained doing our side of the mats, until one of Lauren's bomb shells had taken.

'Well at least I'm better than all of you now!'

'How are you better than us? Apparently you also were at the party last night!' Kaylie added.

'Yeah, and Isaac broke up with Martina last night… Big deal…'

'That is actually none of your business Lauren.'

'Oh really Martina… I wonder what happened to that darling handsome boy. You know… alone in a party full of hot blonde tall girls, who by the way actually do have lives.'

'Well, I'm glad with the life I have!'

'Yeah, with a father who's a cheater, with a mother who sticks to whatever she is told…'

'At least I have a mother… oh wait… I forgot yours left you when you were only 5, right?'

At that Lauren seemed to have a heart attack. 'Well, I know that Isaac is not a virgin anymore and neither am I.'

At that I remained staring at her. I couldn't believe what she had just said. No, it couldn't be. He is an amazing guy. I love him. He loves me. He is always faithful. No… Lauren is trying to get into my mind.

'You're lying…'

'Ask him where he was last night, and with whom.'

'You are lying.'

'Here I have his phone here if that doesn't prove you anything than I don't know.'

At that I got up and left the gym to the changing rooms. I called Austin as quickly as I could to come pick me up. He could feel that there's something wrong and his brotherly instinct told him to really not take long. Payson came behind me to see if I was ok. But she could see that I totally wasn't ok.

* * *

'How could you be so low Lauren? You sell your body to a stranger, and most of all to a guy who is not your boyfriend.'

'Hey, I wanted it. I'm finally not a virgin anymore.'

'Well congrats, because you've never been a virgin from the heart.' Kaylie replied as she left Lauren alone in the gym.

* * *

'Hey… What's wrong little tuc?'

'Nothing…'

'Martina you know…'

'I said I'm fine…'

I snapped at Austin. I didn't know what to do. But I couldn't tell him now. He would get mad for sure.

'I'm sorry Austin. It's just… I'm having some hard time right now.'

'I know little tuc. But I'm here for you… ok?'

'Ok… Thanks Austin.'

We made our way home in quiet with some small talk. He asked me about training and I ended up tell him everything that Sasha had told us… without the part of Lauren's new bomb shell. It was already hard as it was.

However, at home another bomb shell had dropped. Who knew what we were expecting that day?


	10. Chapter 10

'ROBERT GET OUT OF MY HOUSE… NOWWW!' I heard mum shouting.

* * *

'What's happening Austin?'

'I don't know. Go straight to your room… ok?' Austin replied.

* * *

'AND YOU HAVE THE FACE TO SHOW YOURSELF UP TELLING ME THAT YOU LOVE ME?' mum retorted. 'HOW DARE YOU?'

'I broke it off with her Margaret, and those photos mean nothing. Because I love you, and only you!'

'NO ROBERT, THIS IS NOT LOVE! YOU CHEATED ON ME. AND WITH WHOM? WITH BEALS?'

'Where did you get the photos from.' Dad said as he tried to go and hold mum from her arms.

'Don't you dare touch me Robert! You ruined our marriage! You broke this family apart!'

'Who sent you the photos Margaret?' Dad insisted again.

'I received them by post. I don't know who sent them to me, but I always suspected that you were seeing someone else. How could you come at night and make love to me? How could you tell me that you love me?'

'Did Martina tell you?'

'Martina? What does Martina have to do with this?'

'She knew… Austin knew… I made her promise not to tell you but I guess a PROMISE DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING TO HER!' Dad shouted last few words, so that I hear them.

'So all of you knew and I am the only one that doesn't know?' Mum said in tears, as Austin made his way to the kitchen.

'Yes mum we knew, but dad made us promise not to tell you.'

'And I bet your sister doesn't know the meaning OF A PROMISE!'

'If anything, she's like her father. When we got married we promised to stay together till death do us part, and you… you left…' Mum said in tears.

'Dad Martina never said anything. Stop blaming everything on her. She's a 16 year old for God's sake and she keeps better promises than all of us do.' Austin replied to dad, challenging him.

* * *

Back in my room I was only hearing shouting. The fighting got worse, and it was to no avail that Austin tried to calm everything down. Dad ended up punching his own son saying 'You should mind your own business', and at that Austin lost it.

* * *

'You made it my business dad when I see mum crying at night and my sister having to face all of this.'

'Stop it you two. Can't you see that this is for nothing?' Mum finally took a stand. 'Robert, I don't want to continue this marriage. Take everything from our bedroom and you're sleeping on the couch tonight.'

'Margaret!'

'Don't Margaret me… You should have seen it before you cheated.' Mum said as she made her way to what was once their room, leaving both Austin and dad alone.


	11. Chapter 11

I remained in my room, listening and hearing all the fighting, shouting… Austin seemed to be on edge. I've never heard him that way. Dad was mad at everyone, whilst mum was hurt and crying in her room. What was going to happen to mum now? What was going to happen to us? What was to be from what once was a family? We used to have faith in everything. We never gave up when problems arose. Maybe life happened? I don't know. I was trying to find an answer to a question that not even my parents could understand.

After what seemed like eternity, I heard Austin coming up the flight of stairs. I heard him talk to someone.

'Hey Max… Yeah… Listen, that roommate offer, is it still available?... Great… Can I take it?... Ok, thanks, I'll be there in an hour.'

Was Austin leaving here? No, that couldn't happen. What was going to happen to our family if he left? He is the glue holding us together. I couldn't stay without him.

* * *

I went to his room, and knocked before I entered, however when I did, I wanted to take it back. I found him packing everything. This couldn't happen. He was leaving for real.

'Austin… Are you leaving?'

'I'm sorry little tuc, but I can't stay here anymore… I'm tired of this.'

'What about me Austin? What am I to do?'

'Hey Martina, calm down… I'll always be coming here to pick you up for gym, go the usual morning run… We just have to adjust to the new place.'

'No, I don't want to adjust Austin. I don't want to be all alone here.'

'You won't be. I promise I'll visit every day, and I'll always be here for you.'

'No Austin you won't!... You'll push me away like everybody does.'

'I won't. Even if it's the last thing I'll do, I'll always be here for you.'

* * *

'I'm leaving mum.'

'Austin, why don't you stay? It's breaking my heart seeing you leave!'

'I know… but I need to focus right now… and all this is already putting a lot of stress.'

'I'm sorry Austin…'

'Don't worry mum… I love you.'

* * *

That was the end of me. Austin left and I'm left all alone with a dysfunctional continuously fighting family. Another fight had started as Austin left. This time, both were giving the blame on why Austin left. What was once a marriage full of agreements and peacefulness ended up a marriage full of fights. I now understand why Austin left. I wish could have left with him. I wouldn't be here in the middle of every fight.

It became a habit… monotony… Austin drives to our home to pick me up every morning and drives me back home. At times I ended up walking it to home, or spend a night at Kaylie's. Ronnie was always welcoming.

Dad was starting to live in a hotel room. I never thought they would actually become this parted. Mum and dad only met because of gymnastics meetings. They both were our managers, so family meals were only business meals. At least I could see Austin. Him moving was the hardest thing. We were so close… and now… I don't seem to know him as I used to.

'We should continue the Kobalt publicity Austin.' Dad started.

'Yes, they have a new line, and I'm glad they choose me.' Austin replied. 'What about Martina?'

'I managed to get her a sponsor. The New leotard line wants Tina to publicise their line.' Mum continued.

'So does it mean that my sponsorship is covered mum?'

'We have a lot more to go dear.'

'Where are you in your routine Martina?'

'Um… Working on it dad. I'm working on my double Arabian on floor and the round-off Arabian on bars.' I replied as I took a sip of water. 'Genji is the only one who can do it for now. I'll be the second.'

'Good… I'm expecting great results from you.'

'Yes dad.'

'You haven't touched a thing Martina… Don't you like it?' Mum started, as I took a small bite.

'Um… I'm not that hungry… I'll eat later mum.' I replied, while I got some suspicious looks from Austin.

As I got up from the table mum and dad continued engaging themselves into business talk with Austin. However, it wasn't long till Austin also had to leave.

* * *

'Ok, make sure you get the height after the round-off.' Sasha said as he moved off the floor. 'Keep your hands closer to your ear.'

I took a second to concentrate, until I heard Sasha's voice. He always filled me with courage. I took my run way, and managed to almost land it.

'That's good. Now you kind of know how it feels to stick.' Sasha said as he moved forward. He noticed I was shaking. 'Martina? Are you ok?'

'Um… Yeah… I just need some water.'

'Ok, go on…'

Sasha was already on my tail… I didn't want that to happen. I was just stressed. However at home, dad was already waiting with his managing work…


	12. Chapter 12

'Tina, up on the scale please?' Dad started as I entered home.

At first I hesitated, but then I obliged.

'A big day is coming soon for you. You have to be in your upper game.' Dad continued while he set the scale. 'Down 10 pounds… Not bad… you need to lose a few more pounds if you want height.'

'Yes dad.' I replied as I put on my sneakers. 'Um… Will Austin be here tonight?'

'I don't know…' Dad replied as he was cut by my mother.

'What is that scale doing in my living room?'

'She needs a reminder of the big day coming Margaret.' Dad replied as he moved the scale to the middle of the living room. 'Not that you understand or anything.'

'What are you saying? That I'm not considerate?'

'Not exactly! But yes.' Dad answered.

I noticed that another argument was about to start, so I decided to head to the gym, where I had my new treadmill and Genji's poster in front. I started running and running, and from what seemed like meters, ended up miles. However, it wasn't long till mum called me for dinner. That night, was another business dinner. Dad was talking about the press and how I had to show myself in front of them. Mum continued about the leotards selection, and what she thought best suited me. I must say, mum does have great taste… Pink and Black Leotards are so my thing.

'Don't you think she should go for more mature leotards?'

'Robert, if we do that, she'll be looking like a dork.' Mum replied as she took another bite. 'Like that we can represent the looks and the tiny body. The line said that it would be great for her to portray these.'

'Then do as you like. I'm not going to lose any sponsorship money.' Dad retorted, as he stood up to the couch, while mum joined.

'Dear can you do the dishes please? We need to discuss some things.'

'Yeah sure.' I replied as I took the dishes and cleaned everything. It's a good thing that I had to be alone in the kitchen. At least none of my parents noticed my plate. I quickly stashed everything away in a plastic bag, but while going to hide it, dad's jacket fell, and some papers fell from his pocket.

I opened the paper and couldn't believe what I just read. A Divorce paper? MY parents are filing for divorce? No it can't be!

I went directly to the living room, with the pages in my hands.

'What are these? Are you filing for divorce?' I asked while both of them remained staring at each other.

'Yes dear…'

'But you're so in love!'

'Were Martina, were…' Dad replied.

'We're not anymore… We… fell out of love!.'

'No… you can't file for divorce now! Please… just…'

'We can't Martina.' Mum replied as she came towards me.

'Please mum, dad! Just … please… at least wait till nationals are over! 6 months! I'm asking for 6 months!'

'Martina, we can't do that… We have to move on.'

'Was I bad daughter to you?'

'This has nothing to do with you Martina!' Dad answered.

'You filing for divorce has everything to do with me! I'm your daughter! Austin is your son, he won't agree if you tell him.'

'Um… We already did dear.' Mum replied

'What?'

'Yes, and he agreed.' Dad continued.

'Please daddy! I'm only asking for this! Just… 6 months! 6 months and that's all! Please!'

Both of them looked towards each other, until finally mum talked.

'Ok, 6 more months… We'll wait for 6 months.'

'Thank you!'

* * *

That night I was devastated. I couldn't believe what was happening… Now of all times. I needed to talk to someone, but Austin wasn't there. I went on the treadmill and continued running there. 8 miles… 8.3 miles… 8.6 miles… 9 miles...


	13. Chapter 13

Another busy day at gym… everyone was training harder than even. The selections to the nationals were to be made. We had to be tip top condition. After Payson's comeback from her broken back, nobody was thinking twice to go for it. If Payson made an amazing return after all that hard time, then nobody should complain about anything.

Kaylie on the other hand, was also trying to increase her DOD on vault, and Emily was aiding her in that. Emily is the best on vault. She's a great gymnast. Lauren, as usual was still being the obnoxious girl.

Things between Isaac and me got from bad to worse. It seems strange how from lovers one becomes back to stranger. From what Lauren told me, when Isaac told Austin what happened, he ended up being punched, and now they're not talking.

I went back to the bars, where I tried my round off Arabian for the 10th time that day. Sasha was there to spot me. I took a small run and did my round-off and hit the spring board. I continued to follow the Arabian, and finally, I stuck it and continued with my routine. I dismounted with a double back.

'Martina, I'd like you to go to your old routine.' Sasha told me

'What? You just saw what I did Sasha! I finally nailed it!'

'But you're not consistent with it. Plus that move favours thin girls.' He explained.

'I know I can do it Sasha!'

'And I don't have any doubt about it. But not for this meet.'

'Marty believes I can do it!'

'Marty isn't your coach, and doesn't know your strengths. I do.' Sasha said as he moved away.

* * *

'What was that all about?' Kaylie asked as he came beside me.

'It's about the round-off Arabian mount.'

'Ohh… Good luck with that.'

'Thanks! I need it!'

* * *

It was time to finally go home. After almost a week since Austin dined with us, he was to come home for another dinner meeting.

'Hey little tuc… you ready?'

'Yeah… I just need to close this… and I'm done.' I replied as I closed my bag. 'When are you coming back home Austin?'

'I don't know sis… Probably soon!' He smiled. 'Um… listen… it's just…some people are concerned about you. Are you ok?'

'Yeah… why shouldn't I be?'

'It's just… you look very different.'

'I'm ok Austin. Don't worry about me!'

* * *

During dinner, everybody was busy doing his own thing. Austin discussed his training progress and I did mine. Everybody was busy with his talking… and again I was left fending on my own.

'Dear you haven't had any breakfast and you're not touching dinners! Don't you like it?' Mum asked in concern.

'I'm really tired mum. That's all… I'll eat later…' I replied as I pushed away my plate. 'Besides I had a huge lunch at the gym.'

Austin looked at me suspiciously, and I could definitely see that he was suspecting something. Nothing ever went by without him noticing.

'I'm going to the gym.'

'You better work your ass off Martina. I'm not going to waste my time with you.'

'Yes dad.' I replied as I went forward and hugged Austin 'I love you brother. Before you go come and say goodbye please?'

'Sure will do little tuc.'

* * *

The following morning mum came into my room with a breakfast tray. It was the most time I hated from all times.

'Good morning dear.' Mum greeted me. 'I brought you breakfast. It's a cereal and your favourite muffin.'

'YUMM.' I said sarcastically.

'You need to keep your energy levels up. You constantly train and you need to refuel yourself.'

'Mum, I'm a two time medallist, am training 8 hours a day, go to school and am trying to get the only move that one of the best gymnast in the world can do. Now does that sound like someone who is undernourished to you?'

'No dear, but you didn't have any dinner last night… so… eat…' She replied as she headed out.

I quickly closed the door, and brought the plastic bag from my room bin, and stashed everything quickly. I quickly got dressed and prepared all the necessary things that I had to take with me for training. All of a sudden I heard a knock on the door.


	14. Chapter 14

'Hey! What's taking you so long?'

'Um… Nothing… I was just getting my stuff ready.'

'Did you eat breakfast?' Austin asked as he sat down on the bed, watching every move I make.

'Yeah… It was delicious.' I replied smiling weakly.

I continued putting on my sneakers and wore my hair in a ponytail, when from the mirror opposite to Austin, I could see that he was staring at me.

'What?' I asked him.

'Nothing… You look a bit different…' He replied making sure to have eye contact.

'Well, yeah, I'm more toned for the round off Arabian.' I answered as I grabbed my duffle bag. 'I'm ready.'

* * *

I was on the beam where I was showing Sasha my routine. It had a lot going on in it, with a DOD of 4.5. I continued normally while he looked.

'Now do a switch leap… Good… Triple twist dismount.'

I took a little run and did a round-off while dismounted with a triple twist. I managed to stick the landing. I was feeling light headed, and a bit weak. I walked to where I had my water bottle and took few sips, trying to gain myself into full consciousness… Sasha kept looking at me with a concerned look until he moved forward.

'Martina, you look shaky and weak. I'm afraid that you may still be losing weight.'

'Don't worry Sasha, I'm not losing any more weight, now if I please have your permission, I'd like to get back to my training.' I replied while he stared at me with a questioning look, until finally he answered.

'Go on…'

* * *

'What's up with Sasha today?' Payson asked.

'I don't know… maybe the coming meet?' Kaylie replied. 'You have few more seconds Tina and you can go down.'

I was feeling funny… all the lights were blurry and it wasn't long… till all I was seeing was black.

'Tina Tina, wake up!' Kaylie and Payson shouted as they rushed beside me, along with Sasha and Austin.

'Give her some space…' Sasha ordered. 'Everybody get back to work! There's nothing to see here.'

'Martina, can you hear me?' Sasha asked.

* * *

Few seconds later I came back to myself. I saw both Austin and Sasha staring at me. At first I didn't realise what happened, but then I noticed.

'How are you feeling Martina?' Sasha asked while Austin brought me some water.

'Good, I stayed too long on the handstand. I felt that my head was going to explode…' I replied

'How long was it?'

'Um… we girls were trying to put a 5 minute…'

'A 5 minute handstand? Are you nuts?' Austin replied.

'Austin calm down…' Sasha said. 'Can you walk Martina?'

'Yes...'

'Good, go to the locker room, and lie down for a minute. Ok?'

'No no, I'm fine, I can get back to training.' I said as I quickly stood up, while I stumbled on my foot. 'I stumbled on my foot… It's nothing… Really!'

'Ok… but light conditioning…'

'Thanks Sasha.' I replied as I was to move. 'Austin I can walk.'

He left me immediately, and I walked towards my friends, where they were all looking at me a bit different. We ended up doing some light routines on bars.

* * *

'Austin, can you tell your parents that I'd like to talk to them tonight?'

'Yeah sure Sasha.' He replied.

'Don't tell Martina I'm coming.'

* * *

The drive to home was quite short, yet full of talk both Austin and I used to have back when he was living with us. I miss him at home. He used to make everything feel right. I quickly went to my room, and took a small nap. But it wasn't long till I had to wake up…

I went to the basement gym where I started some cardio, however it wasn't long till the gym was filled with 3 more people.

'Sasha, what are you doing here?'

'Sasha, is worried about your weight.' Dad stated.

'I don't mean to ambush you Martina, I just thought that your parents should be included in this discussion…'

'…and we can end this discussion right now!' Dad continued. 'Will you, get on the scale Martina?'

I couldn't get out of it… My only choice was to oblige, and went onto the weighing balance.

'90 pounds… right in her target range for a 4'6'

'I'm sorry if it seems like I'm intruding, but my job is to make sure that my gymnasts are not only fit, but healthy.'

'And as you can see, Martina is both.'

'Yeah, it would appear that way.' Sasha continued.

'We're just making sure… sweety…' Mum added.

'I'll see you at the gym tomorrow.'

'Right… I'll see you tomorrow.'

As all of them exited, I took a sigh of relief. It was so close. I took off my thigh weights, each weighing 6 pounds. I felt guilty that I did that… But I had to get them off my back… After all, I was doing it for them.


	15. Chapter 15

I didn't know how I managed to get myself into this mess. I continued training, however exhaustion was taking place. I went up to my room and crashed the minute I touched my head to the pillow. I didn't even say bye to Austin. Didn't notice that he was there. I got used to Austin not being there. I would give anything for him to come back home. But I guess, it's not in my power.

At around 11pm mum came into my room to take the laundry and the leotard that I forgot to put in the laundry basket. She went through my bag, and found what was not expected. She found my bag with the stashed food, but simply left it there, and didn't think about it.

The following morning, Austin, made sure that he'd come for breakfast. Guess it was the only way for him to pinpoint everything. Mum and dad woke up arguing about what piece of music they should choose for me. What seemed to keep them together seemed to get them more to fight. You never win with my parents.

'All I'm saying is that she needs to be taken seriously. A classical piece of music would make the cut.' Dad started as he took a piece of his omelette.

'So boring… You'll get people wanting to sleep… We need to leave both audience and judges on tip toes.'

'You know what? Let's ask Martina…' Dad suggested. 'Martina, what do you prefer? The one your mother chose, or mine?'

'Um… well… both are good… but… why don't I let you chose what's best for me?' I answered hesitantly.

Dad stared at mum… 'It's called 'not wanting to side with anyone' Robert…' Mum stated.

'Why don't you mix the music mum wants, with the piece dad thinks should be used?' Austin suggested.

'That's actually not a bad idea.' Mum agreed, while dad gave another look. 'It's a compromise Robert. Surely, you know what it is.'

'Ok, we'll give the music to an editor and he'll work it out.' Dad replied.

'Dear, aren't you going to finish breakfast? You haven't touched a thing!' Mum noticed.

'Um… I'm still full from last night.' I replied, which again, got me some looks from Austin, but he wasn't sure what to do, so for that moment, he dropped it.

* * *

Back at the gym, everyone was training harder than ever, but besides all the training, fun was not missed. Emily was doing her floor routine, while Payson, Kaylie and I done some conditioning for when it was our turn to take the floor.

'Think about it… We all work had for years, and it will end in only one weekend.' Kaylie started.

'But we've been dreaming for this moment since we were 3 years old.' Payson continued.

'Speak for yourself… Austin started at that age… I didn't.'

'But look at how far you've become.' Payson added. 'You reached our level in a shorter period of time.'

'That true…'

'By the way, how are things with your parents?' Kaylie asked.

'Bad.' I said as I stretched my back. 'They're filing for divorce.'

'What?' Both asked amazed.

'Yeah… mum discovered about dad cheating.' I replied.

'How? I mean… you said that it was to be kept between your dad and Austin.' Kaylie said as she came forward.

'Well… Somebody decided to send the photos to my mother…'

'Do you have any idea who did it?' Payson asked

'Do I have to think? I think its Lauren. I don't think her father has that evilness in him.'

'Girls, get back to work, we're not in a playschool here.' Sasha retorted.

* * *

I moved forward to where Austin was doing his parallel bar routine. He's such a strong athlete, and he's my brother. He continued concentrating hard on his routine. It was perfectly executed. No flaws. He finally took his final pass, and finished his routine with a triple back.

'Hey little tuc.'

'Hey… um… are you ready from the cam please?'

'Soon, once I'll get tired looking at myself.' He teased back. 'What do you need?'

'I need it for my vault.'

'I can shoot for you if you want…' He replied as he took the camera in his hand.

'Yeah, that would be great.' I replied as I moved towards the vault. 'Please focus on my run, I need to see how it is.'

I took my place while Austin took his.

'You are my muse… Let's see it.' Austin said.

I felt shaky and cold. I tried controlling my shaking. Austin looked up from the camera, as seeing everything close up, made him realise everything. I took my run, and followed a round-off. I hit the spring board hard, and followed a back handspring onto the vault table. I could feel myself twisting the two and half. Finally, I could feel the floor under my feet. I saluted and made a pace to walk towards Austin. I tried keeping my equilibrium, but everything seemed to be turning. I took two paces and held to the vault table as a support and took a breath, while then I continued walking towards Austin.

I could see him speculating the situation, and if by then he didn't notice, for sure now he did notice.

'So, how was it?' I asked with a smile.

'It was quite good. Don't squat too much on your landing.' He replied while I took a sip of water. 'Are you ok?'

'Yeah, I'm great Austin… why do you ask?'

'Nothing.'

* * *

I continued training with my teammates. We took turns in spotting each other. Austin had already left for home. Well, almost everyone left. Except us five.

Lauren had rented the beam, and nobody else could use it. Seeing as things were like that, we decided to split apparatuses. I took bars, Payson took Vault and Emily and Kaylie took floor.

'Keep your legs tight Kaylie. Don't be afraid to go for it.' Sasha said. 'Ok, you're dismissed for the day. I want you to all go home, and rest. You have to at least have 8 hours sleep every night.'

'Thanks Sasha.'

'Martina, I need to talk to you before you leave.'

'Um… Yeah sure… What is it?'

'The thing is that I'm still concerned that you may still be losing weight to…'

'We've already been through this yesterday Sasha. I'm fine and everything is fine. According to Beals my diet is perfect and my training is perfect. I need to work harder if I want to make the national team. Now if you don't mind, I'd like to get on my way please.'

He stared at me for a couple of seconds… 'Yeah.'

'I'll see you tomorrow.' I replied as I made my way out.


	16. Chapter 16

I started my way to home. Had a long way to go, but I could use that time for more exercising… It helps more if I want to reach the top. I've always imagined being someone. Dad always had the philosophy that we shouldn't be a number but a 'someone', and I guess I agree with him. I thought about how my family used to be. It brought tears and shivers down my back. I miss when dad used to give me the piggy backs, and when my parents were so in love with each other. I remember them kissing every morning and Austin and I teasing them saying 'cooties'… That was the time I truly really loved. I miss Austin… He always made me feel special in any way. I still can't believe he left home. I sometimes go to his room, and imagine him there, watching a movie or even doing some cardio. Anything he used to do. I remember when he went and got his tattoo. Mum was hysterical. I liked it, but I never liked the idea of putting foreign stuff on one's body.

After few minutes walking, I see Austin's car coming closer and closer until finally it came to a stop.

'Hey little tuc…' He greeted with his usual charm.

'Hey …' I smiled. 'Nice car. Is this new?'

'Sponsorship.' He simply replied. 'Want a ride?'

'Um…'

'Oh come on Martina! I haven't been able to see you in ages.'

'It's not my fault Austin.'

'I know… Come on… I'll drive you.'

'Ok… '

* * *

'Lauren what did you do?'

'What daddy?' Lauren asked with her innocent act.

'I had Mr Tucker's photos here. Where are they?'

'Well… I did what you had to do…'

'Lauren do you realize that you've broken a family apart?'

'Don't worry daddy… you don't have dirty hands… I do…' She said as she smiled her obnoxious smile.

'Lauren that was a very wrong thing to do. You have to tell them.'

'No daddy please!...'

'Lauren we can't do this… You've ruined a family!'

'Please daddy, if you tell them I'm ruined. No gymnastics and no nothing…' Lauren pleaded while Steve remained thinking and staring at her. 'Please daddy.'

'Ok Lauren… but you have to promise me that you have to change!'

'Ok daddy, I promise…'

* * *

The drive to home was different… and longer… Where were we driving? To the end of the world? Austin was trying some small talk. We both talked about our training, while he asked me about how family life is. Things have really changed. Finally the car came to a stop.

'Why are we stopping?' I asked

'Yeah, I love Boulder.' Austin replied avoiding my question.

'Yeah, I do to... Can we head back now?'

'Relax, chill, take in the nature.' He replied again as he went to his luggage boot and took out of what seemed like a bag, while moving to a nearby table.

'What are you doing?'

'Having a picnic.' He simply replied.

'But I'm not hungry.'

'You worked hard all day in that gym... I thought it would be nice if we take a meal together.'

'Well... that's... that's very nice of you Austin, but... I... um... I just said I'm not hungry.' I said again while he continued taking out boxes of food. 'Did you hear me?'

'I'm hearing you, I'm just not listening to you.' He replied back giving me a look. 'Take a load off.' He continued as I sat down. 'This is one is one of my favourites... got it from the farmer's market.'

'You know what? I just ate lunch and I'm eating dinner with my parents... so?'

'Oh come on... just take one bite. One little bite isn't going to hurt you.' He replied again pushing the box of salad towards me.

'Why are you being like this?' 'If I'm not hungry, I'm not hungry.'

'Tina, you had lunch 5 hours ago...' He inquired.

'So?'

'You went through a really growling training today.'

'Oh my God, are you testing me?' I replied staring into his hazel eyes.

'I'm just concerned...'

'Concerned? Concerned because I don't want to take your farmer's market salad?...Alright fine...' I said as I took one bite. 'Done... you happy now? Take me back to the gym. I'll walk it from there.' I continued as I went back to the car.


	17. Chapter 17

The drive to the gym was a really quiet one. Austin kept looking at me at times, while I remained staring outside my window of the now closed convertible car. After almost 20 minutes on the road, we arrived at the gym. I got the door handle immediately to get out, but Austin stopped me immediately.

'Wait wait. Let me explain.' He started as he pulled me from my arm. 'Look, I know the pressure felt to be on top, and a champion. I know about the pressure that you have to stay small, but I've seen gymnasts that ended up with an eating disorder and ended up losing everything.'

'Funny, I thought you never looked at any gymnasts. If I'm not mistaken you said that you don't want to get involved with girls unless you've fulfilled all your dreams.'

'I'm talking about my previous coach… Before Sasha… She knew the pressure on being small, and it got out of hand.'

'What happened then? How is she?' I asked with a softer tone.

'Today she's ok, but she lost everything she worked for. She's a coach assistant now.'

'Look, I'm sorry about how I reacted back at the park… and yes… I may have had some problems these days. But I promise… It stops today.' I replied back with a weak smile.

'I'm always here for you little tuc.'

'I know Austin, and I'm sorry… For… for being like this these days… It's just… I'm a bit stressed. But I'm ok now.' I continued as he smiled.

'What do you say about driving you home?'

'I'd love that…'

* * *

5.3 miles, 6.3 miles, 6.5 miles, 7.5 miles, 10.3 miles. It had been hours since I was on the treadmill. At 10pm I decided to head to my room to study. Mum and dad were at a gym conference, so I was all alone at home. I continued doing my short notes. One thing I could never give up was my studies. Although it was hard managing with school, gymnastics and training, I still loved going into my room studying. It was the only time where I felt my mind quiet. It was a constant battle inside. A voice telling me I'm worthless and another saying to go for it. Although I tried listening to both, sometimes, only one side won.

At about 11pm my parents came home. Everybody could have noticed that they were back with the entire racket they caused. I couldn't understand the argument they were having but I didn't feel like going to see what was going on. Seeing as it was already late, I decided to head to sleep.

* * *

'Good morning girls…' Ellen Beals started. 'You know why we're all here today. The NGO and I are going to observe your training today, and another cut is going to be made. All the best… Good luck.'

We all started conditioning. Payson, Kaylie, Emily and I provided a team conditioning. It helped in not being boring. We made it fun. Each gymnast took a turn on every apparatus. Payson was the best. She did manage to do everything that she used to do before she broke her back. She even managed to overcome her fears of bars. I admire her.

Emily did best in vault. Her body favours her. She's tall and skinny… I couldn't help thinking on how bad I looked compared with others. Kaylie as usual, dominated the floor. With her dazzling smile and wowing judges, for sure got her on the team.

Lauren continued dominating the beam, and she did! Although we were quite enemies, I still was happy for her. But after them it was time to do my routine.

'Martina, how are you doing on the round-off Arabian?' Beals asked.

'I'm working on it, and have almost mastered it.' I replied as I put on my grips. 'I'm only polishing it now.'

'I told the committee about this, and they'd like to see it.' Beals said, while I nodded.

I took my place few feet away from the springboard. All my friends, Austin and Sasha were holding their breath. I took a run, and mounted on the low bar with a round-off Arabian. I nailed it. I continued the routine flawlessly. It was time for the dismount. I did three giants and took off the bar with a double back and landed.

Everything was blurry, but I shrugged it off quickly, and went to get some water. Both Austin and Sasha kept staring at me. Finally Sasha decided to talk to Beals.

'Beals, Martina believes that she has to lose more weight to master Genji's move. Maybe you can tell her not to do it.'

'Sasha, all I see in her is a champion. She pushes herself to the limit and she nailed it. All she needs is some polishing off. Sasha, you have no jurisdiction in the national team.' She finished as she left. 'The selections are done and these are the girls that are going to compete for National Championship.'

'Kaylie Cruz, Martina Tucker, Payson Keeler, Emily Kmetko, Lauren Tanner, Kelly Parker, Lisa Smith, Nadia Reynolds, Martha Johnson, and Amy Anderson.

* * *

'Sasha, did you talk to Beals?' Austin asked as he approached him.

'I did…'

'And?'

'She thinks that this is what a champion has to do. She said that I don't have any jurisdiction with the national team.'

* * *

'Congratulations to all gymnasts. I'll see you in a week time.' Beals said before she left.

* * *

It was finally time to go home. I was exhausted after a day like that. Being excited gets you tired alone. But I did it. I made the second cut with my friends.

As I got out of the gym Austin was waiting for me.

'Hey... what's up?' I asked as I saw him in a bit of a thoughtful place.

'I don't want you to compete at the world trials...not in your condition... you have too much to lose.'

'Is this still about my eating?'

'You need to get your strength back.' He said as he moved forward.

'Enough...look...I know you mean well...but I've been through this with Sasha and our parents... they weighed me... they're convinced that nothing is wrong, so just... butt out... ok?' I replied quickly as I tried to make my way away from him, but it was to no avail, because Austin blocked me.

'My coach used to put rolls of coins in her underwear to add weight. No one looked there. Other times she'd gorge herself on water or just regulated the scale... how did you do it? How did you fool Sasha and our parents?' He accused as he gave his suspicious look.

'I'm not fooling my parents Austin... For your information I'm the only thing that's keeping them together.'

'What do you?...' He asked surprised.

'My gymnastics, my championship, it's the only thing that keeps my family together.'

'Tina, I'm just telling you...'

'No, I don't need you to tell me anything. I'm fine, my eating is fine, and the only thing that it's not fine is you butting into my life... So stay out. You've already left me alone, so you have no right to tell me what to do.' I replied back as I crossed the road and made my way to home.


	18. Chapter 18

It drove Austin nuts that he couldn't prove his point to me. Both Sasha and my parents were convinced that nothing is wrong, so it was to no avail that he pinpointed to me. He came to the family dinner, and I couldn't quite escape that one. However, family dinners never lasted with us. Arguments over arguments… shouting over shouting… who was right?

Austin was being the mediator again, and nobody even noticed that I got up from the table and went back to the gym. Except Austin… He gave me his look, but was too busy to talk to me… So it was in my favour.

* * *

It was 8am, and the gym was filled with gymnasts trying to make the best of their careers. Lauren was nowhere to be seen. Guess she truly went to the camping trip with her father. We still missed her…although her being obnoxious and jealous of everything.

Payson, Emily, Kaylie and I took an apparatus each. Payson took bars, Emily took vault, Kaylie floor, and I took the beam. Emily moved towards the vault as if it was nothing. I admire her courage. The fact that I had to run towards a stationary object and jump on it and do some twisty routine brought fear and shivers down my spine.

Kaylie was dazzling the gym with her flawless dance moves. It was an advantage over us that she used to take ballet. She is both an amazing athlete and gymnast. Payson on the other hand was doing her bar routine. She worked to the aches and pains, and although she is tall, she proved everyone wrong, as this is a sport that favours small short girls.

At around 8.30am Austin came in the gym, and Sasha didn't greet him happily, so he went straight to conditioning. He saw me work on my beam routines, but I wasn't sticking the landing at times. After about 10 times trying the same trick over and over again and falling for 4 times he came to talk to me.

'You left this morning.' He started.

'I didn't know if you were coming for me…' I replied as I went again on the beam. 'I walked it… don't worry.'

'You knew I was coming for you Martina. I always do.'

'NAHH… lie… It's not always Austin.' I replied as I did my back handspring layout layout, and landed it. 'It's not the first time that you didn't.' I continued as I took my place to do the trick another time.

I executed the move but fell on my last layout. Austin caught me immediately before hurting myself.

'Dammit…'

'Martina, you promised you were going to stop…'

'Stop what?' I replied as I went on the beam again.

'This… not eating…'

'Austin, I've told you to butt out. Everyone is convinced I'm fine. Why can't you accept it?' I replied as I executed it again and stuck my landing. 'See!'

'Because you're not fooling me.'

'I'm not fooling anyone Austin.' I replied as I did a back tuck on the beam and fell again.

'You're weak… you're already losing strength.'

'No Austin, you're distracting me. I need to focus… May I focus sir?' I replied back on edge as I went to the bars for rotation of apparatus.

Austin kept staring at me. I could feel his eyes piercing on my back. I placed the springboard, and went to chalk up… Sasha came beside me to spot me…

'Martina you don't need this move to medal.'

'But I need it to beat Genji Cho… and I want to beat her. She is the first one to master it, and I will be the second.'

'Although I admire your motivation for harder training I still feel that I should stop you from doing this…'

'Beals wants it perfect by next week.' I said as I faced him. 'Please Sasha, you have to help me.' I begged.

'Ok, but if I see that it's dangerous I'm stopping you.'

'Ok.'

I went few feet away for the spring board and took the run. I executed the round-off and followed the Arabian. I did it. It was finally how I wanted it to be. I continued to the high bar, and followed Geinger, and a Tkatchev. Did a straddle back to handstand and went back to the high bar. I followed three giants and dismounted with a Double flyaway.

'How was that Sasha?' I asked with a huge smile.

'That was amazing. You can take floor now.'

* * *

All the questioning was getting me tired. Maybe Austin was right… Maybe I shouldn't compete. Maybe I should stop… But I can't… There's something in telling me to keep moving forward. I keep running on the treadmill. My legs are burning, but I keep going. I can't stop now. It means everything to my parents. Dad said he's proud of the work I'm doing. It was the first time in my life that he said it. It gave me more motivation to work hard.

I looked in front where there was Genji's poster. I had to beat her. I have to prove myself I'm better than her. I have to defend my title as the National Champion. Beals agreed with increasing my DOD on bars like those of Genji's … Now I only have to do it better than her.

It was 10.30pm, and I had already run 10 more miles. I went on the scale, - 72 pounds - not that bad… can do a lot better. I recorded the results in my journal that was keeping with anything taken and results of my progress. I looked at the mirror. I wanted to see a champion, but all I saw was a gymnast who had to work harder.

I didn't know if Austin was still at home. I didn't hear him going out. So I went to my room, thinking that he was in the living room watching the highlights of last night's game. But I was wrong. As I entered my room, Austin was there…


	19. Chapter 19

'What are you doing in here?' I asked as I saw him with a box in his hands.

'What are these Martina?' He said starting his inquisition.

'Are you going through my things now Austin? I thought I told you to butt out.' I answered getting defensive.

'Martina, I won't ask you again. What are these?'

'Those… those aren't mine…'

'Strange, because these are the in box I've given you to keep your medals, but apparently it became a box for diet pills, three different brands of laxatives… you have meds to kill a horse!' He replied back while trying to block my way.

I went forward to take everything from his hands but he simply took them away.

'No, you're not having these back. I'm throwing them out myself.'

'Austin you have no right to go through my stuff. You have no right to tell me what to do. Your time of telling things ended the day you left this house and left me facing our parents alone. If it was for you they would have already divorced. You took the easy way out… you left Austin… You left me Austin.'

'I never left you little tuc…'

'I'm not your little tuc anymore Austin.'

'You will always be my little tuc, whether you like it or not… I'm your brother. It's my job to protect you and take care of you…'

'You don't anymore Austin… You promised you would call and visit every day and you didn't… you promised you'll always be here and you weren't…' I said with tears in my eyes while I slid down with my back to the wardrobe.

He came running to my side immediately and hugged me tight.

'Shhh… everything will be ok.'

'No Austin… you don't have to be my knight in shining armour. There's nothing wrong with me. I'm fine, I'm healthy. Please… stop fussing over things. I'm tired of this. Please just stop.

* * *

'No dad, you don't understand… She can't keep doing this.'

'If Tina wants to compete at the highest level, then she has to push her body to the limits.'

'No, Martina stopped pushing herself a long time ago. it's the disease, the anorexia, it's doing all the pushing now, and it won't stop, it will lie and deceive until every one of her organs shuts down and kills her.'

* * *

From the gym I could hear the talking, and decided to go up and see what it was about. I heard Austin saying the last words, and that brought my nerves up.

'What the hell are you doing here? Am I wrong or did I tell you to butt out?... For the third time?'

'Well, you know me. I was never good with rules, let alone with telling.' He simply replied with his serious yet mocking look.

'Do you think this is funny?'

'Dear, your brother is just concerned… That's all…' Mum replied.

'And what gives you the right to be worried or even concerned about me, and talking to our parents behind my back, Austin?' I continued whilst dad rested his back to the sofa.

'I'm your brother.'

'Stop playing the brother card Austin… This is getting old now.' I replied exasperated.

'I'm not playing any cards here Martina. I'm worried about you. You're losing too much weight. You're not in your upper game…'

'GO …' Dad cut him out.

'What?' Austin asked in surprise.

'Either go to your room or go to that apartment Austin.' Dad continued as he stood up and held me from my shoulders. 'This is not about being concerned on Martina… This is about you wanting to stay in the first place in this house. You don't want her to compete because you know she has the potential. This is sibling rivalry not something to help Martina.'

'Dad… can't you see it?'

'No Austin… All I see is a gymnast wanting to do everything to be a champion. She made it through the second cut. She has to work harder for the third cut… and you Austin aren't going to take this shot from your sister. She always supported you. You should show some respect.'

* * *

That night was one of the worst. I felt my heart aching. I love Austin. He didn't deserve that from dad. It was my entire fault. How could I do that to the only person that care for me? To the only person that I really love from my family? To my brother… same flesh and blood?

A knock on my door brought me out of my thoughts.

'Hey can I come in?' Austin asked.

'Yeah…' I replied quickly as I wiped my tears. 'Come in.'

'Hey what's wrong little tuc?'

'Nothing…' I replied…'I…um… I'm sorry for what happened before… I really am sorry.'

'Don't worry… Dad is just his way.' He replied as he sat beside me on the bed. 'But you should really stop this.' He continued as he took out the sandwich. 'I brought you a sandwich… you have to eat it…'

'I'm not hungry Austin.' I quickly replied as I got up from the bed.

'Come on, just one bite sis.'

'Please Austin! Stop… I'm not hungry… Even dad told you about this. Please I'm begging you to stop…'

'Ok, ok, just, come here and rest at least. You need to rest.'

I watched him while he waited, and then I did follow his guide. I went on the bed and he covered me with the sheets. He stood there hugging me as he used to do before he left. I felt a bit closer to him. He kissed my forehead slowly and played gently with hair.

'Everything will be ok little tuc… I promise…'


	20. Chapter 20

The days passed quickly… and from what seemed like a Tuesday, it was already Thursday. My parents kept their arguments on top. I couldn't take it anymore. Austin was nowhere to be seen, although he made his promise of never leaving my side. Guess they were only 'a spur of the moment promises'.

I went for the usual run. It was easier getting out of the house. My parents never noticed the time I got in or out. It was monotony. Dad shouting, mum retorting. Dad defensive, mum controlling. When was this going to end? I put my music to the maximum volume my iPod could take. I wanted to drown my voice and stop any thought that was coming from my mind. I wished so deeply to go to somewhere peaceful, to somewhere where only lake gurgling and pure air was present… somewhere where I could clear anything that happened.

After almost an hour running, I stopped at the benches were both Austin and I used to sit after a run. We used to talk and do some routines. He did some of my floor and I did some of his floor routines. Austin always made me laugh with his girly style. It was funny seeing him do the girly thing. But he never minded doing so. It was his favourite thing to do… making the ones around you smile and laugh.

All of a sudden, I was taken by surprise out of my thoughts.

'Damn, you scared me Austin.' I said as I jumped from the bench.

'Hey… relax… It's just me…' He replied as he helped me out. 'What are you doing here?'

'I… needed to get out of the house… am doing my morning run.' I replied as we took a seat like we used to do before.

'You need to gain your strength back Martina! This is no joke. You're getting weak… ti…'

'Austin… Please… Stop it! STOP…. IT…'

'No, I'm not going to stop. You need to listen and for once admit that there IS something wrong with you. I'm not going to stand by and letting you kill yourself slowly on my watch. That is NOT going to happen.'

'Austin, dad told you I'm fine… Beals is exhilarated with Genji's move, and even the committee are happy with it. Sasha is also convinced I'm fine…'

'Is he really convinced Martina?'

'Yes Austin. He is… And you should be too.' I replied as I got up from the bench. 'Look, I know you mean well, but I'm not your coach. I'm fine and nothing is wrong. So please stop worrying.' I replied back as I put in my earphones and started running back home to prepare for training.

* * *

As I went back home, they were still arguing. This time it was about how they were going to decide who I will be assigned to and how. Was I some kind of a toy to be decided in which hands of any kid was I to be owned? Is it that hard to decide on custody? Austin is an adult. He knows how to take care of himself. He practically does anything for himself. But what about me? Austin won't take me in… and I can understand him. But my parents fighting over custody this way, hurt me most.

* * *

As I entered the gym that morning, I found the air to be quite different. Everyone was talking to each other, and Sasha was nowhere yet to be seen. Not even to tell us 'Get back to Work'. I moved to where my teammates where, but they also seemed very shaken up.

'Hey… What's up?' I started.

'Didn't you hear?' Lauren started. 'Sasha was seen to be kissing Payson here.'

'What?' I exclaimed in horror while I looked at Payson.

'For the millionth time, he didn't kiss me, I kissed him and he pushed me away.' Payson replied. '…and now I think I ruined his career and ours as well.'

'But… I don't understand Payson.' Kaylie asked. 'Why did you kiss him?'

'It's complicated… I thought of him as Nicky Russo… and… I kissed him.'

'Don't worry Payson, everything will be cleared out.' Emily continued, as the NGO came from Sasha's office and Beals started talking.

'I should inform you that from now on, Sasha Belov is suspended as a coach until further notice.' Beals started.

'No, it can't be…' Kaylie started.

'It wasn't his fault Ms. Beals… I kissed him. He didn't.' Payson replied.

'Who will coach us now? Sasha is the best there is.' I replied.

'On consideration of the NGO and I, I will be your coach.' She proudly replied.

'_What?' All of us questioned, _while Sasha walked down the stairs.

The four of us followed him. We couldn't let him leave. Not now… not ever.

'Sasha, you cannot possibly leave!' Payson started.

'I'm sorry girls, but I have to… I have no power in all of this.' He replied. 'Now, I want you to go back and do anything the NGO wants you to… You have to eat, breath, and live gymnastics.' He continued.

'Why are they doing this Sasha?' I asked.

'It's politics Martina. In this sport, it's all politics and money.' He answered.

'Please Sasha don't go.' Kaylie pleaded.

'I have too… I will always be there for you… and I will always be here in this gym. Just spiritually. Now you go, and do what you've always been working hard for.' He continued. 'Emily, you have potential. Don't let anything break you down. Payson, you are an amazing gymnast. I have never seen anyone so motivated like you. Kaylie, keep working hard as always, and never give up. Martina, you've come so far. I believe you can do this. Just take care of yourself.'

'Sasha will we ever see you again?' Emily asked.

'I don't know… but I'm hoping I will be back soon. For now I want you to all follow the rules ok?'

We nodded at his request. We had to do it for him. We all became top gymnasts because of him. Sasha never let us down, and he won't ever let us down. All we had t do is give him that.


	21. Chapter 21

'Come on girls we don't have till tomorrow to get ready for nationals.' Beals shouted as she brought us out of our thoughts. 'Martina, I want to see your bar routine… Now please.' She stated.

I took of my track suit, and went to chalk up immediately, especially because I didn't want to stay in her shadow for that long. The image of her with my father brought me sick to my stomach. Austin heard what she said, and he wanted to intervene immediately.

'Ms Beals…'

'Coach Beals please.' She replied with pride.

'Coach Beals, you cannot let my sister do that move… It's way too dangerous and you can see in what state she's in.'

'Mr Tucker. You are her brother not her coach. If you want the best for your sister, you should let her routines in my hands. I only want the best for these gymnasts, and your sister deserves a shot. Don't walk in her way Mr Tucker.'

'Like you walked in bed with my father?' Austin challenged.

'Don't make me throw you out of the gym Austin. Don't push it.' She threatened as she moved towards the bars. 'When you're ready Martina.'

Austin remained there for support. He stood there beside the bar, just in case I fell. All gymnasts were looking at me. I could see my teammates holding tight hands together. They were anxious as I was. But that made me feel better. They cared.

I took a run towards the springboard, followed the round-off to an Arabian. I nailed it… and continued with the routine. I felt lighter. I felt going higher on every take-off I've taken. I've finally went to the last pass. Did three giants and landed with a double layout double back.

I saw my friends taking a deep breath as I landed and stuck the landing. I saw Beals looking pleased, and Austin relieved.

* * *

Kaylie and Payson decided to take the beam spotting each other. Beals was on edge. She kept bugging us, with any flaw we did. She wanted Emily to train and go for the routine with a hurt ankle… She wanted Kaylie to keep doing the same move over and over again, until it was perfect. Payson took bars and Beals continued pushing her over and over for the tkatchev, and she kept me on vault. I wasn't landing them every time and I was getting tired. Austin made it a must that he stood near me just in case anything happened.

On what seemed like my 19th vault attempt, I was getting light headed, and tired. I was cold but couldn't put anything on me. I shook everything off, and ran towards the vault table. Executed a nice round-off back handspring onto the vault, but my hands couldn't hold anymore. I slipped from the table… Austin noticed that that was going to happen, and he came rushing to hold me before I broke something.

'You ok?' He asked as he caught me before hitting my head.

'Yeah… I'm fine…' I replied as I pushed him trying to keep my equilibrium. 'I just slipped…'

'No you didn't. Your body is giving up.' He replied, until Beals cut us off.

'Am I coaching the Olympic team, or am I having a conference in my gym?'

'Beals, she just slipped, just give her a break!' Austin stood up for me.

'Austin, I won't say this again. Don't mess with the NGO.'

'Ellen, he's right… Give her a break.' Marty shouted as he entered the gym.

'What are you doing here Marty?' She replied as all the gym stood staring at them both.

'The NGO decided that I should be the coach for the national team.' Marty continued. 'As I may see, you are pushing these girls the wrong way. Martina Tucker almost broke her neck, Kaylie Cruz almost broke her leg, Payson Keeler almost sprained her back, and Emily Kmetko almost sprained her ankle. What are you trying to get at here Ellen?'

'In the Olympics, there won't be any 2nd chances. They will be training under high pressure. They need to get used to it now.'

'Ellen they're in training, not in the Olympics for now. Don't make me go to the NGO Ellen… DON'T.' Marty threatened. 'Training's over for today. I want you all tomorrow at 6am for training.' He continued.

I left the vault station and made my way to locker room. I got dressed quickly, and maybe manage to get a ride from Austin. Still had to do a lot of homework and studies and on top of it, had still a lot of conditioning to do.

* * *

'Did you see what just happened?' Kaylie asked as she came to the locker room.

'I can't believe it…' I replied.

'Marty's back…' Emily stated.

'Let's face it. He's not better than Sasha, but he's definitely better than Beals!' Payson replied as she took her duffle bag out. 'I prefer having my training in Marty's hands rather than her's.' She continued, until Lauren came in, with her fake smile.

'Hello teamies… This was such a busy day today!.' She started.

'Speak for yourself Lauren.' I replied.

'Yeah, the one that choked on beam is talking.' She replied. '… and by the way, if you lose few more pounds, you'll get the height Martina.'

'Shut up Lauren, for your information we work harder than you do.' Kaylie retorted.

'Yeah… and look where that's gotten you… one is choking, the other one is losing, you almost sprained your ankle, and let's not forget Payson, the one who kissed Sasha!'

'Shut up Lauren. You're just a pathetic lonely girl that believes she can make her way through anything.' Payson replied. '…but you're not making your way into either our lives or our team.' She finished as she headed out. 'I'll see you tomorrow guys.'

* * *

During the drive to home, Austin was concerned. He kept staring at me, which brought me on edge. I couldn't understand why he was being like this, until finally he talked.

'Did you eat today little tuc?'

'Um… Yes…' I replied shaky.

'Rice paper, lettuce and rice don't count as food… neither apple does.'

'I ate Austin. Can you drop it now please?'

'Listen… I was thinking… Maybe… do you want to move in with me? I asked Max if it's ok with him… and he said it's fine.' He asked.

'I… I don't know Austin… I have to ask my parents first. Remember I'm not 18… not to mention that they're both my managers.' I replied back… besides, I couldn't be under constant supervision of what I was eating, training, doing, or anything.

'We'll ask them… and we'll see…' He suggested. 'What do you think?'

'um… yeah… that sounds good to me…'


	22. Chapter 22

'Mum, all I'm saying is that she needs a better environment. You're stressing her out.

'No Austin, I'm not letting you take her away from me… besides I'm not leaving the house alone when both your father and I aren't here.'

'So it's ok leaving your daughter alone in the house, but the house itself?' Austin asked not believing what he just heard. 'What kind of disturbed thinking is that?'

'Look Austin, I'm not going to argue with you… As your father comes, ask him, and he'll decide.'

* * *

It was hurtful listening them argue about how things were to be done. I couldn't leave the house from what seemed like it. At least mum didn't agree with Austin's idea. They never knew where I was. So what's the problem on going to live with Austin?

I decided to drown myself into my music. I went running on the treadmill. I could feel like losing myself in anything I was doing. Just drowning all the shouting… drowning all the fighting and dispute. Was it that hard for my parents to stay in one room without fighting?'

* * *

'Dad, I'd like for Martina to come living with me. I've already asked her, and she likes the idea.' Austin dropped the bomb shell on dad's foot.

'You did what Austin?' Dad challenged. 'No way she's coming with you.' He continued. 'Like this I can keep an eye over her training. She will get lazy with you. If it wasn't for me she wouldn't be where she is.'

'Dad, she trains hard, and she studies, you don't make her train nor study.' Austin stated as he took another bite from his baguette.

'Whatever. Austin the answer is no, she's staying here.' Dad replied, as he took out some papers.

* * *

It seemed that dad arrived from work. The shouting started again, and although Austin tried controlling the situation, it still got out of hand. I could see it on Austin's face that he was getting annoyed with our parent's behaviour. It was like talking to toddlers. Austin was losing it and ended up shouting with them.

I needed some water, and although I wanted to avoid everything to where my parents were, I still made my way to the kitchen.

* * *

'Why don't we really ask Martina wants to do?' Dad started. 'Martina, do you want to go and live with Austin?' He asked as he caught me off guard.

'I… um…'

'Remember one thing Martina, if you go out that door, you can forgot you have me as a father, you can forget me as your manager and as your financial support.' He stated.

'That's unfair dad! You're making conditions which you know she can't refuse. She knows she can't do it if she moves out of here.'

'Exactly… she has nothing as yet… no career, no money, NOTHING… NADA… ZILCH…' Dad continued as he moved for his scotch. 'That is why she has to stay here.'

'Mum, are you agreeing with dad?' Austin asked on his last nerve.

'Yes… I have to say… We are managing her life… We give her anything… If it wasn't for us she wouldn't be where she is. I'm afraid the answer has to be a no…'

'Ok… what if she comes for a sleep over every now and then?' Austin suggested. 'Like that we'll both win.'

'I'm not a frikkin toy. You cannot just decide on me as a compromise.' I finally interjected. 'Do you realise how much this hurts? Nobody wants me yet nobody wants to leave me. Decide what you want! I'm tired of this.'

'We're only trying to do what's best for you honey!' Mum said.

'Don't talk to us like that Martina… You're an ungrateful human being. We do anything for you and this is how you talk to us?' Dad angrily said. 'If that is how you feel, than leave with Austin, but don't ever come back, and don't look back… I won't be anything to you.'

Dad's words stung worse than a cluster of bees. Was a dad supposed to be like that? Was a dad supposed to be that cold blooded and hearted? I couldn't understand. What did I do wrong to deserve that?

'I'm sorry… I… I'll stay… I'll work harder dad.' I replied.

'You see Austin… she wants to stay here.' Dad replied as I went back down to the gym with tears in my eyes.

'No she doesn't… you broke her… how can she say that she wants to leave when you just said that.' Austin angrily said.

'Look, if you want to stay with your sister, she can come for a sleep over, or you can come back here if you want.' Mum suggested. '…but she's not coming with you.'

'Fine, then I'll move back for a couple of days…' Austin replied as he made his way out.


	23. Chapter 23

After a night with everything happening, I decided to go to my room early. Austin was going to spend some days back with us. I finally could see some light again. Maybe because of Austin, they wouldn't fight that much. Maybe he can control the situation. Maybe he can make them see the light… Maybe he can stop them. Maybe… I don't know… I only wish that my family is what it once used to be. Simply loving, considerate, caring…

A knock on my door brought me out of my thoughts.

'Dear, you have the laundry basket to fold.' Mum said as she came in putting everything on my bed.

'Sure mum.' I replied as I went to do the job quickly, while she made her way out. 'Um… Mum?'

'Yes dear?'

'Are you and dad… ever going to be together again?' I asked hastily, while she came back beside me.

'I don't know dear. Probably not… We don't love each other anymore dear.'

'But you got married, you have two kids… That has to mean something!' I insisted.

'Martina, sometimes things happen… and this is one of them.' Mum replied as she got up and made her way to the door. '…Martina, don't ever ask me anything about this. It's your father's fault that our family is ruined.'

I felt my heart rip out. How could my parents think that? Love is endless… they promised to love each other 'for better or for worse, for richer and for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do them part.' Was it only a spur of the moment vow?

I couldn't take it any longer, so I decided to call the one person I never thought I would have called.

* * *

We decided to meet at where we used to meet before anything happened between us. He stopped his car and I seated myself in the passenger seat.

'Hey… you ok?' Isaac asked.

'Um… yeah… well… no… my parents are divorcing, dad slept with Beals, Austin moved out and he's moving back in for a couple of days, Sasha left...'

'Hey… you know I'm here for you!... I'm sorry I slept with Lauren.'

'Yeah…' I replied as we looked into each other's eyes.

I felt a pull towards him. I still loved him. He means everything to me. My true love. My first love. I still had chemistry with him. I could still feel the pull harder and stronger. In a split second, I found my lips over his and his over mine. We kissed deeply, and I went straddling on top of him.

Things were starting to heat up, but he stopped… I tried continuing again, but he stopped again.

'Martina, Martina, stop…' He said

'What Isaac? Don't you want to make love to me?' I asked.

'Not like this! I want too but not this way… You are hurt, angry, and you're doing this out of revenge.'

'So it's ok to have sex with Lauren but not with me? What is wrong with me? Why can't you have sex with me?' I asked.

'Because I love you, and I know that if I give you this, you will regret it. Lauren was a one night stand, and with you, I want it something special.'

At that I got off him, and took my seat back at the passenger seat. He couldn't… or better yet wouldn't give me what I wanted.

'Why does everyone has to have everything they want… and I can't? I asked him.

'It's not the right time Martina. You will regret it!' He replied again 'Do you want to go somewhere?' He asked me…

'Yeah…' I said as I dried my tears. 'Can you drive me home please?'

'Sure.' He replied.

* * *

Having Austin spending the night at home was no difference in my parent's arguments. I thought they would at least stop a bit… or at least control their mouth. I didn't need an alarm anymore each morning, because they timed their arguments, so it was easy to wake up. Although tiring of hearing them never stopping.

As I got up from bed, I went straight to the shower. Austin was already done, so I was glad he did… as I could use as much hot water as I wanted. It was fun like that. As I was ready from my shower, I went on the scale. I was doing better! 71 pounds.

'_Few more pounds and I'll be perfect_.' I thought to myself.

I got dressed and went back to my room. However, it wasn't long till I had company.

'Hey little tuc!' Austin greeted.

'Hey…' I replied while yawning. 'You look amazingly energized this morning!'

'I had one of the best sleep ever!' He replied

'Did you manage to sleep with all that shouting?' I asked questioningly.

'That's why ear plugs have been invented over the years sis.' He replied as he made himself comfortable on my bed. 'Ohh, and what's that box on your chair?' He asked

'What box Austin?' I asked surprised.

'That…' He replied as he motioned to the box by the door.

'That's not mine!' I replied

'There is your name on it. Go on… Open it!' He pushed.

I complied and went towards the box. On the tag there was written 'To little tuc, on your 17th birthday… From Austin'. I smiled at the thought.

'You remembered?' I asked as I went to sit beside him with the box in my hand.

'Of course I did! Come on… open it!' He urged.

I opened it, and the most beautiful leotard was there. It was a light pink with white and black circled stripes. It was one of the line of leotards from GK.

'Wow Austin! This must have cost you a fortune!' I asked in disbelief.

'Don't worry about the money! They come and go. You are a champion! You deserve to look like one.' He replied as he shuffled my hair. 'Do you like it?'

'No I don't Austin… I love it!' I replied as I hugged the leo, and then hugged Austin. 'Thank you thank you thank you Austin!'

'Go on, put it on...' He urged me.

I did as I was told, and it fit amazing. I loved the line, the cut, the colours… Everything. It was an amazing leotard.

'How do I look?' I asked

'Exactly as a champion little tuc.' Austin replied as he took my duffle bag… 'Now let's get going, because we're going to be late!'


	24. Chapter 24

I couldn't believe that Austin remembered my birthday. From everything that happened these last few months, I expected that stress got up to him, and he'll forget as well. But that's not Austin… Austin keeps everyone in check in his life and that meant a lot to me that he didn't take me for granted.

As we arrived at the gym, I went to meet my friends at the locker room. Everybody was getting ready, and as the other national gymnasts got out, Payson, Kaylie and Emily came to hug me.

'Happy Birthday Martina!' Payson started. 'Now you're older than me… again.' She stated

I laughed it off… 'Payson, you'll soon be 17, in 2 months.' I replied.

'Anyways. Now that you're 17, we thought on giving you something, that we're sure you need it.' Kaylie stated. 'Tonight, after training, you're coming shopping with us. You have this $250 dollar voucher, and you missy, are going to buy a nice flattering dress for sure. We've already asked Austin to drive us as well.'

'And that is mandatory.' Emily stated. 'With the rest, we can go and shop for shoes and more clothing.'

'But… this is a lot of money!' I replied questioning.

'It's not! We all have our own sponsorship money. We afford it.' Payson replied. '…and you deserve a good treat.'

'Thanks guys! I cannot thank you enough for this!'

'You've always been there for us.' Kaylie said.

'It's the least we can do for you.' Emily continued.

'Girls, we're starting conditioning in 5…' Marty came to notify us. It was a sign that we had to leave celebrations for later.

We all went to conditioning. We found that relaxing out of all the training, because although it was tiring, we could stretch and let our muscles feel the need of extension. We went to handstand walking, and we raced each other. As usual, Payson won. She has the best upper body strength any gymnast can ask for. She has such grace when performing anything. She always inspired us and I'm glad she is the team captain. Everybody is.

After conditioning we all went to our usual training. I felt very tired, but I thought it was because of the lack of sleep, which I was having. My parents kept arguing till 1am. They never got tired.

I shrugged off my tiredness and went for each and every routine. I worked harder on the round-off Arabian and although at times I was failing, I still never gave up.

10 hours training passed in an instant. At one point it was 6am at the other, it was 16 pm. Marty congratulated us all on our training, and he gave us a paper each on what we should improve. On my paper I had to improve my round-off Arabian and tkatchev on bars, and back handspring layout layout on beam. I was glad that I didn't have that much to work on. At least I only had to improve on two things.

On the other hand, Payson only had to keep her hands closer to her ear and square her hips on beam. Else she has everything perfect. Kaylie needed to concentrate more on being a powerful gymnast than being girly, which is mainly everything she ever worked on. Emily had to increase here DOD on both beam and vault, but she's one of the best, so I'm sure she can do anything you set her too.

* * *

Back at the locker room, all of us were quickly changing. I put on my black and pink track suit, and let down my curly hair.

'I can't believe Marty wants to take away my girly style.' Kaylie argued.

'You're a power gymnast Kaylie.' Payson replied as she put on her shoes. 'You need to show that to the judges.'

'I know… But it's hard. For you Payson, it's easy.'

'You know…' Emily continued. 'Remember a memory that you enjoy and it will make you both powerful and girly. After all Marty said that you need to be a bit more powerful not to take your girly signature completely.'

'What about you Martina?' Payson asked, while I was lost in my thoughts. They all looked at each other, while Kaylie shot her towel to grab my attention, and I must say, she so did.

'Back to earth Martina Tucker.' Kaylie answered with a smile.

'Sorry guys… you were saying?'

'Somebody was lost in thoughts.' Kaylie teased.

'Yeah… um… are you guys up for a secret?' I asked

'You know you can tell us anything!' Payson replied.

'Ok, last night I met Isaac.'

'What? Isaac? The one who cheated on you?' Kaylie asked surprised.

'Yeah…' I continued as I set near Emily

'Are you nuts Martina? Do you remember how broken hearted you were after him?' Payson asked

'Yeah… I think I am… I just needed to talk to him.'

'…and?' Emily continued.

'He said that he wants something serious with me. Something with love.'

'Don't believe him.' Kaylie stated

'Cheated ones, cheats always.' Payson replied. 'You know how that ought to feel, you know… your parents are going through a same, similar situation.'

'I know… but… I needed to know.'

'What are you going to do now?' Emily asked.

'I don't know… but I still love him…'

'There are plenty of guys out there who are dying to date you… don't go back to someone that threw you away after the first fight.' Kaylie stated.

'You deserve better than that.' Payson said.

* * *

Austin drove us to the mall, and as girls, we got a bit excited on having some of what seemed 'normal' to teenagers, time. We started from the petite dress shop, and everybody started choosing dresses. I was out of my comfort zone in big store as that. Kaylie chose 3 dresses, and Payson and Emily went for 2 dresses each. I loved one fit and flare dress, and I was hoping none of my friends saw it. They would have made me try it on immediately, but it was to no avail, because Kaylie caught me with it.

'You have to try that on!' she insisted.

'I don't know!... I don't think it will flatter me.' I disagreed with her, while Payson overheard us.

'You have to try it on. If it doesn't flatter you, we'll look for another one.' Payson agreed, while Emily and Kaylie pushed me to the dressing rooms with the dress in my hand.

I tried it on immediately. I loved the cut, I loved its simplicity. It was black spaghetti straps, heart shaped, fit and flare dress. I looked at the mirror, but all I saw was a fat girl. Could that possibly flatter me?

'Come on!' Kaylie said. 'How long is it going to take you to get on a dress?'

'um… It doesn't look that good…' I said. 'I'm taking it off.'

'NO, NO, you have to show it to us.' Emily relied, while Payson went into the dressing room.

'I'll drag her out.' Payson said and she so did.

All of them were speechless. Was it really that bad?

'um… so? What's the verdict?'

'It's perfect! You're a size 0 Martina! It fits you amazing!'

'You need to gain some weight.' Emily replied. 'But it fits you amazing.'

'You have to buy this…' Payson added.

'Ok, ok, I'll buy it! I like this dress in all honesty.' I replied back.

* * *

After almost 3 hours in a shopping spree, we all headed home. I had such amazing friends. They cared. They are like the sisters I never had. They're amazing. During the drive, Austin had to listen to all the girly stuff, but he's not like certain brothers, he simply laughed it off, and sometimes made fun of things. He drove them all home, and we finally headed home.

As we entered home, the air was different. Mum and dad for once weren't arguing. Did something happen while we were out?

'What took you so long today?' Dad asked.

'Um… I went shopping with my friends, and I bought a dress and some new clothes.' I answered them back, as I took out my new dress, to show it to my mum.

'It's lovely darling. But it's black.' Mum stated.

'Um… I thought it would be more elegant mum.'

'Well, I know… but you know how I feel about black. It's a primary colour. I would have gone for wine or purple. But not black. But that's me.'

'Um… do you want me to change it?' I replied as I took it back in. 'I still have the receipt… if you want we can go and change it to something that you like.'

'Dear if you wanted to do that, you would have told me immediately to come shopping with you. But your friends' opinions seem to be more important than mine.' She replied coldly, while Austin shot her a cold look.

'Anyways, today is an important day.' She continued.

'_Did my parents remember my birthday?'_ I thought to myself as I smiled, and I think so did Austin, because he also smiled.

'Your father has something to tell you.'

'What is it dad?' As both Austin and I took a seat.

'Well, today, I've closed a very important contract, and I'll be having triple the income that we used to have.'

'That's great dad!' I replied.

'… and's there's something else.' He continued.

'_Could this be really happening?' _I thought again.

'Kobalt's third line, wants you Austin.' Dad stated as he shook hands with Austin. 'You make me so proud Austin.'

At that I could feel tears coming out of my eyes. I was happy for Austin, because he's my brother, and he did everything for me. But they're my parents. Today 17th years ago, my parents had me… and they don't even remember.

'Are you alright dear?' Mum asked.

'Ye…Yes… mum…' I replied as I got out of my chair, and took my bags. 'I'm going to my room.'

'Aren't you going to congratulate your brother Martina?' Dad asked.

I went and hugged Austin, and with a weak smile I congratulated him. He felt me shaking, and he held me strong, but then I left immediately.

'What was that all about?' Dad asked as he took a sip from his scotch.

'Don't you guys remember?' Austin asked them disgusted.

'Remember what dear?' Mum asked.

'Mum, it's Tina's birthday today!' Austin replied, while he saw their questioned looks. 'You totally forgot… Haven't you?'

'It's only a birthday Austin.' Dad stated.

'Only a birthday?' Austin unbelievably asked. 'How can you say that? And you mum! 17th years ago you had a child. How can you forget that?'

'Austin, we have a lot on our minds right now. I'm sure she'll understand.' Mum said as she pulled the lasagne out of the oven.

'She'll understand my ass mum…' Austin replied angrily as he made his way up to my room.


	25. Chapter 25

I closed and locked the door behind me in an instant. I felt my heart breaking at my parents' words. How could they do this to me? Am I a monster? Am I even their kid? Sometimes I wonder if I'm their flesh and blood. Sometimes I wonder if all parents are like that. Sometimes I think about ending everything in an instant. Everybody would be better off without me. I'm tired. It's not about them forgetting my birthday, because it's now normal of them forgetting things… but it's mostly about how they acted on it. They acted up as if it was nothing.

Austin knocked on my door and tried to open it. 'Martina, are you ok?' He asked as he tried opening the door again.

'Go away Austin, I don't want to talk.' I sobbingly replied.

'Come on, open up little tuc.' He urged again. 'We need to talk.'

'No we don't Austin. There is nothing to talk about. Just please… leave me alone!' I said again as I chocked myself into the pillow.

'Please little tuc. I only want to talk to you. Please open up.' He said urgently.

He wasn't going to leave me alone. He wasn't going to leave anytime soon, so I decided to let him. I quickly composed myself, and opened the door.

'Are you ok Martina?' He asked as he followed inside.

'Yeah… I'm fine…' I replied as I sat on my bed.

'You don't have to keep the tough persona… you can show me the real you.' Austin said as he hugged me and pulled me to his chest.

'Austin I'm tired.'

'I know little tuc… I know…'

'No you don't Austin!' I replied as I pushed him. 'Even grandma remembered my birthday, and she sent me a card and $30… and she doesn't live with us. My friends made the best of my day, and they don't live with me. You're my brother, and still remembered, although you have a lot of stress… But they? They hate me. I hate me… I'm tired Austin… I can't take this.' I said between sobs.

'Hey… I'm always here for you little tuc. I'll never leave your side…'

'Austin, don't make promises you can't keep. You left me once after you said you'll always be here, and you moved for a couple of days, so no you, you are not going to be here. You are going to leave like everybody else does.'

'Not this time. I told Max to hold my room, true, but for now, I'm staying here Martina… I have to be here for you. You need me more than ever now.' He stated.

'You see… you 'have' to be here!... You don't want to be here Austin. It's another thing that you have to do for me… and I'm tired of this. I want this all to stop… it would be better if I didn't exist. Everything will end… all the pain… all the…'

'What are you saying Martina?'

'You know what I mean Austin… I'm tired… I wish all of this to end. I want all of this to end.'

'Martina, listen to me. You are going to be fine! I want to be with my sister. You are the best thing that ever happened to this family. I wouldn't cope with them if I were alone. But I have you to hold on too. You are my only family I have left. Don't leave me.' Austin replied as he took my face between his hands.

I went forward to hug him, and broke down in his arms. He was my only life support now. If he left, then everything would crumble. He kept talking soothing words to my ears. I wanted to believe anything that he said, but it was hard.

He lifted me off and carried me to bed. He stood there beside me, while exhaustion took over and I slept. He took off my sneakers and my tracksuit, and covered me with covers. He played with my hair, and it made him tear up a bit at the state I was. He never saw my ribs, or my spine. I never let anyone see it. I usually covered it immediately, but at that moment I couldn't and he had just realised how bad things had become. He made a promise to himself that he won't lose me.

* * *

The following morning I woke up early, and had just realised what might have happened. I went to take an early shower, and got ready for when Austin makes the call to leave, however before that, there was one important thing he had to do.

'Hey little tuc.' He said as I entered the kitchen and made myself a glass of water. 'I just made you breakfast.' He said as he put the ham and cheese sandwich on the table.

'Um… I'm not hungry…' I replied as I grabbed myself a second glass.

'Come on, you can't honestly not be hungry. You didn't have dinner last night, and you skipped breakfast yesterday as well.'

'I really am not hungry Austin. I promise if I do get hungry, I'll eat it.'

'No you won't. You never do.' Austin said as he blocked my way. 'You are going to eat, and then we'll leave for training. Am I clear?'

I never saw Austin that way. There had to be something that ticked him off. I decided to oblige… but there had to be another way how to get rid of it.

I seated myself near Austin, and dug in slowly. At times, while Austin was eating, or turned his head, I managed to hide some pieces in my sleeve. Sometimes I chewed and spit it back in the tissue, and hid it from Austin. After almost half an hour, we were both ready, but I had one last thing to do, from the few bites I've taken.

'Um… can you clear these up please? I need to go to the bathroom.' I asked him politely.

'Yeah sure. Don't take long little tuc.' He replied as I made my way up the stairs. 'Ohh, and I'm proud of you sis.' He replied with a genuine smile. With an Austin's smile.

I quickly made my way to the bathroom, and switched on the tap of water. I took up the toilet seat and shoved my fingers down my throat. I could feel all the pieces that I've eaten coming up. After few minutes, I was all done. By time, purging became quite easy.

I rinsed my mouth, but one thing I never expected to happen, had just happened. The sink was covered in drops of blood. I panicked a bit, but I kept my composure. I cleaned everything quick, and made my way downstairs again.

'You ready little tuc?' Austin asked as he took my duffle bag.

'Yepps.' I replied as I smiled.

'Off we go then.'


	26. Chapter 26

Austin seemed in a better mood that morning. I thought he was suspecting something. He couldn't know about anything. I had to pay more attention. I had to lose couple more pounds. Besides, the more I lose, the higher I can jump, the lighter and flawless my moves will be. Everything will be all better. My parents… especially dad will be happy… My mother won't be ashamed of saying that she has me as a daughter. I would be perfect for everybody.

I kept sipping water. My throat was burning. It felt like it was scratched. Last time I did that it was because my friends went and got a pizza take-away and I couldn't escape it. I remember that all I needed was some salt water, and hot water. It got all better after that.

I felt my heart wanting to escape from my chest. It was beating like hell. I tried calming myself down, so I decided to take a nap during the drive to the gym. At least I can rest, and avoid Austin's questioning looks. Although he was satisfied with breakfast, he still had his doubts. Guess his coach did really affect him.

* * *

At the gym everybody was working like a soldier. We trained harder and harder. Marty had to push us to the limit. I could feel myself lighter. The moves became automatic. To all of us they were. We had to push ourselves regarding all the pains and aches.

'I wish Sasha is still here!' I said as I went to lie down beside Kaylie and rested a bit.

'I wish that too!' Payson replied, while Kaylie got up.

'You know, we can simply go and find Sasha and ask him to come back and train us. Marty is his best friend, he will let him be here.' Kaylie stated.

'From what I've heard, Sasha had suggested for Marty to come out of retirement.' Emily continued.

I sat up immediately at that, along with Payson.

'We should go talk to him tonight.' Payson said. 'Who's in?'

We all nodded at the idea. I wanted Sasha back more than ever. Everybody did! We missed him. The gym didn't remain as it was since he left… was forced to leave.

* * *

We let in Marty on the idea, and he agreed to involve Sasha in everything, so he decided to come with us. He offered to drive us as well. It was in our favour, that Marty wanted to help in this situation.

We knocked frantically on Sasha's door, and after a while, it opened.

'Hi… What are you doing here?' He asked us with surprise.

'Can we come in Sasha?' Payson asked.

'Yeah… sure.' He replied. 'Welcome to the Belov house.' He continued as he gave Marty a questioning look.

'Don't look at me Sasha, they wanted to come, and I couldn't say no.' He replied while Sasha remained staring at him. 'Kim Keeler and Alex Cruz didn't leave me any choice but to spill.' He replied defensively as Sasha moved his eyes towards us.

'How have you been girls?' Sasha said as he motioned us to his living room and we all sat down.

'Not that good…' Payson replied.

'It's not that Marty hasn't been doing a great job, but he will never take your place Sasha!' Kaylie continued.

'Please Sasha, you have to come back!' Emily added.

'… and Marty likes the idea that you come back to coach us.' I said.

'I don't know. The NGO suspended me.'

'Since when do you play by the rules Sasha?' Payson asked.

'Since I've seen at what danger I could have put you girls. You could have lost your spot on the national team because of me.' He said again. 'I can't risk that.'

'Sasha the girls are right! You are innocent of the faults you were accused.' Marty continued. 'You must come back… besides I need some help with all the girls. You know them better than I do.'

'I'll think about it Marty. I can't make a rush decision. This is a big decision to take. '

'What is there to think Sasha?' I asked exasperated.

'We want you back… ' Payson continued.

'Everybody does.' Emily added.

'The gym hasn't been the same since you left.' Kaylie finished.

'Girls, with every decision that you take, everyone will be affected in one way or another. I have to make sure that I won't jeopardize your chances to the Olympics. You have all been working so hard. You cannot throw everything now.' Sasha explained himself.

Those words meant a lot to us. Sasha always knew how to pass a subliminal message without making it obvious. All of our decisions don't only affect us, but the ones around us as well. We were becoming the future generation and we had to learn more. We were all wrapped up in our things. We were all wrapped up in our training… but after nationals, worlds, Olympics…. What was going to happen? We never talked in that future.

Mine was already settled. I had to continue school and go to college. I never quite thought what I wanted in life. It was already laid out for me before I was even born. Guess it was better like that. I didn't have to decide anything...

Sasha, saw us all wrapped up in our thoughts. He made his job again as a coach. Our faithful loyal coach. He smiled at us… until finally he talked again.

'How are they doing in training?' He asked Marty.

'All of them are improving. Payson has got in touch with her inner self. Kaylie is putting a lot of power moves, Emily increased her DOD in both beam and vault and Martina landed her triple back on bars, back handspring layout layout, round-off double Arabian on floor and she's polishing her round-off Arabian on bars.'

'It seems that all of you are improving.' He stated.

'But it's all thanks to you Sasha!' Kaylie replied.

'We made a promise to you the day you left.' Emily continued.

'… and we are honouring our promise.' I added.

'… and it's because of you that we're all here.' Payson finished.

After few hours of talking, we had to head back. All of us were dead tired, and we still had plenty to do back at home. All of us had to at least get 10 hours sleep every night, study for our exams and do some conditioning.

Marty sent us all to his car while he took some minutes to see what Sasha wanted to tell him in private. Everybody noticed the look on his face. There was something bothering him.

'What is it Sasha?' Marty started.

'The girls… They all seem different.' Sasha answered. 'Kaylie seems to be too pushing. Payson… let's face it… she doesn't know when to stop… and look where it got her months ago… she broke her back. Emily's wrist is acting up again. I noticed her rubbing it continuously… and let's not forget Martina. I've never seen her like this. She's tired, exhausted. She looks grey. Dark circles under her eyes, and she looks like she lost a lot more weight since the last I've seen her.'

'I know Sasha. Ellen had been pushing them too hard, and everybody was avoiding her. Especially Martina… She did whatever she was asked whether she knew she could do it or not. Austin had to stand up for her.' He replied.

'What do you mean?' Sasha asked as he crossed is arms.

'Ok… but before I tell you, you have to keep your calm.' He replied again, while Sasha gave him his inquiry look. 'The Tucker's father had an affair with Beals. Since then… I don't know what happened, but from what Austin told me, they are having some family crisis.'

Sasha sat down opposite to Marty. He was astounded about the news. He couldn't believe that neither my dad nor Beals could go that low.

'And now?'

'Now? I don't know… Austin is constantly watching Martina as a hawk…'

'What about the others?'

'The others who?'

'Payson, Kaylie and Emily… do they know?'

'Yes… they have only been but supportive. Lauren on the other hand… Apparently her father discovered about this affair.'

'… and he's using the information to either blackmail or threaten Ellen to keep his daughter on the team.'

'I don't know about that. I don't think that Tanner is that cheap.'

'In this sport, it's all politics Marty. You cannot for one second trust the wrong person.' Sasha replied.

'I should get the girls home Sasha.' Marty replied as he made his way to the door. 'Please, consider the offer. You can come back and take only the 4 members that want you back.'

'I'll think about it Marty. One thing… take care of my team Marty… I'm holding you responsible if anything happens to them.'


	27. Chapter 27

That night I couldn't stop thinking about if Sasha would be coming back or not. We would be better gymnasts if he came back. I've never been trained by anyone except him… and I was one of the lucky girls.

I continued running on the treadmill while I let my mind wonder about what was to happen. I couldn't stop thinking. My mind was full of thoughts. My parents were fighting again. I didn't feel like taking notice on what it was about. I heard Austin trying to calm the situation down… but it was to no avail.

I grabbed my iPod and maximized the volume to Gareth Dunlop's music. His music is relaxing… I could feel my mind ease from all the continuous thoughts. How could one brain take all of those? How does a person keep strong after anything that he went through?

The brain always mesmerized me. I could never understand the depths of thoughts… of likings… of how one person formulated his decisions… about how a person formed his perspective on things… about how we classified things right from wrong… about how we fall in love with only one person that means everything to us… about how we take everything on board and face everything.

We are simple humans… and yet… we are continuous soldiers… fighting against current… choosing right from wrong… Stay faithful to the ones we love… forgive and forget… lean onto others for support … TRUST… The big 5 letter word, that means everything to all of us, and yet, when we're betrayed we feel like we lost everything… We lost ourselves… Trust in society… family… Have we become this alien, that we don't know how to communicate… how to sincerely love… how to trust?

Those thoughts kept raging in my mind. I felt betrayed from my family. They are supposed to give the example on which I should walk on. The example that I should adore… How am I supposed to have a relationship and not having the constant fear that we may part? Isaac cheated on me… and although I forgave him, I still don't want anything to do with him. Bitten once, bitten always. Guess the saying does go well after all.

I remembered my parents as being the 'IT' couple. We used to crash in the living room during nights like these, and watch movies… or even just playing card games. I remember playing hide and seek with Austin. Dad always tickled me when he found me, and although I pleaded him to stop, he still continued, and then mum and Austin joined in.

We used to have nice family dinners, were we could only talk about anything. No fighting… just talk. We used to be a proper family filled with love, trust and faith. What happened to that? This just seems such a different life. I feel like all the life had been sucked out of me. Like all the joy had evaporated and ended. Like I never had a family. All they do now is fight, argue, and retort tough words towards each other. It's like they had never lived in a civilized world. They have become enemies.

That thought brought tears in my eyes, and I only ran harder at that thought. I wanted to run from everything that was happening in my life. I wanted to run and never look back. I wanted to stop the feeling of being hurt… of being worthless… but I couldn't… because that is what I am… WORTHLESS.

It was Austin that brought me out of my thoughts, as he came and took my earphones out of my ear. He laughed at the reaction I did.

'Geez! Do you want to give me a heart attack?' I said as I stopped the treadmill.

'No! But it was worth seeing you jump like that. It's like you had seen a ghost!' He mocked.

'Ha ha… not funny Austin.' I replied as I took a sip from my water. 'It's quiet… where are mum and dad?'

'They went out little tuc… and you're right… I'm sorry… but I called you twice and you didn't answer back.' He stated as he moved a lock of my hair behind my ear.

'Sorry, I was lost in thoughts…'

'Want to share?'

'Not really… Anyways… what do you need?'

'You to come up and eat something little tuc.' He simply replied. At that I got scared. An Austin dinner… that meant constant watch. I covered my reaction immediately, and replied the best way I could.

'um… I'm not hungry… I ate earlier as I got home.'

'Come on… some salad won't kill you. Besides… you love salads!' He stated while he held me from my shoulders.

'What is it with you and food Austin?' I replied, as he finally hit my last nerve.

'Martina, you need to eat.' He simply replied as he crossed his arms.

'No I don't, and you won't make me.' I replied as I turned making my way back to the treadmill, but that was for no use, as Austin grabbed me and lifted me off easily.

'Dammit! You are not going to exercise again. You've been in that gym for 9 hours and now you're training… again!'

'PUT ME DOWN AUSTIN!' I shouted as he took me to the kitchen.

'Here… now place yourself in a chair and you are going to eat.'

'I'm not hungry Austin. Please...'

'I'm sorry Martina… but I can't let you do this. You are hurting yourself… and you are hurting me… you need to get better.' He replied.

'I'm fine Austin. I promise I am.' I replied with tears in my eyes.

'Please… just… just eat.' He said in a desperate tone as he looked deeply into my eyes.

I finally nodded and decided to eat… but there had to be a way how to get rid of everything. I had already planned it in my mind. I only had to make it better.


	28. Chapter 28

He tricked me… It wasn't a salad… it was spaghetti with cream sauce… It used to be my favourite before… but now… I could feel Austin's eyes piercing through me… noticing every move I made… making sure that the fork touches my lips and back to my plate. He was becoming obsessed about this. I couldn't make it all better if he was forcing me to do things. It was a ritual… Getting the fork close to my mouth and placing it back on the plate. I was all nervous, and he could notice. At one point he held me from my shoulders for support. He kept saying that he understands that it is hard… but in reality, nobody could understand it. He doesn't have to face anyone… he doesn't have to prove himself worthy. He is his own person… unlike me… I have to continuously prove that I deserve a shot… that I deserve to belong in a team… that I deserve to have proud parents. But that doesn't mean anything…

After almost an hour struggling to eat everything, I was feeling like crying. I was feeling defeated by a plate of spaghetti… I was defeated by my own self. I started to tear up, and although Austin tried to comfort me, it was to no avail. I decided to retreat early… however before I had to do something.

* * *

It had been almost an hour and half that I had been in the bathroom. I felt like I was throwing up my guts. I felt exhausted… weak… dizzy… and most of all… pain. I swallowed 5 laxatives that Austin didn't know I had, and went to take a bath. I almost slept in there. The warm water, the soapy feeling… it all made me relax… It was Austin that brought me out of my thoughts, as he knocked the bathroom door.

'Martina are you ok in there?'

'Yeah… I'm soon done… I slept in the bath… Don't worry.'

'Oh… ok…' He replied confused. He couldn't quite swallow it that I spent all that time sleeping in the bath. 'I hope you didn't use all the hot water.' He teased back.

'If I did, I'd laugh.' I replied back trying to make it seem like nothing.

'Yeah… cos it's a great feeling seeing your brother like that!'

'Yes it is.' I replied back as I got up from the bath. 'I'm soon ready.'

'Ok… I'll be in the living room.'

* * *

I was glad that he didn't hear anything. He would have been out of his mind if he knew. I had to do this very subtle. I went over the scale. It marked 70 pounds. I had to lose few more pounds. It's never enough.

I quickly got dressed into my pj's and made sure that everything was clean. I sprayed air freshener all over, just to make sure that any smell was covered. I hid back my laxatives behind mum's boxes. Nobody ever moved that. It was just an extra case to which we can hide stuff. Little I knew that it wasn't only me that knew the trick.

'Hey… welcome back to humanity.' Austin greeted me as he pulled me beside me.

'Hey…' I replied as I pulled the duvet over me. 'What are you watching?'

'Yesterday's game.' He simply replied. '… but as I'm back from the shower we can watch a comedy together if you want?'

'Yeah… that sounds cool.' I replied with a weak smile.

'I won't take long. I'm not a girl.' He replied with a teasing voice as he moved away. At that I threw him a pillow playfully.

'I'll ask mum so that in the next life you'll be a girl.'

'NOT. A. CHANCE.!' He smiled as he made his way up.

* * *

I finally had some time alone. It was lacking a bit these days. That night Austin was moving back to his place for a day or two. Although he was becoming annoying, I still missed him like hell. He promised he won't leave… but doesn't that just contradict his promise? I kept asking myself… what was I doing wrong to have my parents hate me?… him leaving...

I was watching Maury… or at least was trying to keep track of the show. I couldn't quite focus. My mind kept zoning into its own world. I couldn't think of anything else… except studying and training… I was putting mind maps on how to hide things from Austin especially. My friends started asking questions. I wanted to hide everything but sometimes things were out of my control. But that's what I want … CONTROL.

* * *

Austin was still showering, and taking his time. He put the used towels in the laundry basket, along with both our underwear. He was never prejudice about girl stuff. It was him that helped me out when I first became a woman. I remember, mum hadn't told me anything because she was shy, and dad was too busy to even notice that I was growing up. I panicked the first time I had my period. I mean, my friends told me what to expect, and how their experience was, but I never expected it to be like that. Austin was the one giving me the 'sex talk'… he was the one explaining bit by bit, and it was embarrassing getting everything in order by my brother. It was different.

I heard him singing the shaving song. He had a song for everything he did. He always said that it made things more interesting. I never saw how that was, but I guess that's Austin. After few minutes he was all done, and went to put the shaving cream back inside the bathroom cabinet, but he was too clumsy and dropped everything. All bottles, and creams, toothpastes and deodorants… and the one thing I never wanted him to move… mum's useless box. He started putting back everything, after a few curses, but he found something that I knew I would regret.

He came down the stairs quickly with a box in his hands. He saw me lost in thoughts, and made his way to switch off the television.

'Hey I was watching that!' I said.

'Well… I was shaving upstairs but then I found these!' He stated as he threw the laxatives on the table, and crossed his hands as if he's interrogating me.

'Where… where have you got those?'

'Those? Those were behind mum's box!' He replied. 'You promised me you weren't going to abuse these stuff!'

'I'm not taking this from you or from anyone.' I said back as I got up and headed for the stairs.

'Oh no missy!' He replied as he caught me from my hand. 'You are going to talk to me whether you like it or not.'

'Austin… Leave. Me. Alone.' I answered back keeping my ground.

'Why are you doing this? What have I done wrong to deserve this? You are killing yourself!'

'Austin not everything is about you, and I'm not doing anything!' I replied back.

'Oh… so abusing diet pills, laxatives, and anything else is nothing for you?'

'Austin, please just drop it.'

'No I'm not. I'm tired of watching you waste away. I'm trying to help, but you keep blocking me away.'

'You think I want this? You think I like being like this? Well, flash news I DON'T! Tonight you go back to your place and you leave me here alone. You don't face them arguing at night, and you don't hear them curse. I do. So don't tell me that I'm blocking you. You blocked me a long time ago Austin! When you decided to never move back.' I replied as I slid down on the stair.

'Is that how you feel?' He asked as he slid beside me and pulled me to his chest.

'Many times… I wish to end my life…'

'Stop saying that! You don't realise how much you hurt me by that!'

'You don't understand!'

'Then make me… talk to me…' He pleaded. 'I'm tired of seeing you hurt.' He replied as we heard shouting from outside the door.

'Oh come on Robert you cannot stay quiet in one meeting!' Mum shouted.

'That doesn't give you any right to decide the hours my daughter spends in that gym! She needs to be in her upper game.' Dad replied.

* * *

'_I'm going up Austin. I don't want to face this.' _I said as I hugged him and left up to my room.

* * *

Mum and dad came in still shouting. They didn't even notice that Austin was there. He watched them shouting at each other. Austin couldn't take the shouting anymore. It was also getting to him, but unlike me, he always spoke his mind.

'Would you two just stop arguing for once?'

'Austin don't brag into our differences.' Dad answered angrily.

'Dad for one second you should just stop and realize that this is not only affecting your relationship but it is also affecting us!'

'Austin I said shut up!'

'Robert, just listen to your own son!' Mum shouted.

'Why should I Margaret? He left here, and he wanted to take Martina with him. He would have ruined her life.'

'For your information dad, Martina has already ruined her life. She's anorexic for God's sake, and you're too busy to notice that she's killing herself.'

'Austin, I am the one keeping her dream alive. Without my financial help, she wouldn't be where she is.'

'Ohh… far from it dad! She would be better without all of you!' Austin retorted. 'Do you know that she is abusing diet pills and laxatives?'

'Dear, every girl goes through that type of period in her life. I did too, I remember taking laxatives and diet pills myself in my days.'

'Mum are you seriously this naïve? My sister is killing herself and you are saying it is normal?'

'Don't answer back to your mother!' Dad ordered as he took a sip from his scotch. 'Your sister is doing anything in her power to reach the gold. You should support her not stop her.'

At that Austin only saw red. He couldn't believe that our own parents became like that. He knew they fought and their heated arguments. But he never expected them to be this not caring.

'Are you mad dad? Do you even hear yourself? Your daughter is killing herself and you don't even care!'

'She is not! She is just making us proud dear!'

'Mum you cannot possibly believe that!'

* * *

I was tired of hearing them argue… I couldn't take it anymore. I wanted all the pain to end… I wanted everything to be the way it used to be. I went to my desk drawer, and there it was… my only pain relief… I took out my razor blade… It was time…


	29. Chapter 29

Sasha had still not returned to the rock. We all wanted him to come back. It never was the same without him. Marty was doing his best to be like Sasha. He wanted to relate with all of us… he wanted to be the close coach Sasha was… but he could never be Sasha. Sasha had his own type of charisma… his own way of getting to us. He was different.

All of us were spotting each other. Kaylie was spotting me on bars, while Payson and Emily stood beside us discussing stuff.

'I can't believe Sasha still hasn't come back.' Payson started.

'Pay, you know Sasha…' Emily continued.

'He has to re-think everything…' Kaylie added. 'Release …. Now… Martina.'

I followed the tkatchev, and it was improving. I released the bar and joined the others.

'Maybe he needs another push?' I suggested.

'I don't know…' Kaylie replied.

'He kind of hates pushy people.' Emily added

'But if it means that he will come back I'm ready to be pushy.' Payson continued as she went to the bar, while I went to take a sip of water.

'Is she ok?' Emily commented.

'I don't know… but I'm hoping that nothing is wrong.' Kaylie continued.

* * *

We all were training our hardest. The big meet was behind the door. It was few days away since the national team for worlds was to be chosen. We had to be on the team, and being already the national champion, had put a lot more pressure. I had to defend my title. I had to prove worthy to both the NGO and to my parents.

8 hours flew by, and after training and conditioning, we all were ready and heading home. All four of us went out of the gym and parted to our own separate ways. Seeing as how things were with Austin, I decided to walk, but he caught up with me.

* * *

'Hey…'

'Hey…'

'So… you're not talking to me?' Austin stated as he walked with me.

'I am talking to you!' I replied.

'Look, I know I wasn't easy on you… and I know I got out of line… and I'm sorry.' Austin said as he stopped me.

I smiled at his reaction. He truly loved me. Austin was always the first one to apologize when there was the need, to stand up when he had too, and to be nice when he needed too… That was Austin.

'Um… any word may help!'

'I forgive you… but… please… stop fussing… ok?'

'Martina!'

'Ok… ok… Fine…'

'So, do you want a drive?' He asked.

'Ok… '

* * *

Back at home things hadn't changed. It was always the same. Dad with his scotch, and mum shouting back at him. Don't they ever get tired? I would!... At dinner things hadn't changed. Although Austin forced me to have some of dinner, mum and dad still kept shooting glances towards me.

'You should watch those calories.' Dad started

'Dad, let her be… she trains 8 hours every day… Few calories won't matter.'

'Austin, your father is right. She has to be light.'

'I've told you last night and you're still with this obsession. I don't understand you and I'm not going to try.' Austin replied.

'Um… mum… I'm fed up… I'll eat later if I get hungry.'

'Yes dear. Don't forget your homework. You have to get straight A's this semester…' She replied while taking another piece of her dinner.

'I will mum.'

'You'd better do.' Dad replied, as I made my way upstairs.

* * *

The bathroom was my salvation for the 120 calories I had just ingested. I had to get rid of them one way or another. I switched on the tap water just to subdue the sound. I went on my knees and put my hair back. I pushed my two fingers to the back of my throat and it all started to come up. I felt exhilarated… but not for long…

* * *

Austin was coming up to my room at that time and he noticed that the bathroom light was on. He was going to knock, but he thought twice before coming in. He put his ear to the door, and listened carefully. His eyes widened as he realized what I was just doing.

'Martina, open this door!' Austin retorted as he tried opening the door.

'Coming…'

'Martina, open this damned door NOW.'

I cleaned up as fast as I could. I flushed the toilet and tried to keep my cool. I was too dizzy to hold on… but Austin was there… I had to…

'Hey… I was just…'

'You were just what Martina?' He said as crossed his arms.

'Um… I was doing my…'

'If you're going to lie think again Martina. I heard you throwing up. So what… now you're bulimic as well?'

'No… no no no no no Austin! I swear… there's nothing wrong with me.'

'Nothing wrong my ass! You're pale and in here it smells like someone has thrown up.' Austin replied.

I tried making few steps to avoid Austin, but my legs weren't that strong. I almost fell to the floor if Austin didn't caught me.

'Martina!'

'I'm fine…'

'No you're not.' He said as he lowered his guard and held me. 'Can you walk?'

'Yeah…' I replied as I pushed him away, but fell again.

'No you're not…' He continued as he lifted me off, and took me to my room. 'You are going to rest now… as you wake up and feel better, we have to talk.'


	30. Chapter 30

I felt myself zoning in and out of consciousness. Austin remained there changing the damp facecloth over my forehead. I felt myself shivering with cold. He tried keeping me warm with two duvets on top of me, but everything was painful. Even the mattress was hard. I felt my body bruising with every turn I did. There was no comfortable position.

Austin remained there trying to make me comfortable, whispering comforting words. He is the best brother I could have ever asked for. It was around 1am that I managed to get some sleep. My brain was filled with tormented dreams.

Austin was there… my parents were there… my friends were there… I saw us – Kaylie, Payson, Emily and I – running from something. We kept running and all we saw behind us was a dark shadow chasing us. We kept running but at one point every one of us kept disappearing. I was left alone running from the shadow, but at the end all I saw was a wall blocking me. I turned around facing the shadow, but all it did was swallow me, and I found myself into a dark miserable place. It was like a cage, and yet I could still move around. I saw my friends, my family, Austin in front of me. I was locked in this invisible cage.

'Martina you can get out of here!' Austin said.

'No Austin… She has to do this…' Dad replied.

'Do what dad?' I asked not knowing what to do.

'Win the gold of course!' He simply answered.

At that all I saw was more darkness overcoming me, and I wanted to scream and shout but it was to no avail.

I woke up immediately to a seating position from the nightmare, I was covered in sweat. But I'm glad I woke up. It was already 6am.

* * *

I quickly went to take a shower and hurried over. Austin was already in the kitchen munching on his breakfast. I went to get a quick glass of water, and drank it in one breath. My mouth felt too dry.

'Good morning little tuc.' Austin said as he took another mouthful of his scrambled eggs.

'Hey Austin. Sorry I'm late.' I replied as I sat beside him.

'I left you sleeping… I don't think you should come to training.' He stated.

'Why shouldn't she go to training dear? The world's team meet is behind the door!' Mum replied. 'Don't let your father hear what you just said!'

'Hear what?' Dad said as he came in the kitchen.

'Nothing Robert.' Mum replied.

'You off for training?' Dad asked.

'Yes dad… I'm waiting for Austin to drive me.'

'You should eat something before we leave.'

'She'll eat later Austin. She needs to be light.' Dad replied, while Austin pursed his lips.

'Let's go Martina.'

* * *

During the drive Austin tried bringing up last night's incident. I didn't want to talk about it before training. I had to be focused, and that he totally understood. He kept helping me calming my nerves. He was always great at that. He knew how to rest one's mind.

As we arrived at the gym, another incident had happened. Everyone was gathered at the stairs of what was Sasha's office. I went to join my friends, while Austin went to see what was happening. Everybody was shaken up, and from what I could see, the NGO committee were all there.

'What's happening?' I asked

'Hey…' Payson replied.

'What's the NGO doing here?' I asked again.

'Beals again.' Kaylie said as Beals came out of the office, while Marty went out of the gym.

* * *

'As you may notice, Marty has left… and in agreement with the NGO, I will be your coach again.'

* * *

'What? Beals is back?' Emily whispered.

'It seems like it.' Kaylie replied.

'She will ruin us!' Payson replied.

'… and let hell be on loose.' I finished.


	31. Chapter 31

How could the NGO let Beals get back to being a coach? She was ruining us all! She had something against us rock girls. Did she hate that we were better than Denver's elite team? Lauren was also annoyed with Beals, and she usually loves everything that comes best for her, but although Beals gave her all the attention, it was harder for her to sneak to the boys at times.

Us four remained training normally. We owed that much to Sasha, and now to Marty. We couldn't let anything happen to this centre. We built it, and we can't destroy it.

* * *

Marty was driving back to Sasha's place. He had to notify him what just happened. As it seems, Sasha didn't return to the rock, and in a way it was in his advantage, as like that Beals wouldn't be on his tail. Little we knew that he was planning a cunning plan.

Marty knocked frantically on the door, until Sasha opened.

'Hey… Why all this racket!'

'We have a problem.' Marty replied.

'Come in…' Sasha replied as he let him in. 'What is it now?'

'Beals is back! This time she has information.'

'What kind of information?'

'Beals thinks that I've been passing on information to you about the rock.'

'How does she know?'

'My guess?' Marty replied. 'Is by this microphone on my phone!'

'We're screwed.' Sasha replied. 'Did you check anywhere else?'

'Yeah, I've found another microphone in my car, and another in my gym bag.'

'… who's training my girls now?'

'Beals!'

'… and tomorrow the words team is going to be chosen.'

'Yeah.'

'I have a plan.' Sasha added. 'Leave everything to me. My girls will make the worlds team.'

* * *

'Damn. She's training us too hard!' Kaylie started.

'She's trying to exhaust us.' Payson continued.

'Come on guys, in 10 minutes time we'll finish.' I added.

'… and we have to listen to Beals sweet sweet talk.' Emily finished.

'As a matter of fact Emily, the 'sweet sweet talk' starts now.' Beals said behind Emily. 'Gather on the floor with the others.'

* * *

The NGO was in line behind Ellen. She kept pacing back and forth. There were too many rules she was stating. She wanted us in our upper game, but all that talking was making us all sleepy. How can a woman has so much to talk about after she managed to fire two of the best coaches ever? She's ruining the gymnastics world. I guess it really is as Sasha told us. It was all politics.

'All of you have to have long sleeve leotards. You must have your hair in a ponytail and no buns! We are not ballerinas here.'

'_From where are these rules coming from?' _Payson asked.

'Payson do you want to share something with us?' Ellen asked.

'Yes… Since when do we have these rules?'

'Since I'm your coach. Now either you beat it or you're out of tomorrow's competition.' Ellen answered. 'So… are you in or out?'

'I'm in… Coach Beals.'

'So, as I was saying. Every gymnast should get at least 10 hours sleep tonight. You have to be here at 7am on the dot. Not a minute later. All of you should have your team jackets.' She continued until she called my name. 'Martina, how are you in your round-off arabian?'

'It's prepared Coach Beals.'

'Good. We want to see it tomorrow.' She added. 'Bring plenty of water, and extra tape. There will no borrowing from your friends. This is an individual sport. You all need to fend on your own from now on.' She continued. 'I hope you all understood everything… Are there any more questions?'…. 'No… you may go.'

We all made our way to the locker room. We still were in utter disgust with her rules. How could the NGO sit by it? She was taking over everyone and everything. She couldn't do that! Or could she? She did manage to get rid of both Mary and Sasha. She had utmost power.

We all headed home. We had to rest and prepare ourselves in the mental game. We had to focus, and most of all be supportive towards each other. Austin was worried that Beals was back. He knew how she treated us back when she was the team coach… and now that she is the coach again on the night of the world's team, was worse. Austin could feel that she had a plan for everything.

I went to bed immediately as I got home. Dad gave me the talk for the following day. At least mum and dad were coming. They were looking forward for it. I had to make the team. If not for me, at least for them.

Austin kept trying to talk them into not letting me compete. He knew what pressure was going to be on me. He knew everything… but my parents didn't want to listen. They never listened. Their's was always right.

Mum laid out the new leotard that she had bought me for the occasion. It was a black sparkly long-sleeved leotard with a green strip on my chest. Dad on the other hand, made sure to have all the necessary paper work for me to sign the following morning. They were all sponsorship endorsements. It said that they're investing the money in me to get the first place.

* * *

Back in my room, I had already prepared my duffle bag. I put everything, even an extra set of grips just in case the ones I had ripped. I went to bed early and hugged my pillow tight. After that night everything was going to be ok. I was going to make my parent's proud… I was going to make the world's team. I was finally going to prove to dad that all the money invested would turn up to be useful… I was going to prove myself worthy.


	32. Chapter 32

10… 20… 30… 40… That was my morning of the try-outs, doing conditioning to warm my muscles up for the big day. I had already woke up early and showered and got into my sports bra and put on my shorts while I did V-sits, crunches, splits, push-ups, handstands and handstand walking. It was easier doing stuff in my own in room. There was nobody to bother me. I was getting focused. I was perfecting myself.

* * *

'Austin is your sister up?'

'She's been up since 6 this morning mum!' Austin replied. 'Look… if dad won't listen to me, I think you would. You should take her out of the competition mum! She looks awful! She's weak and tired…'

'Austin, we've already talked about this… She will compete whether you like it or not. We didn't invest all of this money for nothing.'

'Mum is all you care about the money? My sister deserves better than that!'

'Austin, I'm not repeating myself.' Mum replied. 'Now please, take this leotard to your sister. She forgot it here last night.'

Austin decided to leave the room and the first chance he got. He didn't feel to continue understanding my parent's train of thought.

* * *

I was still doing some crunches. It was easier that way. In little time, I had to be at the gym again. This time had to make the world's team. Music was blazing into my ears. It was comfortable sweet melodic music, where I could take my mind of all things. I closed my eyes letting myself lose it. I wanted to feel free, and it was that moment that I felt light weight. Nothing weighing me down. Nothing scaring me. Just me and I.

Austin knocked more than once on the door, but I didn't hear him. I was too busy in myself. I was too busy to care for anything outside my room. However, after three knocks, he decided to enter. He came forward to me and took out my earphones.

'What the hell are you doing Martina?' He asked as he pulled me to my feet.

'Austin! Why didn't you knock?'

'I did. You didn't answer.' He replied. 'Damn… you're wasting away.'

'Austin please stop it.' I replied as I turned my back on him, and I regretted that I did.

'What the hell are those?' He asked as he saw my sides.

'There's nothing Austin.'

'There's nothing my ass Martina.' He said again as he pulled me to him keeping a tight grip on me. 'Are these cuts? Are you cutting now Martina?'

'Austin. LEAVE. ME. ALONE.'

'No I'm not going too Martina! What the hell are you trying to say with these?' He said again as he held me tightly from my arms.

'Austin you're hurting me. Please. Let me go.'

At that he realised that he was hurting me. He loosened his grip and yet he still held me tight to him. He inspected the cuts, and I could see pain all over his face. I couldn't understand why he was doing all that fuss. He pulled me towards the bed, and made me sit down. He brought the QV cream and after cleaning my wounds the best he could, he applied the cold cream on me. I didn't want him to see anything. I didn't want him to come to my room, but sometimes things always went against our wishes.

'Martina, why are you cutting?'

'I'm… I'm not…'

'Martina, those clearly are clean cuts made with something sharp. Don't lie to me! Please don't!' He begged.

'Please Austin. Not today. I need to focus. Please Austin!' I begged.

'Martina, don't compete today. You need to gain your strength back. You need to get healthy again.'

'No Austin… I'm not giving up on this. I have to do this.'

'You already proved a lot Martina. You have to stop.'

* * *

'Austin, Martina, get down. We're soon leaving.' Dad shouted from downstairs.

* * *

'Look Austin, I need to get ready. We'll talk later… ok?'

'Martina. I still don't think this is a good idea.' He replied as he handed me the leotard.

'Austin, either you are going to support me and help me out or you're getting out of this room.' I replied seeing as I wasn't going to get anywhere close to let Austin relax a bit.

At that he decided to take my duffle bag downstairs. I saw that he didn't agree with anything. But that's Austin. Either it's his way or nothing.

* * *

During the drive to the rock, dad kept telling me about how I should dazzle the judges; how I should portray myself and sell some love to the cameras. He continued by his preach of 'don't let this money invested be wasted.'

Austin kept squeezing my hand at times. He knew that I felt like crying at dad's words. All he cared was about the money. All mum cared was about the new leotard endorsement. What about me? What about my championship? What about me being successful? I had to do this. This was my last chance to prove I'm worthy.


	33. Chapter 33

It wasn't long till we finally arrived at the rock. I quickly joined my friends and started conditioning and warm-up. We saw Beals staring at us as we were doing team warm-up, but we didn't care. For as long as we were having fun doing it, she wasn't going to steal that from us. She stole our coach, she stole our gym, but she wasn't taking us.

We followed a whole sequence of routine flips while spotting each other. We had to have someone to be comfortable with the company around us. We had to find our inner selves with our friends and teammates.

After all the rounds of warm-up and conditioning, we all went to take our place on our seats. We all went to our teams. The first rotation was about to start – it was bars.

* * *

'And Martina Tucker on bars.' The NGO stated.

I chalked up and went few feet away from the springboard. I felt myself trembling, but I got myself under control. I took a run, and did the round-off Arabian, but fell on my back as I was on a handstand in the Arabian.

* * *

'Oh my! What happened! She worked so hard on that move!' Mum said.

'She's weak… she's tired… that's what happens when you starve yourself.' Austin replied.

* * *

I got up from the mat, and tried to gain my composure. I went up on the bars again, and continued the routine flawlessly. The drop cost me one tenth deduction, but I got a 15.969, which was quite a high value. I could see dad's face drop. He was disappointed. I knew that. I had to do better in my next event.

'She looks weak and shaky Beals.'

'It's all Sasha's fault.' She replied

'So all we hear about Sasha is true then!'

'Hell yes… and his father was worse when he was training Romania's national team. Gymnastics world will be better off without him.'

Lauren was next on beam, but before she went to it, an unexpected visitor came.

* * *

Dimitri Belov came walking in the rock centre as if nothing was stopping. He came on the floor, and called for the rock girls.

'Where are the rock girls?' He asked, as we all moved towards him.

'Hi, as you know I'm Dimitri Belov, Sasha's dad.' He started

'Mr Belov…' Beals started… 'What are you doing here?'

'I'm training these girls.'

'They already have a coach.'

'Who?'

'Me!' Beals stated.

'You?' Belov asked mockingly. 'Get lost lady.' He stated, as he turned back to us. 'Now as you may know, my son Sasha, couldn't be here, but, he told me all about you. He knows how prepared are you technically. He's only worried about your emotional place. When you go out there, you are going to take in your family, friends… everyone your love!'

'Tell that to Beals.' Kaylie replied.

'She thinks this is an individual sport!' Payson continued.

'No Payson… this is not an individual sport. You all need each other. Sasha believes in you and between us. He'll soon be here.'

* * *

We all went to our routines. I got a great value in floor, and Kaylie followed me. Lauren got great results on beam, but at one second, Sasha came in. We all went toward him, and although Beals tried to get him out of the gym, we all fought for him with the NGO committee and they allowed him to be in the gym.

Emily was next. She was terrified from her new DOD in vault. Sasha went forward to give her his speech. He always knew what to tell us to get us into our game. Emily chalked up, and took the 82 feet run, and went running full speed ahead to the springboard. She went onto the vault table, and followed the tsukahara. She landed exactly on her feet.

Payson and Kaylie were next, and they also managed to medal along with me. I took the gold in floor and bars already, and Kaylie took it in beam, while Payson took the gold in vault and Emily took silver. Lauren took Silver on floor, which was quite an amazing performance from her.

It was my turn to go on beam. I was feeling weaker and weaker as time passed, and Sasha noticed.

'Martina, you don't have to do this. You're already on the world team with those scores. You can skip this.'

'Sasha, I can't. I have to do this. It will bring extra points.' I replied as Sasha gave me his look. 'Please Sasha. I have to do this. I owe it to my parents.'

'Ok… but keep it tight.' He replied as held me from my shoulders.

I went onto the beam with a powerful mount on. It felt good. I went forward with an aerial, and a free walkover to a split jump turn over. My body was feeling numb by that time.

* * *

'_Don't do it Martina. You don't have too… Nobody expects you too.' _Austin said.

* * *

I took the length of the beam and went to a back handspring layout layout. I landed it with a stick. My moves felt different. I felt different. I was hearing different. I was seeing everything blurred. Austin moved from his place. I saw him going down the seating. I tried focusing. He seemed to have realised what was happening.

I prepared for another free back walkover, but all it took was one more step. I felt my body give out. I fell. All I saw was black and darkness. I was numb all over.

Austin caught me before I hit my head. Sasha and my friends came running over. Mum and dad came over. Everybody was astounded by what happened. However dad thought it was something else.

'Come on Martina. This is not funny, get back up on the beam.' He stated, while he got a stare from Sasha, and mum remained there staring at what had just happened. 'Martina, everybody falls… Get back up now.'

Austin couldn't take this anymore. He saw at what state I was. He realised what had just happened. He got up from beside me and punched dad.

'GET. AWAY. FROM. MY SISTER DAD.' He stated as he came back to me, making sure I was still breathing, while Sasha called 911.


	34. Chapter 34

The ambulance came in less than 5 minutes. Austin had put me in the recovery position while Sasha suggested that they shouldn't move me from the mats, just in case I broke something. Austin was pale as a ghost. He was definitely worried. When the paramedics came, he made sure he remained with me.

'Who's in charge?' One of the paramedics said.

'I am…' Sasha replied. 'This is Austin, her brother… He's taking care of everything.'

'What happened?'

'She just fainted.' Sasha replied as he held my head while they put me on the stretcher.

'She has a very low blood pressure, and a low heartbeat.' The other medic stated, as he put an oxygen mask and hung me to a heart machine.

Kaylie brought Austin my bag, and he simply took it and followed stat behind the medics. Mum remained with dad, discussing money with sponsors. They still wanted to make sure that they would still sponsor me. Austin was utterly disgusted by their behaviour. He felt helpless seeing me lying with almost no life.

Sasha followed and remained at the door, seeing the ambulance going far until finally disappearing to the naked eye.

'Son, take it from me. You cannot always protect them.' Dimitri said as he held Sasha from his shoulders.

'That's true dad, but I shouldn't be hurting them either. I knew she wasn't well… I should have stopped her… and made her parents listen.' Sasha replied.

* * *

Back at the gym, the selections were all made. All gymnasts were waiting for the results, and my friends were with them, although they were shaken up. My parents were waiting with the other parents. The Keeler's were worried and Alex Cruz already had made a judgement on my parents. He started shooting glances at both of them. Sasha was in utter disgust at their reaction. They should be looking out for me, not pushing me.

* * *

'And this year's world's team are these six girls.' One of the NGO guys said as the other lady prepared the team jacket. 'The first place is being reserved for Martina Tucker. We will decide if she'll remain on the world's team, after a full evaluation of her health.'

Mum and dad started shaking hands with the sponsors. Everybody was amazed at their reaction.

* * *

'_There daughter is at the hospital and they're here betraying her.' Kim said to her Mark._

'_They know what they're doing Kim… Let them be.' He replied._

'_When Payson broke her back we went to her. We didn't remain there waiting for the results.' Kim replied anxiously. '… at least her brother respects her.'_

* * *

'In second place, Payson Keeler.' He continued, as Payson hugged her parents, and went on the podium. 'In the third place, we have Kaylie Cruz, and in forth, we have Emily Kmetko.'

Both gymnasts were ecstatic. They hugged their parent's and joined to the podium.

'In fifth we have Lauren Tanner, and in the sixth place we have Kelly Parker.'

* * *

'_We all made the team!' Payson whispered to Kaylie. _

'… _and it is all because of Sasha!' Kaylie replied._

* * *

'We congratulate you all girls, and we'll see you next in worlds. Also, we have another important thing we have to say. In agreement with the national gymnastics organisations, we decided to lift Mr. Belov's suspension, and he can coach again at the rock. The rock girls showed discipline and most of all great performance and it seems to be all your good work, Mr Belov.'

Sasha smiled, while his father held him from his shoulders. My friends all got down from the podium and hugged Sasha. He was back. He was finally back!

* * *

'Sir, you have to stay outside.'

'She's my sister.'

'… and I'm her doctor, but right now you need to remain in the waiting room.' The doctor replied as he pushed Austin outside of the emergency room.

'What have we got here?'

'A 17 year old girl, with a really dangerous low blood pressure, a very low heartbeat, and has been unconscious for almost half an hour.'

'She's very thin.' A nurse stated, while the doctor cut out the leotard.

'…and she's either a self-harmer or abused.' The doctor continued.

'Doctor, she's in v-tech.'

'Charge the padels… Charge 100… Clear… Charge again, this time 250… Clear.' The doctor stated as he shocked me once again. 'We've got her back… Put her on a drip 100mg per hour, and please send her brother to my office.'

* * *

I was transferred to a room, while Austin went to Dr. Burge's office. Austin was freaked out that I was still unconscious, but he had to get some information.

'Dr Burge?'

'Come in Mr Tucker.' Burge replied as he held his hand out and shook Austin's. 'Please, sit down.'

'How's my sister Dr?' He started.

'I'm afraid I don't have good news Mr Tucker.' The Dr replied as he opened my file. 'Her heart is weak, she's malnourished, it seems that she hasn't had a period in almost a year, her liver and kidneys are failing, her BMI is 16.9 and a normal BMI should be from 20 to 25, and she's very underweight. Also, I've noticed some cuts over her body?'

'Yeah… I did too.'

'Is someone abusing her? I don't know… any problems at home that maybe had her abused.'

'She doesn't have quite a good environment at home.'

'But is someone abusing her?'

'Emotionally and psychologically yes… she resorted to starvation, purging and cutting.' Austin replied.

'Mr Tucker, your sister has some stress fractures that haven't healed properly. She had dislocated her shoulder and ankle and it seems that they were fixed by someone not professional.'

'She's an elite gymnast Dr. She trains over 8 hours a day 7 days a week. She trains through pain. It's gymnastics.'

'But at what cost Mr Tucker? Her life?' Burge replied. 'We've caught her quite late. She may die in the next couple of days. She's weak, her immune system is very weak, and if she stays like this, she may face infertility, a kidney and a liver failure and her heart may give out.'

'What can I do to help?'

'Support her… Be with her… for now I want to get her weight up to a healthy stable one, and after we've reached and stabilised her physical healthy, I want her to talk to a therapist. She has to deal with what made her like this.' Burge replied. 'Also, I've noticed that her parents aren't here. Are they death? Because you are listed as her next of kin.'

'We have a bit of a family crisis. They should be here soon though.' Austin replied. 'Can I see my sister now please?'

'Yes, she's in a single room… room 214…' Burge replied.

'Thanks Dr.' Austin replied as he shook hands with Burge.

'If you need anything you know where my office is, and please, ones your parent's arrive, ask the nurse to page me.'


	35. Chapter 35

Austin remained in my room holding my hand, and doing round circles on the palm of my hand. He wiped my forehead and removed my ponytail so that he'll make me more comfortable. He kept whispering nice words to my ear hoping that at least I would hear him, and maybe open my eyes, but all he got as a response was the beeping sound of the heart monitor.

It was hours later that I finally opened my eyes. All I saw were white tiles, and there was a strong antiseptic smell. Austin was there still holding my hand when I finally woke up.

'Hey little tuc. How are you feeling?' He said as he kissed my forehead.

'I'm cold Austin…'

'…shhh… I'll get you a duvet.' He replied as he went to the room wardrobe and got me one of their blue duvets. 'How are you feeling?'

'I'm ok… just my butt hurting.'

'Martina, you lost the right on using the word 'ok' when you started starving yourself, purging and cutting.'

'Austin…'

'Don't 'Austin' me.' Austin scolded. 'You're killing yourself Martina.'

'I'm not…'

'Martina, look at where you are! Look at what you're hooked up to… you passed out on the beam Martina…'

'Austin I'm fine, I just need to get out of the hospital and get back to training.'

'Martina, you are not going to training anytime soon. You need to get your strength back.'

'Austin… I'm fine.' I replied as my parent's entered the room.

'How's our champion?' Dad started.

'Hi dad.' I replied weakly as Austin covered me and poured me some water in one of the plastic hospital glasses.

'You made the world's team dear. You came first.' Mum stated.

'All you need to do is get out of the hospital, and get back to training.' Dad added.

Dad was getting on Austin's nerves, and he couldn't take it anymore. He saw at what state they got me. He knew that all they cared about was gold and sponsorship money. He couldn't believe that our parent's became this way.

'Mum, dad, I need to talk to you… Outside please.' Austin stated as he handed me the glass of water and helped me have few sips, and placed it back on the hospital table.

* * *

'What the hell are you doing? Do you know that you jeopardized her health? Do you realize that my sister is dying?' Austin started.

'Dear, she's not dying, she's tired… she'll all be better once she sleeps.' Mum replied.

'Mum, stop talking like that! The doctor told me that she's risking liver and kidney failure. Her heart stopped, she may be infertile, she's malnourished and all you care about is this fucking money! Well flash news, I'm not staying for that. My sister needs to get better, and she's not doing that with you. I'm staying with her, I'm moving back and I'll be overviewing everything she does… What she eats, how much she trains and if she has to stop gymnastics she will. I'm not losing my sister for a stupid sport.' Austin shouted at them. 'You are her parents, and you are supposed to look out for her… and yet… you're letting her kill herself.'

'Austin you have no right telling us how to raise our daughter.' Dad replied in authority.

'Your daughter? You dishonoured her dad! When was the last time you asked her how she really was? When was the last time you spent time with her? When was the last time you told her that you love you her?' Austin challenged.

'Dear stop this. Everybody is looking at us.'

'Let them mum. So they'll realise what kind of selfish parent's we have.' He continued. 'Anyways… if you are interested in your Daughter's health, Dr Burge wants to speak to you.'

* * *

He returned back to my room, and found me on feet. I wanted to move a bit. I was too stiff, but after some paces, I almost fell.

'Martina! You're not supposed to walk.'

'Oh come on Austin! I just tripped.' I replied as he helped me up on the bed.

'What do you need?'

'Nothing… I just want to move.'

'Martina… you need to rest!... Please…'

'Austin…'

'Dammit Martina! You need to listen to me! You've starved yourself for too long! You're weak!... You need to get back your strength.' He replied as he wiped the tears from my eyes. 'I'm here for you little tuc… always have and always will.'


	36. Chapter 36

'Lauren, now that the competition is over, we need to talk.' Steve said to Lauren as he entered the room.

'Talk? About what daddy?'

'You know about what Lauren!' Steve replied as he sat beside his daughter. 'I'm talking about this dvd!'

'Where did you get this from dad?'

'Lauren, I got it from your laptop. I've seen the whole tape! I've seen the e-mail you sent! Lauren this is a very evil thing!'

'Dad, I did what you had to do. We got rid of Sasha…'

'… and look where that got the gym and your team mates. Beals almost ruined you all!'

'Dad, your hands are clean…'

'Lauren, I'm not letting you 'clean' on this. You almost ruined a man's career…We have to hand in the tape.'

'No daddy please! That will ruin my gymnastics! That will ruin me.'

'Lauren, you should have thought of that before you even did it!'

'But daddy!'

'No buts Lauren!... I haven't been a good father and a parent towards you. You need to learn that for every action there are consequences, and you are going to send this tape to the NGO!'

* * *

'Hello, good morning Martina.' Dr Burge said as he entered the room.

'Hi… I replied.' While both Austin and him shook hands.

'So, how are you feeling today?'

'I'm great… When can I get home and back to training please?' I asked excitedly while I got a stare from Austin.

'Mr Tucker, I'd like to talk to you… in private please.' Dr Burge replied as both adults went talking outside.

* * *

I hated the fact that everyone kept taking decisions. Nobody thought of what I wanted. Nobody cared of what I thought. It was them discussing and taking decisions for me. As if I was an invalid. How could they do that? Mum and dad visited the least, but when they visited, it was all fighting and rules. It was always the same. They start arguing forgetting I'm there. Then Austin gets on his nerves and he starts arguing with them. Yes, he's always there… yes, he's supporting… yes, he's trying to make everything better. But sometimes he's worse than them. He's trying to make it all better by arguing with them. There is no winning.

* * *

'Mr Tucker, there is another technical step we can take… She's still losing weight… she doesn't eat… I'm afraid I have to suggest the feeding tube.' Dr Burge started.

'But you said it was the last resort!'

'Mr Tucker, last tests results are worse than when she was admitted here.' Burge continued. 'The feeding tube is only temporarily. Once her weight is at least up to 10 pounds she can start therapy. There is a really good rehab facility for girls with eating disorders. She can get all the help she needs there.'

'How much 'temporarily' are we speaking here?' Austin asked as he leaned against the wall.

'It can be a week or even two if she's head strong and keep withdrawing treatment.'

'… and if I don't agree to this?'

'I'm afraid I have to call social services. Your parents aren't the best decision taking people, but you have been here with her every day and night… but if you are withdrawing treatment… then I have to involve social services.'

'Ok… ok… Where should I sign?'

* * *

My friends had already returned back to training. Sasha was more cautious then every. Payson had broken her back, and another gymnastic ended up with an eating disorder. He couldn't help but blame himself on what had happened.

Beals had left the rock. It was a good thing that she was out of the picture. At least now the rock went back to what it once was.

They all came to visit at the hospital, and they all cried with me when they knew I could lose everything I worked for. They were all supporting… but everyone had his own life to go on too… they couldn't just visit every day.

'Kaylie if you let go of the bar few seconds before you're 96 degrees from the bar, you can nail the tkatchev.' Sasha continued. 'Martina would have shown you how… but…'

'Sasha… did you go to visit?' Payson asked.

'Yeah… I did... she looks very bad…'

'Is Austin ever coming back to training?' Emily asked

'He said that he prefers staying with Martina for now… She needs support…' Sasha continued. 'Girls, I know this is hard for you… but keep working… Martina wouldn't want you to stop…'

'Yes Sasha.' They all replied, as he went back to his office.

'He looks shaken up.' Kaylie replied.

'How can he be not?' Lauren replied.

'… and what do you mean?' Emily continued.

'Well… Back when he was in Romania, one of his gymnasts ended up in a coma… Then here, Payson broke her back… and now Martina ended up with an eating disorder.'

'But it's none his fault.'

'I know...' Lauren continued, as everybody stared at her not recognising who the girl talking is. '… but he knew with both of you that there was something wrong… and he didn't make you stop… and now our team captain is lying in hospital. She was a good competition.'

'Um… Are you ok Lauren?' Payson asked.

'Yeah… I'm… I'm sorry on having always been obnoxious and a bitch… I really am… but now that we're all on the same team… I think…I should stop being that girl and grow up.'


	37. Chapter 37

'No… NOOO… PLEASE!' I screamed on top of my lungs. 'PLEASE DON'T!'

'I'm sorry Martina… but we have too!' Burge replied as Austin came in the room.

'Austin please tells them not to this!'

'I'm sorry little tuc… but you need this.' He replied as he pushed me back to the bed and held my hand.

'Please Austin!'

'You need this little tuc…'

'We have to sedate her!' The Dr told Austin while he nodded his head with tears in his eyes.

'PLLEASEEE DON'T LET THEM AU..AUs..tin…'

I didn't know what was happening. I felt tired in a second… dizzy… tired… I couldn't fight anymore. How could Austin do that? How could Austin allow that? He's supposed to protect me… He's supposed to be on my side…

They forced the feeding tube down my nose. The pain was unbearable. I tried toughening up… but tears came out of my eyes. Austin remained there and dried my eyes quickly… He kept speaking comforting calming words. He let them do this to me. He's letting them controlling me.

'I know it hurts Martina… but you need this… you're going to die if you keep on like this. You're hurting…'

* * *

'We have to set our differences apart Margaret. Austin is literally taking over her custody.'

'I've never said anything Robert… but… he may be right… Our daughter is sick Robert.'

'She's not… she's just stressed out…'

'Robert… I've never told you this… but…'

'… but what Margaret?'

'I've found stashed food in her gym bag.'

'You what? Why didn't you tell me?'

'Would you have listened Robert?'

'I would have! She was eating with us...'

'Robert you were always telling her to watch her calories! She has a body of a 7 year old.'

'Look Margaret… She was always small for her age… She was always skinny. But we're losing sponsorship money… She has to get back to training… we're losing everything we've worked for…'

'I know… What do you think we should do?'

'For now… we'll let Austin take care of things… She will get back home someday… She will be all focused on winning again. She's tough… she will get through this and will be back to winning the gold!'

* * *

Austin remained there the whole day. He never moved from the chair beside me. He brought books for me to read. He brought my laptop… he brought my science books he brought some dvd's to watch… but at that moment nothing could make me feel better.

'You see… here this is you when you were 5. I remember you trying to push me off the chair.' He tried again while I stared outside the window with tears in my eyes. '… and here… ohhh… I so remember mum's punishment after I've place whipped cream in your favourite shoe.' He continued as he looked at me, and saw that it was for nothing.

'Listen… I know you hate this… but I had to agree… Martina you are dying! So please! Talk to me!'

'What do you want me to say Austin? What are you expecting me to do? You took the decision without even considering my opinion. You don't know how this makes me feel! You've made me look like an invalid.'

'Martina, you are in no state to take rational decisions!'

'So are you saying that I'm crazy now? Austin I'm your sister!'

'And I am your brother… and I'm not staying around watching you die while you punish yourself for something that you even don't have fault or control off! Martina I cannot watch this anymore… You are dying.'

'Stop being fucking melodramatic Austin!'

'Martina, I've remained on that seat for days… I've slept here making you company, and you're angry with me for wanting to keep you alive? Do you think that I enjoy seeing you like this? Do you think I enjoy spending my days here? I'm sorry Martina… but if you think that the world is revolving around you, then I'm sorry to break it out to you! IT DOESN'T!'

'Really Austin? Is that how you feel?' I replied with tears in my eyes… 'If you feel like this… then you should leave… like mum and dad did… I guess you're no better than them. I didn't ask for you to stay… '

'Martina…'

'Just leave Austin…'


	38. Chapter 38

He left the room abruptly. I couldn't look at him leaving. I didn't want him to leave, but I didn't want him to win. I didn't want him to prove his point. Maybe I wasn't healthy…maybe I was weak… but no… I had to keep my ground.

All I wanted was to vanish into thin air as he closed the door. There was no one left. Maybe I was too hard on him…

I hate my life… my parents don't realise that they have a daughter… they've given up on me completely… they only think about everything except what they truly have too… Did Austin become like them too? Does Austin hate me? I wouldn't blame him… Maybe he'll come tomorrow… Maybe I'll see him.

* * *

'Hey mum…'

'Hello my dear! You're early!'

'We had a fight… I said some hard words… and she wanted me to leave.'

'I told you Austin she has nothing. They're keeping her in hospital for nothing.' Mum replied while Austin went to get a beer from the fridge.

'Mum… have you seen her? She's placed on a feeding tube. She won't make it if she doesn't increase her weight. She's weak… tired… I don't recognise her anymore… someday she was another girl… another sister…'

'Austin you just said she fought with you. She had to have strength.'

'Mum it's called anger and desperation!'

'Austin…'

'You know what mum? Do as you like! I'm not giving up on her.' He replied as he went up to his room with the beer in his hand.

* * *

Before Austin went to his room, he saw my door room open. He entered hoping to find me there… although he knew where I truly was. He saw my bed fully made as usual. He saw my posters of Nadia Comaneci. He went towards my desk and followed the perfect straight line that everything was set at.

He saw all the order in heights of books… He saw everything in perfection… He saw pictures of us together in the frames that I had decorating my room. I always loved girly colours and Austin always knew what to get me with girly colours in them.

He saw all pictures of us in the album I had on the desk. It was the family album that both Austin and I used to keep since when I was 7 years old. He used to tell me, that when the time comes, we'll want to remember these moments together. Guess… he was right! Usually I wanted to keep memories and review the albums… but that day, it was him.

He grabbed one of my favourite cardigans and held it to his nose. Tears prickled down his eyes… I guess he did miss me. He grabbed one of our pictures together from my room, and left to his. As he entered, he went straight to his desk and put the picture there while he opened the beer and drank.

I never knew that Austin kept a bottle of vodka in his room. Guess that was the day he discovered the real use for vodka.

* * *

_Dear Diary,_

_ I'm sorry I'm not writing in the journal, but it's at home, and I'm hoping no one will find you there… So… for now am going to write here… I think I made a huge mistake today. But Austin agreed to the feeding tube. I want to take this out. I want so bad… I want Austin here… I want to be able to talk to him like I used too… I want loving parents… Why can't I have that? Why am I like this?_

_ Maybe I'm annoying… maybe I deserve all this… Yes… I do… I have to be perfect… Than everybody will like me. My parents will love me… Austin will be proud of me… I can work harder… I want to go back home… I hate this cold place… I hate these boring walls… I hate these wires…_

_ I want to die right now. I want all the pain to end… I... I … I don't know what I want… feel… think anymore… Doctors and family make me seem as an invalid. _

_ I have to work harder… Tomorrow is a new day… Tomorrow is the day… _

_ Martina Tucker…_


	39. Chapter 39

Two days passed since Austin left the hospital… He didn't call… he didn't text… he forgot me… I looked at the door hoping it will open at any time, and he will there. I hated that he wasn't there. I hated that I couldn't talk to him. I admit… I was hard on Austin… I hated myself for being like that… What kind of a person am I for doing that? What kind of a sister am I on treating my brother like that? It definitely wasn't fair on him… He just doesn't understand… but he cared a lot…

It was the third time that they fixed the feeding tube again… The pain of pulling it out was worse than the pain on putting it back in. However… after some time here, I did get the hang of everybody. It was finally the night… I couldn't stand it anymore…

* * *

'Austin! Wake up!' Mum called him from downstairs.

'What mum?' Austin replied as he held his hands to his head, and made his way downstairs.

'Austin Mark Tucker… Where you drinking last night?'

'What? How do you…'

'I've been living with your father for years dear… I know what drinking smells like!'

'Yeah mum… I did…'

'… but why?'

'… nothing…'

'Ok…' She replied as she handed him his breakfast. 'Listen, today we aren't staying home. We have to get the divorce papers and sign.'

'You promised Martina to stay for 6 months… and if I recall correctly it only was a month and a half.'

'Austin your sister will understand… I can't stay with him… We'll still take care of the business and your gymnastics… but… not this way… not under the same roof!'

'Mum, Martina needs you together!'

'… and I need to be free… I'm tired of looking at your father… remembering what he did!'

'Like you did mum…'

'What are you talking about Austin?' Mum replied shooting him a glare.

'You know what I mean mum!...' Austin shouted back… 'You sleeping with Marty! And should I remind you that Martina came from that affair.'

'Don't you dare mention that! If your father hears you he won't be obligated to keep you and Martina sustained.'

'Mum! You are not lying to him but you're lying to my sister and most of all to yourself!'

'Austin your father loves Martina in his own way… Don't change that.' She continued almost screaming with him.

* * *

Austin never forgot that day he discovered about mum's affair. He was 16 himself at that time. He heard her talking in the gym's office, but he made a promise that he'll keep everything to himself… and I guess he truly did. Because nobody discovered what really happened.

I mean… yes… mum had the right to be hurt of dad cheating on her… but she also made her own batch of mistakes in life… she had a kid from her affair, and made dad believe that the daughter she had is his. Guess he fell for it for years.

Austin never took me as his half-sister… he truly loved me… he was always there for me… he never betrayed me… he was simply accepting.

* * *

The day at our home was spent as usual. Austin trying to keep their arguments at bay while they keep shouting towards each other… it wasn't a fun thing to do… but Austin wanted some quiet… he wanted our family back.

'Would you just fucking shut up? You've already ruined your daughter! What are you proving by this?'

'Austin… we didn't ruin anyone.' Dad shouted back.

'Oh really dad? Who was the one asking her to get back up on the beam when Martina fainted?' Austin challenged.

'Austin, mind your language!'

'Why should I dad? You always do what you like… so might as well I'll do what I like!' Austin replied as he stormed out of the kitchen.

* * *

Before the clock struck 7pm, I pulled out the feeding tube again and put a quick tissue to my nose… it was bleeding again... I pulled out the cannula from my hand and threw it quickly. It was almost time then. I quickly got up, and hurriedly got dressed and made sure that door was closed. It is what nurses always done before… at 7 pm they went to their locker room and only one nurse remained at the counter, where sometimes she had to be pulled to a room, until few minutes later the night shift nurses were there filling the ward again.

They all had gone to their locker room. It was then or never. I made one quick run… and never looked back…


	40. Chapter 40

I made it outside. I thought it was going to be harder. I felt my heart pounding like I've been running for 5 whole miles. I was used to running. It was part of my training. Guess it was finally in use for something. I pace the duffle bag across me, and started walking. I knew the way to home by heart.

I felt my body shivering. It was too cold… or at least that's what I was feeling. I got some looks from people that were passing along. I kept going on my way. It was easier like that. I never looked back… I never re-thought my decision. I hated that hospital… Austin wasn't there anymore… My parents left me… They gave up on me… All they cared about was the gold… Maybe if I get the gold they'll see that I'm worthy of their love… and maybe they'll love then… and maybe… we'll… we'll be a proper family again.

I smiled at that thought, however remembering that they were thinking of divorce, made me tear up. Who was going to have custody? With whom was I going to live? Where was I going to live? What about Austin?

I was almost at home… I could see our yard. It was few feet away then!

* * *

Mum had been already waiting for the lawyer for hours. She was getting tired of waiting for that. It was always like that those days…. Who arrives late not who arrives on time. It was tired for both parties… but it wasn't fair on them… they had to fight for what they had left of their marriage. Finally mum's phone rang.

'Margaret…'

'What's taking you so long Robert? I've been here for almost an hour!'

'Margaret, I'm going to be late!... I'm caught up at work.'

'Robert… we said we're signing them today.'

'Margaret I can't get out of this…'

'So what are you suggesting?'

'Either you ask the lawyer for another appointment or wait for me… I think I'll be there in 45 minutes.'

'I'll wait… it's today or never.'

* * *

Back at the hospital, the staff had changed over. The night nurses shift was on, and one of their first part of their job is to check over all patients. One of the nurses came in my room and found it empty, and went back to the reception.

'Is the patient in room 214 up for a test?' Josh asked.

'Who? Martina Tucker?' Carol replied.

'Yeah… She's not in her room.'

'No… she's not up for anything…' Carol replied gain as she checked the monitor. '…oh shit… Get Dr Burge… Now!' She screamed as she headed to what was my room.

* * *

It was a familiar scent of lavender as I made my way to the door. The Yard remained the same as I left it. There was no shouting heard from outside… there was no sound of anything… not even lights on… Guess everyone was out. Better for me… I can have some time in my own room.

I found the key that we hide under one of the plant pots. Everything was the same. The living still had the bottle of scotch that dad always loved. The kitchen was filled and almost hotel like decorations. The table was set perfect. The glasses were placed in utter perfection…

I made my way upstairs and up to my room. It was left as I left it that day for making the world's team. I placed everything as I always did. My duffle bag on the right side of the bed, and my slippers exactly on the left side of the bed. I put my hair up in a ponytail, and made my way to my desk. There was something missing. I couldn't place it at first… but there was something missing. The album was touched… I left it at exactly 90o to the table… I went forward to look at the photograph I had of Austin and I, but didn't find it there. I knew what was missing… Guess Austin needed it… so I made my way over to his room.

I never expected to find such a strong smell… It was burning my nose. I couldn't help noticing the empty bottle on his desk and the beers in his bin. Had Austin taken up drinking now? And he says that I'm the one with the problem… Yeah… right…

I went forward to his desk… and there is was, my photograph. Austin did miss me… I missed him very much as well. As I picked up the envelope, an envelope fell on his desk. It was addressed to me… Austin wrote me a letter?

* * *

'How could you lose a 17 year old girl that doesn't even have the strength to walk by!' Burge shouted at the nurses. 'You have shifts for a reason! To be able to care for your patients! Or do we doctors have to keep an eye on them too!'

'We're sorry doctor! But we don't have only one patient!'

'You have enough nurses to take 50 patients not 20!' Burge screamed back. 'Is there anything else in her room?'

'Just the feeding tube on the bed… and it has blood over it.'

'Call her parents… she may have ruptured something… WE have to find her… and FAST.'

* * *

_Hey little tuc,_

_ So… um… I don't know where to start… I've been thinking about what happened last two days…_

I started reading as I slid to the floor by the wall.

_Martina… I know you're tired of hearing this… and now reading it… but you really need to get better… I look at you and what I used to see a happy girl that used to be my sister, I now see a girl who's tired of trying… who's punishing herself… who's now is fading away… I can't stay watching you die… I won't allow it… and whether you like it or not, I'm going to fight for you… You can't live with our parent's alone anymore…So I made my decision… I'm moving back… _

_ I know I haven't been the best brother… I've left you alone when you needed me the most… and you have all rights to be angry at me… but I'm trying to help you… I know you're angry at me for forcing you to do things… but the feeding tube was necessary… Martina you're slowly dying… Martina you're wasting away…_

_ I haven't visited the last few days… I wanted to give you sometime… I'm dropping this letter tonight at the hospital… but tomorrow I'll be beside you again… I'm not leaving your side… never again. I know you're angry and hurt, and I'm going to be there making it all better…. I haven't told you this in a long time… but you need to hear it from someone. Martina I love you and I care about you. I don't want to lose you… you're the family I have left…_

_ Your Brother,_

_ Austin (the one that bothers you at times! :p )_

* * *

I remained there on the floor… Austin cared… he never forgot me… He is the family I have…. I love my brother… I cried… I hated myself… I couldn't bring myself to believe that someone did actually love me.


	41. Chapter 41

I was drained of crying. I slid on the floor almost lying down. I could feel myself fading into darkness.

* * *

Mum's phone rang again while she was still waiting for dad. She was already on her nerves… and all she needed was another phone call…

'Robert… what's taking you so long!' She greeted the other line.

'Mrs Tucker?'

'Yes… who is this?' Mum replied again.

'I'm Dr Burge… from the hospital… I called on behalf of your daughter. We couldn't reach Mr Tucker… and you are next on the contact list.'

'Hello Dr Burge… What can I do for you?'

'It's about Martina…'

'Are you discharging her? She really needs to get back to training…'

'Mrs Tucker… Martina escaped from the hospital…'

'She What?' Mum shouted back… 'What is the staff fucking doing there! You're supposed to look after her not let her escape!'

'I know Mrs Tucker, and we're doing everything we can to find her…'

'Have you found her?'

'No…'

'Then you're not doing a damn good job on finding her.'

'Mrs Tucker… she may come home… Please, it's imperative that you co-operate in finding your daughter.' Dr Burge replied as dad entered the lawyer facility and found mum on the phone.

'Dr Burge, I'm in the middle on signing my divorce papers… I can't just drop everything and go find her.'

'Mrs Tucker… this is your daughter we're talking about here!'

'I know… look… I'll figure something out.' Mum replied… 'I have to go for now. Thanks Dr Burge.'

* * *

'…_and I wonder why Martina developed an eating disorder…' Burge replied to his colleague… 'her mother is too busy to wonder where her daughter might be, because she's in the middle of signing her divorce papers.'_

* * *

'Dr Burge? Is everything ok with Martina?' Dad asked.

'She escaped Robert.'

'She what?' He replied on his nerves. 'What did he say?'

'He wants us to co-operate.'

'Margaret we have to set our differences aside for a second… '

'Robert we can't keep this at bay any longer.'

'I know Margaret… I'm calling Austin… He'll know what to do.' Dad replied.

* * *

'_Hey dad…'_

'_Listen Austin… We have a problem…' Dad started._

'_What is it dad?' Austin replied as he pulled his car to the side._

'_Listen… Martina escaped from the hospital… Nobody can find her as yet…'_

'_What? She's supposed to be on 24/7 observation.' Austin replied worryingly._

'_Look… your mother and I can't come for now…'_

'_So the divorce papers are more important that finding your daughter dad? Way to go father!' Austin replied angrily._

'_Austin I don't have time to argue… Can you go home and wait for her maybe she's there or she'll come home?'_

'_I was visiting her at the hospital… As she's not there, that's the best decision to do.'_

* * *

Austin hung up immediately and made one swift exist from the parking lot. He was angry and worried at the same time. He never believed our parents could be so passive about their kids. He went over the speeding limit and tried seeing if I was walking… but it was no luck…

He was finally home and pulled in the drive-way. I always loved the way he pulled that stunt. I imagined him to be some kind of a stunt man.

As he put his keys on the key holder, he noticed that mine were there. He realised that I was there already… He went into the kitchen and up to my room. He knew I was definitely there. He saw my duffle bag, and my sneakers. He saw my now re-arranged desk… my now missing hairbands.

He headed to his room, and there he found me… lying curled up on the floor with the letter in my hands. He made two huge steps and was there beside me immediately. He touched my face, and couldn't help but realise the tears coming out of my eyes, and how broken I was.

'Martina… what are you doing on the floor? You're cold!'

'I don't care…' I replied

'Hey… don't speak bad about yourself…' He replied again as he rubbed my back in comforting circles… but he retreated it quickly… he was uncomfortable feeling all my bones.

'I…'

'Martina… can you get up?'

'I don't want…'

'Can I come beside you?' He asked slowly as took out my pony tail and passed his hand through my hair.

I nodded slowly while he came beside me and put my head over his lap.

'What's wrong little tuc? Why did you escape?' He asked quietly while he continued playing with my hair. He couldn't help noticing how thin it got… how brittle and dull it became… and I could feel his tears falling on my face and his fingers had strap of falling hair. 'Talk to me little tuc!'

'At first… I thought on never turning back… on never being here… but…'

'… but?'

'Austin… I have no one… You left me… my parents left… I wanted to see you…'

'Hey sis… I never left you! I always remained there for you!'

'… then I found this letter…'

'I was meaning to drop by….'

'I know Austin… but I'm tired of fighting… I'm tired… I don't have a problem… I'm fine Austin… I really am…' I replied as I felt him tightening his grip to me…

'Martina… I have to take you back to the hospital…'

At that I felt all the walls crumbling… I didn't want to go back… I grabbed his jeans and squeezed to the cloth…

'No.. no no no no no! Please Austin… I don't want to go back there! Please.' I replied with tears in my eyes.

He lifted me and pulled me against his chest. He did it with no effort… It was like he lifted an 8 year old child rather than a teenage girl.

'Shhh… Martina you need help! I can't let you fade away! You're my sister.'

'Please Austin…' I cried into his shirt.

'Shhh…. Look let me promise you something…' He said and he rubbed my back slowly afraid that he'll hurt me. 'I'll remain with you by your side always… You need me more than ever. I won't leave you again! I promise… but I have to take you back to the hospital.'

'Please Austin! Can I stay here for some more time? I don't want to leave here… please!' I asked again as I hid my face into his chest.

'Ok… ok… but I have to take you back to the hospital later… ok?'


	42. Chapter 42

'Mr and Mrs Tucker, the divorce papers are all finished and you have compromised on the material things you will be splitting.'

'Yes Dr Ordway…' Mum replied. 'However we still haven't quite decided on the house.'

'Mr. Tucker left it to you on the accordance that he can access it any time.'

'That's fair.' Dad said again.

'What about custody of your daughter Martina?' Dr Ordway asked again.

'We still haven't discussed that.' Dad replied again. 'She…'

'… hasn't decided as yet.' Mum replied.

'We haven't exactly told her that we're getting divorced.' Dad continued.

'What do you mean?' Dr Ordway inquired.

'We had promised to put of the divorce for 6 months… but we can't keep this anymore…' Mum replied.

'I'm sorry… I didn't quite get that…' Dr Ordway replied. 'Are you two saying that you didn't tell your daughter about the divorce?'

'We told our older son…'

'But what about Ms Tucker?' Dr Ordway replied.

'We'll tell her later.'

'Look… as much as I want for you to get this divorce over and done with, I can't allow anything like this to happen. You haven't discussed custody… you didn't tell your daughter about anything. This is only raising more problems and social services may be asked to oversee this situation!' Dr Ordway explained.

'So what do you suggest?' Dad asked again.

'I'd suggest that you explain your differences with your kids. Talk about custody and then you can come back.'

* * *

It was already almost 8.30pm, and after fading into a sweet sleep on Austin's chest. He lifted me up and took me to his bed so that at least, the little sleep I got was comfortable. He went out of the room, after making sure that I was close to what seemed ok…

He was trying to get a hang of mum or dad, but both their phones seemed to be AWOL. Second call he done was to the hospital. He had to notify them that at least I was safe. I hated being the one to be saved. I don't need saving. I don't see why all the fuss.

* * *

'We have to talk about the elephant in the room!' Dad started.

'I know… how are we going to tell her?' Mum replied.

'It's our life… she can't just take this hard…'

'Robert… of course she will take it hard… we promised her to remain for 6 more months, and yet we're divorcing. '

'Well she has to adapt!' Dad replied again. 'What about custody?'

'She can stay 5 days with me and 2 days with you?'

'What? No way! I can say goodbye to her gymnastics then!'

'So what are you suggesting Robert? That she'll come living with you?'

'To put it better? Yes I want to keep an eye on her training.'

'This is not only your decision. She has to decide with whom she wants to go. Plus we're forgetting Austin. He can easily take custody if he wants.'

'No way he's not! He can kiss his eligibility goodbye then!'

'Robert you cannot threaten him like that! He's her brother, and he has every right to do so.'

'Well, I'm sorry Margaret, but we are the parents, and we decide! Austin doesn't rule anything.' Dad replied as his phone rang again. 'It's Austin.'

* * *

'_Austin? What do you need?'_

'_Martina is at home. She's resting.'_

'_Good. She'll stay at home tonight.'_

'_What? No way dad! She's looks worse than she was… I'm taking her back to the hospital myself.'_

'_Austin you are not going to control her health decisions.' Dad shouted with him._

'_Dad you have never been there watching over her… so yes I will make the decision whether you like it or not!'_

'_Austin…'_

'_Bye dad. I'll see you at home.'_

* * *

'What was that about?' Mum asked as she saw dad that angry.

'Your son is taking Martina back to the hospital! She needs to get back to training… she already lost a week … how much more is she going to lose?'

'My son? ' Mum replied again. 'Oh so when something doesn't go your way, they're my kids?'

'Margaret, don't start with this again!' Dad screamed back.

'ROBERT THE ROAD!' Mum screamed back as dad took one huge break before crashing to the one before him.

'Dammit!'

* * *

Back at home Austin was already preparing some stuff to take to hospital with him. He wasn't going to let me alone again. He wanted to foresee my progress before I was sent to the rehab facility. He wanted to be there for me… He is truly a caring brother. I wasn't that comfortable in bed… Although I was sleeping… but I guess I slept out of exhaustion.

Austin noticed that I was turning and changing my position often… and after almost an hour he came beside me… He missed the times were both of us were happy… where nothing mattered. We used to be a happy family. We used to be something. Everyone thought we were The family… but now…

'Martina, it's time to go.' He started as he shook me gently.

'I'm up…'

'I know…' He replied slowly. 'I have everything ready… We need to go little tuc.'

'Please Austin let me stay! I promise I'll eat… I promise there's nothing wrong.' I insisted as I got up to a sitting position and looked to his face… 'PLEASE!'

'Martina, the time for promises ended up a long ago. Martina, you've given up on yourself… but I haven't… '

'Please Austin… This time I'll eat… I promise you…'

'Martina you cannot make promises you can't keep.' Austin replied as he pulled and hugged me. 'Everything will be ok… I'm here for you…'


	43. Chapter 43

Two weeks passed, and my parents never changed. Whenever they visited, it was always the same. Gymnastics… sponsorships… Austin was getting on his nerves. He was tired of listening to these stuff, and although he was trying to control the situation, he sometimes made it worse. The shouting increased, and it wasn't the first time that the three of them were asked to leave the room.

On one of my parent's visit, a bomb shell was dropped on both Austin and I. Austin knew that they were still going to get divorced, but he didn't know about their custody agreement.

* * *

'Mum, dad you promised that you were going to try for 6 more months! What happened to that promise?'

'I'm sorry dear, but some promises can't be kept!'

'So what? You decide on giving up on your marriage.'

'Martina, we have to do this!'

'No dad… you want to do this! This is not a have situation.'

'Mum dad, can we please talk outside?' Austin asked politely, trying to keep everything at bay.

'Austin stay out of this…' Dad replied. 'Martina… you are going to stay with your mother 5 days a week, and then you'll come living with me for 2 days. Weekend would be good.'

'Dad! Do you know what you're asking me to do?'

'Martina I'm not discussing this with you! The decision is done!' Dad shouted back, as Dr Burge entered the room.

'Dr Burge… what can we do for you?' Dad asked.

'I'm asking you to get out of this room. This is no environment for your daughter to be in.' Dr Burge insisted.

'I'm sorry Dr… but you have to right to intrude in our family discussions.'

'Mr Tucker, I should notify you, that I'm responsible of your daughter's well-being. Now either you go out of this room, or I have to get security. Your choice.' Dr Burge insisted.

'Fine. We'll go… but we'll be back…' Dad replied angrily.

'I need to speak to you outside before you leave.' He replied again while my parents made their way out.

'Are you ok Martina?' Dr Burge asked.

'Um… yeah…' I smiled. 'I'm fine.' I replied as both Austin and Burge exchanged looks.

* * *

'Dr Burge, what did you want to talk about?' Mum asked.

'First and foremost, you need to control your arguments in front of your daughter…'

'What are you saying Dr? That what's happening is our fault?'

'It may be part of it.' Burge replied. 'You're arguing of custody when right now she needs a family.' He continued. 'But setting these arguments aside… I wanted to notify you that tomorrow she'll be sent to the Rehab facility. There is a very good programme for girls with eating disorders. She has a good roommate. I already booked her a room.'

'Wow… wow wow… Hold your horses...' Dad started. 'Hold your horses Dr… Rehab? And how long will that take?'

'As long as it needs!'

'She needs to get back in training fast! She's in the worlds team!'

'Mr Tucker, right now your daughter needs to get better. She's not 18, so practically you make her health decisions, but if I see that you're keeping treatment from her, I have to get social services.'

'Ok… ok… fine…'

'Robert!' Mum said… 'Calm down.'

'Can we visit her there?'

'She needs to be away from family. She has to know why she started punishing herself and why she stopped eating.'

'Are you saying that it's our fault Dr?' Mum replied. 'Because we've always been a loving family.'

'Yeah… I can see that!'

'What are you insinuating Dr?' Dad asked.

'It's nothing… It's just… it clearly looks like you have some family problems.'

'Have you told her?' Mum asked again as she held dad's arm so as he calms down.

'Austin will be telling her with me. She's closer to him. His presence will help a lot.'

'Ok…' Dad replied as he held his hand forward to shake it with the Dr. 'Thanks…'

* * *

I could feel that Austin was tense, but he didn't want to tell me anything. He was still very thoughtful, and although I asked him more than once what was wrong, he still didn't tell me.

I was finally off the feeding tube, and was up half a pound. I felt guilty on gaining that amount of weight. Austin said it's nothing, and that I still had a lot to go through to get better… but the least thing made me worry… I wanted to be perfect… I had to be perfect.

After sometime, Dr Burge entered the room. He was carrying a file in his hand… and a brochure… Austin went to have a quick talk with Burge, but I couldn't get on what they were speaking about, but after sometime, they both came to talk to me.

'Martina, how are you?' Dr Burge asked, as he sat in front of me.

'I'm ok… I can't wait to get back to training.' I replied again, as both men exchanged looks.

'We have to tell you something little tuc.' Austin replied.

'You have to be admitted in the rehab programme … from tomorrow.' Burge started.

'What?' I asked '…and you agree to this Austin?'

'Martina, you need help… You will get professional help, and you'll be ok.'

'When are you going to understand this Austin? I'M FRIKKIN' FINE! I HAVE NO PROBLEM!' I shouted back. '… and what? You just agree to this decision without telling me? AGAIN?'

'Martina… You need to be admitted. You are 17 so can't say no to treatment…' Burge replied.

'But mum and dad will.'

'Actually they had to agree… Else social services would come in hand.' Burge replied.

'Austin…'

'Martina, I'm sorry! But you have to do this. I want my sister back.'

'… and I want to take my own decisions. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG… I'M FINE!'

Although I put up a fight, I still lost it. They still made the decision for me, and there was nothing for me to do except agree to it. I couldn't believe that Austin did it again. He promised he was going to be there for me, but deciding things for me, was never in his promise nor agreement. I'm tired of everyone deciding for me. I'm tired of everyone telling me what to do. Nobody ever took my opinion… Nobody ever took notice of what I thought… When was that going to end?

* * *

The following morning, Austin drove me to the facility. It was a nice facility. It was calm… the facility was surrounded by nature everywhere. There where girls my age… I think all of them where older than me. It was going to be bad… I hated being the young one… it meant more telling what to do… besides… I was already ordered to be there… so it couldn't be more worse… right?

'Austin please… let's go home… I don't want to be here.' I said to him, as I tried making my way back to the car.

'No no no Martina…' Austin replied as he put the bag on the floor and held me from my shoulders. 'Stop Martina… ' he continued as he looked into my eyes. 'listen, you need to get better! And here is the place.'

'Austin I don't want to stay here.'

'I'm sorry little tuc… but I guess you have to do what you don't like.'

'Isn't that my life Austin?'

'What?'

'Nothing…' I replied angrily and hurt at the same time. '… it's not important…' I continued as a woman came to us.

'Hi, I'm Dr Orlovsky…' He started as he shook hands with Austin.

'Hi… This is Martina.' Austin introduced me.

'Hello Martina… How are you?'

'I'm ok Dr.' I replied shyly wanting to just disappear.

'Maeve.' Dr Orlovsky called to a girl. 'Martina, this is Maeve, she is your roommate.' He stated.

* * *

I shook hands with her. She seemed like a nice girl… but I couldn't tell… she was insanely beautiful. Long black straight ebony hair, defined collar bones, and she was tall… She had everything the way a girl should look like.

* * *

'Hi.' She started. 'We're going to have so much fun together.' She continued…

* * *

.. and she's very friendly as well…

* * *

'Martina, you should get settled in your room, while I discuss some things with your brother.' Dr Orlovsky said while both Maeve and I headed to our room.


	44. Chapter 44

'Mr Tucker…'

'Austin… please.'

'Ok… Austin… What can I do for you?' Dr Orlovsky started as he sat down in front of Austin.

'Well… not actually for me… for my sister.' Austin started as he shifted uncomfortable in his seat.

'Austin, for me to help your sister, I need to know about you… your family… I need to get to know her.' Orlovsky continued. 'You seem very close to Martina.'

'Yeah… I am…' Austin started. '… but she seems too distant away from me.'

'Austin, you need to realize that she is not doing this to you or to anyone else. She's doing this to yourself. Martina feels out of control, and she wants to gain control over one thing… her body… It's all about control.' He explained as he leaned forward to the table.

'What do you mean?' Austin asked. 'It doesn't make any sense. I mean it's not her fault…'

'Exactly… but she can't control what happens around her. She can only control what she eats.' Orlovsky continued. 'How is the environment at home?'

'What do you mean Dr?'

'Well, usually when a patient gets admitted here the parents are the first people I see sitting in here… and yet all I see is her brother.'

* * *

Austin remained silent for a while… He felt quite uncomfortable having Dr Orlovsky knowing things without him stating them out. After a few minutes, he decided to talk.

* * *

'Well… we have… a bit of a different kind of family… It wasn't always like this… but… it first started when mum had an affair and she got pregnant with Martina…'

'How old were you when you found out Austin?'

'I was 16…'

'Does your father know?'

'No… we kept it a secret… at first mum didn't want it… she was thinking about abortion… at least that's what she told me back then… and knowing that from the start Martina had an almost rejection, I made a promise to myself that I'll keep her safe.'

'… and did that help?'

'From certain things yes…' Austin continued. 'Dr aren't you supposed to give therapy to Martina rather than me?'

'Far from it Austin!' Orlovsky replied as he moved towards the window and looked far ahead. 'I need to work with both of you. She's dependent on you… I could see the way she wanted you to take her away… I need to learn about your family dynamic.'

'I see…' Austin replied back seeing that it really was hard…

'Austin…' Orlovsky said again as he moved forward to him. '… for now, I'd like you to give Martina some time… she needs to be away from her family and anything that makes her troubled…'

'Troubled? I've only tried to help her!'

'I know…' He continued. '… but she tries to please you. She doesn't want to let you down!'

'Are you saying that this is my fault?'

'No Austin. If anything you've been only but supportive and helpful to your sister… but right now she needs some space and time in order to get better.'

* * *

Maeve seemed to be quite the cheerful person. From what I had already heard from the staff, she was the best girl in providing positive attitude towards others. She seemed too happy to be here…

She made the way to what was to be our room. She was very talkative, and I was hoping that at some point she'll stop talking for a moment. Guess it was going to be a hard time adjusting to here.

'So… this is our room!' Maeve said all cheerful.

'Great!' I replied with a fake smile. 'Which side is mine please?'

'I left you the one to the window… I thought you'd prefer to look outside. I always prefer staying by the door.' She replied.

'Thanks Maeve…' I replied as I gave her an honest smile, while I saw a paper stuck on the wall. 'What's that?' I asked as I went forward and tried to make sense of it.

'Well… That's our daily timetable...' Maeve replied as she saw me giving a questioning look. 'It's all the time we have to eat, the time we can go out and have a walk…' She started while I grabbed the paper and started reading.

'Breakfast at 7am, a snack at 10am, lunch at 12… Are they trying to get us weigh 500pounds?' I asked.

'You'll get used to this Martina!' Maeve replied as she went to the wardrobe.

'I can't believe this!' I said again.

'I'm sorry Martina…' She replied as she moved few boxes. 'Don't worry… you'll get used to it…'


	45. Chapter 45

Rehab was hard. You couldn't do anything without anyone noticing. You couldn't do fake not eating and say that you ate. They watch you like a hawk… not to mention the daily weigh-ins! It was like torture… The nurses survey us what we do… what we eat… what we don't eat… The punishments if we don't eat. They take your phone, then your laptop… then your books if you love to read! It's not fair! Just because of that, they won't make me eat… and not to mention the group therapy! I hated that completely!... everybody talked about their problems… everybody talked how they felt… until it was my turn. I could feel everybody's eyes on me… everyone wanting to hear what I have to say… I couldn't do it… I couldn't make myself come to that.

Austin visited at around 5pm. He was waiting for me in the visitor's area. He changed... he was tense... but I was happy to see him. I went forward to hug him, but he seemed to be afraid on hugging me tight back. It's like he was afraid of breaking me.

'Hey little tuc! How are you doing?' He started.

'I'm ok.'

'You always say that Martina... I only wonder how true it is!' He replied. 'How's rehab going?'

'Austin! I'm having a lot of talking here! Just please... let's not discuss it!' I replied back... 'How are mum and dad? Are they still thinking on the divorce?'

'Um... Martina... I don't want to upset you... but... dad moved out this weekend...'

'What?'

'He'll still wants to come just to make sure how things are going, so he'll be visiting daily...'

'It's not that Austin! They promised they were going to stay for 6 more months!' I replied back... 'What about you?'

'Me?'

'Are you moving back with Max?'

'Martina, I promised you in moving back with mum. I'm not leaving you again.'

'Thanks Austin...' He replied as a nurse came by telling us that visiting hours are over.

'I love you little tuc!' Austin replied as he hugged me and kissed my forehead.

I didn't want to let go of him! 'Please Austin get me out of here!'

'I can't little tuc... you have to get better!'

* * *

Finally, another night arrived. At least, Austin visited and we talked, and although he was tense, he still remained the brother I always knew... He kept asking about my recovery… and although I tried avoiding the subject, he still made his maths.

I had just finished my e-mail to Austin and had just sent it. I tried e-mailing him daily… however, I didn't always get replies… each 'bing' my laptop did, I could imagine it to be an e-mail… Kaylie, Emily and Payson hadn't quite visited as yet… but they texted at times, seeing how I was doing. I missed my friends… I missed gymnastics… I missed everything.

'It's almost time for light's out.' Maeve started while she kept nail filing.

'I'm on it…' I replied as I took out my pj's from the drawer next to me.

'So… who was that cute guy that came visiting you today?' She asked

'He's my brother Maeve…'

'Would you like to talk about him?'

'In fact, I've had a lot about talking, and sharing, and group therapy, to last me a frikkin life time! I just want to stop with the blah blah blah… get my ass out of here, and start training for world's, which by the way, has been my goal since 5 years old.' I said annoyed, while she gave me a questioning look. 'Look, I'm sorry Maeve… I know you're the super rehab camper here but, my situation is a little bit different here than everybody else… I'm not some screwed up teenager… it's just, being small is part of my sport…'

'I get it! It's part of my sport too!' Maeve replied as she sat herself to a seating position.

'What are you talking about?' I asked confused.

'If you've ever done runway in 6 inches Louie Button, you'll know it's a sport.' She replied while I remained staring at her. 'I'm a model dummy!'

'Professionally?' I asked amazed.

'If you call, an editorial shoot for Valentino, in 3 weeks professional?!'

'Wait… so all that 'I'm more than just a number stuff?'

'It's all acting!' She cut me off, while she left me astonished. 'I don't belong here either Martina, and neither of us do! I'm sorry I didn't say anything earlier, I had to make sure we were safe.'

'No, I mean thank God! I was thinking I was going crazy here!'

'You're not crazy! We both have to be thin! It's part of our jobs…'

'Thank you!' I replied almost relieved…

'This is my 3rd rehab in 2 years… I've got up pretty wired, and I can help you get out!'

'You could?' I asked amazed.

'First, you have to learn how to say shame's way with a straight face…' She continued as one of the nurses came in.

'It's time for light's out girls… tomorrow is a new day to get healthy…'

'That's right!' Maeve replied with her cheerful face.

'You bet!' I continued joining Maeve, while I received a huge smile from the nurse.

Maeve mouthed the word 'PERFECT' … I could feel, that finally all pieces were fitting in together… I was going to get out of there soon!


	46. Chapter 46

By time, I was starting to get hang of that place. Maeve was such a help… she knew exactly the tricks and tips… She knew how to tip the scale… she knew how to hide laxatives… she was good at this… she was the best! She sort of gave me a script, on which I had to hold on to, and make everybody believe them. After almost 2 weeks there, Dr Gates, the psychologist that was handling my case under Dr Orlovsky, called a family meeting.

At first it was going good… Mum and dad were quite behaving. Austin on the other hand, did not let his gaze loose off me. I guess he truly knew everything about certain things. I wanted him to let loose for some time… I guess that wasn't it…

* * *

'Mr & Mrs Tucker… Martina made quite a progress here…' Dr Gates started…

'She doesn't look much different to me!' Austin replied.

'Well, Mr Tucker, her daily weigh ins proved different. She gained 10 pounds, and she is able to leave here and go back home!' Dr Gates replied.

'So, she can come home?' Dad asked.

'That's right Mr Tucker…' Gates continued. '… however, she still has to attend therapy to the nearby facility.'

'What about training Dr?' Dad asked again. 'Is she able to go back to gymnastics?'

'Well… I don't see why not…' He said again as he looked over the chart… ' however, she should decrease the training hours, and she shouldn't have such an intense training… 8 hours a day training during recovery doesn't help.'

'So what do you suggest Dr?' Mum asked again

'I'd suggest that 5 hours are enough…'

'What?' Dad retorted… 'She's on the world's team… she has to be in her upper game…' Dad shouted back.

'Mr Tucker, I think you should control your temper here… this is about your daughter's health we're talking about…' He continued as he handed us a paper. 'This is her daily timetable… She has to increase her calories by 500 calories the least.'

'What about outpatient treatment?' Austin asked.

'That's a good question… At the therapy centre there will be nurses that will take her evaluation, and if she'll continue this progress, she'll be out of rehab in no time!' He continued. 'Is there anything else that you'd like me to help you with?'

'No…' My parents replied as they got up and shook hands with the Dr. 'Thanks.' They said in unision.

* * *

Maeve (18.49) - You did it girl! You're out of here…

Me (18.49) – Yeah! But now I have to get out of therapy.

Maeve (18.50) – Do as you did over here! And it will be all easy!

Me (18.50) – I wish you were here Maeve! It was easier with you here.

Maeve (18.50) – I'll soon be out… we can get together and we'll help each other…

Me (18.51) – Yeah… Hopefully that will be soon.

* * *

'Martina! Please come down… Dinner's ready!' Mum called from downstairs.

'Coming mum!' I replied back.

* * *

Me (18.51) – Listen, I have to go… mum called for dinner.

Maeve (18.51) – Remember all the tricks… You can do this Martina …

Me (18.52) – At least Austin isn't here. It would be harder with him.

Maeve (18.52) – I'll teach you later how to hide things from him… My brother is like that. I've been there and done that!'

Me (18.52) – how come you never told me about him Maeve?

Maeve (18.53) – We were on a tight schedule Martina… you had to get out of here faster. But now I can tell you everything.

* * *

'Martina, I'm not calling you again.' Mum shouted again.

'I'm coming mum!' I replied again.

* * *

Me (18.55) – Maeve, mum's calling me again. I'll be back on later… ok?

Maeve (18.56) – I'll be waiting….

* * *

'What took you so long dear?' Mum asked while she was going through her purse.

'Um… I was talking to a friend of mine.' I replied.

'Anyways… I have to meet your father at his office to discuss some stuff, so I won't be here… you have dinner ready on the stove… Austin's dish is there as well. Tell him to heat it up before he eats… ok?'

'Ok mum…'

'Dammit… I'm going to be late…' Mum said again as she put her coat on. 'I have to go dear… Tell Austin to call me as he arrives.'

'Ok mum… bye…' I replied as she went to the door… 'I love you mum…' I called on her, but I don't think she heard me, because she didn't even reply anything back.

After few minutes I heard the car's engine roar to life, and in few seconds time, she was out of the drive-in. I went to the stove and grabbed my plate… I knew I couldn't eat… the food itself disgusted me to the core… All I saw was imperfection… The smell itself made cringe. I made one whole run to the bathroom, and put up the seat. With one swift move of the spoon, I cleared the curry rice into the toilet… I felt better at that… At least it wasn't me getting all that fattening food. I flushed the toilet and made sure to not leave anything that was proof of what I just did.

I went back down to the kitchen and left the plate in the sink so that when Austin comes, he'll see that I ate. I had to leave tangible proof that I ate… I took out the grated cheese from the fridge and left it running on the table. Like that, he could see that I 'really' had eaten. I felt a surge of blood going through me. I felt my heart beating like hell, but I controlled it. That was it… I can do this…

I made my way to the basement and there everything was the same. The bars still in place, the beam still were I left it. The treadmill as well. I went towards it, and climbed on it. Automatically, I pressed the on button, and that was it… I started running. I missed that time alone… Finally I could get back on track to the road for PERFECTION.


	47. NOTE

Dear All,

This is a note to apologize for not writing much these days... I've been rather busy with my second book publication and now have been asked to write a third one. Also, am having exams in few weeks time and I'll be in university. I promise that I will soon get back on writing and finishing this fanfiction. Tonight, I will upload a chapter just to give you something to hold on to until I get to full writing mode again.

I hope that you love this fanfiction, and PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DO PROVIDE REVIEWS !... They are really helpful and motivating!... and if you want you can also provide suggestions on what you'd like to happen. I love taking in consideration what the reader wants to see.

Thanks,

will_goal

Be back soon! PROMISE! :D...


	48. Chapter 47

I felt different. I felt lighter while I was running on the treadmill. How was I able to feel myself that way when all I am is fat? How could I even feel that way? I didn't know what to think anymore… what to feel anymore… I was blocked in this place where I could feel no real emotions… all I wanted was perfection… all I wanted was success… it has always been my goal… I needed control… that is all I wanted…

I remained there, running as fast as my legs could take me. I let my mind drift to its confines. There I felt safe… there I felt comfortable… I counted the calories in my head… but all I had was water… and some tea… I was afraid that everything was going to make me fat. I was afraid of everything… even myself…

"Come on skinny love just last the year,

Pour a little salt we were never here,

My my my, my my my, my-my my-my...

Staring at the sink of blood and crushed veneer."

I kept playing Skinny Love over and over in my head. I kept thinking and tried gaining control of what I was to think. I was getting tired. All I saw was numbers… All I saw were books… all I saw were fighting… Everything was out of hand. I wanted to get rid of everything… I just wanted to be happy… and I believed that the only way I could be happy is to do this… control… there was nothing wrong! Just a girl taking care of herself… the only way I knew how.

After my parents decided that I didn't need therapy, things were more heated up between Austin and them. He couldn't understand how they saw things… he could understand how after seeing their daughter on the verge of dying, they still decided to not opt for therapy. In a way I was relieved. I never wanted anyone to get personal with me. I was used to taking care of myself… fixing myself and holding on to everything I dreamt of.

I couldn't understand why, but Austin was being more cautious with everything. Even his hugs were weird. It was like he was afraid of holding mum's china. As if he's going to break something. I could see pain on his face whenever he looked at me. I could see his concern all over his face, and when I'm walking, it's like he was looking at a ghost. I tried talking to him about it, so that maybe he can cut the crap out. But the response I only got was

'_Martina you're not seeing it! You're killing yourself!'_

Maybe I wasn't seeing things… but I knew I was seeing something else…

* * *

After almost an hour and a half on the treadmill, Austin came downstairs from behind, and he grabbed me from my shoulders which almost gave me a heart attack.

'What the heck?' I jumped back.

'Hey! Calm down! It's just me!' Austin replied as he switched off the treadmill. 'What are you doing?'

'Training…' I replied slowly as I took off my jacket and dried my sweat with the hot towel available.

'Martina, you know you have to gain the weight back! Doing this won't…'

'Austin! Please stop this!.. I'm fine! I haven't fainted again… I've been discharged…'

'And you think I'm going to swallow this? And you think I believe that you didn't trick everybody like you're tricking all of us?' Austin replied again as he moved towards me invading my personal space.

'Austin…'

'Don't Austin me Martina! I'm tired of watching you waste away! I'm tired of having to see you like this… and it scares me, because honestly, I don't know how to help you… but I'm not giving up… even if I have to go to the other end of the world and get my sister back… it's like a demon took over you… robbed the little child I knew… robbed my sister.'

'Austin, don't be so over-dramatic…' I said back as I turned my back to him.

'Oh… I'm over-dramatic?' He replied as grabbed me from my shoulder and turned me facing him again. 'And what makes you think that I'm being over-dramatic huh?' He urged. 'Have you taken a look in the mirror as yet? Have you seen that you've become a pack of bones?' He shouted at me.

'That is all you do Austin! Shouting! You're becoming more like dad…' I replied with tears in my eyes.

'Shhh….' He came forward and hugged me gently. 'I didn't mean to hurt you sis… but I'm scared for you… and it scares me more that I can't fix this for you…'

'I'm sorry…'

'Shhh….' He replied again. 'Now let's go upstairs and get to eat.'

'I… I already ate… mum was here.' I replied quickly… I knew if he was going to ask mum she would have said yes. She never remembered who she saw eating or not. So it was easier like that.

'Ok… I brought a movie for tonight… if you want.' He asked gently as he made our way upstairs.

'ok…' I replied slowly… My brain wasn't quite thinking on anything Austin was telling me about that night. My brain took over the usual thoughts. Calories… Fat… I just needed to get into my room…

* * *

That night, after all that arguing with Austin, we both crashed on the couch. He brought our favourite movie of all times. It was Home Alone 2. One of the best comedies. I remember I used to laugh at every piece of evil torment the kid gave the robbers… but I couldn't quite laugh… I couldn't let myself be happy… I couldn't understand why… but I knew I couldn't.

Austin pulled me closer to him and let me rest on his chest. He covered me completely with the blanket. It's like he felt the need to protect me, however he felt guilty of something. Again I never understood why. I couldn't understand many things at that time. All I wanted was control and perfection. But at least Austin was the only family member that cared about anything.

He kept trying to sooth me by playing with my hair. He passed his fingers through it slowly… paying attention not to take more hair than I was already shedding. I could feel him tense, but he was warm… and he hugged me tighter maybe he could transfer some of his heat to me.

It wasn't long till the environment remained serene. We heard dad's car pull in the drive-in and from what we could understand, they were having another argument.

'So what Robert? You cannot take half this house, my father built this and it's practically on my name.' Mum shouted back.

'I invested in our kids that live under this roof…'

'…and that does NOT justify anything… It only justifies that you are a father…' Mum replied as she entered the living room.

'oh really! So now I'm a father because you don't want Martina's custody?' Dad shouted back.

'Robert! The kids are here!.'

'So what? Let them listen! Isn't what this family is all about?' Dad retorted back as he took out a glass and filled it with a shot of scotch.

As I heard that, my heart broke into million pieces. I thought maybe they were going to re-arrange the situation. But no… things were taking a turn for the worse. Austin felt me tense and tremble a bit. I simply got up and went to my room. Tears were already running over my face while my parents were shouting towards each other.

Austin, as usual tried being the mediator… but… the damage was already done. He was sure one thing… that if I wasn't broken… now I was shattered.


	49. Chapter 48

Hi, so I know I've been taking long to upload these days, but have been really busy with school and exams. I'll be trying to post more often. I hope you like this chapter and I promise to soon upload more! :)... PLEASE PROVIDE REVIEWS, and what you would like to see :)...

* * *

The days passed constantly without evening knowing where the time went. It was like I was living outside a box, viewing everything from above, or from the sides. I couldn't feel anything. I faked the smile on my face, and although it fooled everyone, it didn't fool Austin. He knew me so well. He always did. Nothing ever passed without him noticing about it, and although he didn't agree, I was finally going back to gymnastics.

That following morning Austin came to wake me up. Guess he already had prepared a speech before I get to the gym. Those days he wasn't letting me off his watch. It was like I was I a prison. I understand that he cares… but that doesn't mean he has to put me on a 24/7 watch.

* * *

'Martina, you up?' Austin said as he knocked the door and remained in the doorway.

'Mhmm.' I replied quietly, while remaining facing my bathroom door.

He came forward and sat beside me. He held me from my shoulder and removed a lock of my hair from my face to behind my ears. 'How are you?'

'Fine.' I replied quietly. 'Couldn't sleep.'

'That's because you're hungry.' He replied again. 'Let me get you some breakfast.'

'Um… It's too early to eat!' I replied back quickly as turned facing him, while he gave me his look 'Please Austin. I promise, I'll eat later!'

'Ok… fine…' He replied, as I got up from the bed, and started taking out the towel, leotard, and underwear to start preparing. 'Listen, I thought maybe today you shouldn't do the whole 8 hours training. You have too much to lose, and Sasha agreed with me.'

'You talked to Sasha about me Austin?' I replied back shocked.

'Well, you are my sister aren't you?'

'But that doesn't give you the right to decide for me Austin!'

'Martina, I'm trying to help you out! You can't force yourself too much in training!'

'… and what do you know?' I replied as I took out my duffle bag.

'What I know?' Austin asked astonished as we got up from the bed. 'Because I've seen this! And I know how this will end Martina! I don't want you to end this way!' He replied back.

'Austin, you always think you know everything… but sometimes you don't. I know what I'm doing. I have everything in control.'

'Oh really! And does fainting come with the control Martina?'

'You don't understand…' I replied slowly.

'Then make me!'

'Austin, do we really have to talk about this every single waking moment we have? Can you please just forget it for a moment and just chill?'

'No I can't Martina.'

'Well, I guess you have to put your argument on hold, because I have to get ready.' I replied as I made my way to my bathroom en suite.

'The pipes fixed?' Austin asked as he sat on the edge of the bed.

'Yes.' I replied as I closed the door. 'Yours too… dad said so yesterday.'


End file.
